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Bill Simmons is a Super Star!


uglytuna
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After one of the greatest victories in Patriots history, after one of the defining Sundays of the Belichick-Brady Era, after an absolute roller-coaster ride of a win, after one of the more memorable they-had-absolutely-no-business-winning-that-thing games in recent memory, I turned the television off, pulled off an awkward high-five with my father and waited for the phone to ring.

 

And I waited.

 

And I waited.

 

Nothing. None of my friends called. My mom never called. None of my editors called. I even checked the ringer on our phone to make sure it was working. Yup. It was working. I jumped online and only two friends had sent along their congratulations (mainly because they had both wagered on the Pats). That was it. I briefly zoomed through reader e-mails and was shocked to see the same three themes over and and over again: either "You guys are so freaking lucky," "The Chargers freaking choked" or "Just kill me, now I have to sit through another freaking week of Pats-Colts hype."

 

At this point, I was starting to get bummed out. How could people not appreciate an undermanned, banged-up underdog that persevered simply by playing well together, by being well-coached and well-prepared, by pulling off all the Little Things and by believing in one another and steadfastly trusting they could pull out any close game? How could people not appreciate Troy Brown's supernatural strip of Marlon McCree (one of the greatest heads-up plays in Boston sports history), or Brady's slogging through a dog-crap game and having the balls to zing that ridiculously clutch throw to Reche Caldwell on the winning drive? How could they fail to be impressed that Belichick and the Pats knocked off a 16-1 team, a 16-2 team, a 15-3 team, a 14-2 team, a 14-3 team and a 14-4 team over the past five Januarys?

 

Then I realized something horrible.

 

Wait a second ... am I rooting for the football version of the Yankees?

 

I felt like Steve Martin realizing he was white in "The Jerk." And the thing is, I could see this coming for three years. People expect the Patriots to pull out close games. They're bored of watching it happen. They're tired of Patriots players and fans playing the "nobody believed in us" card. They're tired of writers and talking heads breaking out the popsicles for Brady and Belichick every January. It's becoming a formula -- nobody thinks the Pats can pull it off, the odds are impossible, MY GOD THEY DID IT AGAIN! -- which is unfortunate because formulas become boring pretty quickly.

 

Still, if the Pats really have turned into the football Yankees, then everyone outside of New England believes that ...

 

A. Rooting for the Patriots is like rooting for the house in blackjack.

 

B. An entire generation of fledgling NFL fans is being raised to root against them as we speak.

 

Just writing those last two sentences gave me the Manning Face. How could this be? How did we get here?

 

Like every other Boston fan, I grew up hating the Yankees, Canadiens, Steelers and Cowboys. My teams always lost, those teams always won, and I despised them with every fiber in my body. When our luck changed and the Celtics started competing for NBA titles again -- even winning three -- America never galvanized against them because Bird was so popular. Only recently did everyone come to loathe one of my teams: the post-2004 Red Sox, with the oversaturation of the "We finally did it!" angle. And I can't blame them. Looking back, everything after October '04 spiralled out of control faster than the street brawl in "Anchorman." The celebration carried on too long, too much was written (yes, I include myself), too many people had too much to say, bandwagon fans oozed out of the woodwork, and by the time everything was said and done, I think Curt Schilling killed a guy.

 

So yes, I can see how America turned on the Sox. But the Patriots??? I keep thinking of the scene in "Godfather: Part II" when Michael's sister urges him to forgive Fredo and calls Fredo "sweet and helpless." Umm, that was the Patriots! For like 40 years! As I have detailed in the past, they were always the undisputed black sheep of the Boston sports scene. At no point from 1960 to 2001 did any Patriots fan EVER think to himself, "Some day, this will all be worth it ... we're going to hire the best coach alive, find the best big-game QB alive, win three Super Bowls, become known as 'the team that just keeps winning,' break the hearts of fans across the league and, eventually, we'll turn into first-class villains and everyone will hate us and complain that we won't go away." That never happened. We were more worried that the Patriots would actually go away, that they'd bolt for another city (like L.A. or St. Louis) and never come back.

 

Now we're on six years of football euphoria. And I get the part where the outside world is ready for another team, because that's the way our society works now: We embrace something new, digest it, beat it into the ground and move on to something else. One minute, "Borat" is the greatest comedy of all-time; the next minute, it's overrated. One minute, everyone loves "Lost"; the next minute, we're wondering if it jumped the shark. One minute, everyone loves The Killers; the next minute, they're self-important sellouts. It's the Everything Sucks Era. We spend an inordinate amount of time bitching about everyone else. Nobody's good, nobody's worthwhile and everybody needs to go away. That's the prevailing theme. And after their third Super Bowl victory, the Patriots entered the "all right, you guys can go away now, you've ceased to be interesting" stage of their run, where we've been stuck for the past two seasons. I'm sure the players and coaches don't care, but for the fans, it's been bittersweet and even a little discouraging. If you can't appreciate THIS team, even as an impartial observer, what does that say about the future of sports?

 

Consider how the Patriots are getting it done. They operate under a vexing salary cap and don't outspend everyone. They don't have any self-promoting a-holes doing sack dances or touchdown dances, they haven't been whistled for any substance abuse violations, and as far as I can recall, not a single Patriot filmed a commercial this season. Since 2001, they've gone 70-28 in the regular season and 12-1 in the playoffs drafting in the bottom half of the first round and avoiding any big-money free agent signings except for Rosevelt Colvin. They consistently find rookie sleepers, craft inspired game plans, excel in close games and thrive on doing the Little Things. Out of those 12 playoff wins, at least six left the other team muttering, "Dammit, how did we blow that game?" Only once did the Patriots ever return the favor.

 

On paper, I'm not sure how they're still chugging along. Their star quarterback has been pounded like Mick Foley in his prime. Their lead running back probably couldn't outsprint Eddy Curry to a hot dog truck. Their best receiver was unemployed three months ago. They don't have a single gamebreaker on the offensive side. They don't start a single top-12 draft pick except for Richard Seymour, who doubles as their only Pro Bowler. Their linebacking corps is slower than a dial-up modem connection. Their defensive leader, Rodney Harrison, is fighting to return from knee and shoulder damage, and if you know anything about the guy, he'll probably be in there on Sunday. They have a rookie kicker and two backups playing the safety spots. This team has no business winning a championship -- none -- and they're two victories away from No. 4.

 

Now here's where a slight dose of hypocrisy comes in. We spend so much time complaining about underachieving superstars, overpaid and overhyped players, incompetent GMs, rookie flops, dreadful officiating, troublemakers, thugs, players and coaches doing/saying dumb things, bad trades and signings, annoying announcers and writers, and overrated teams getting too much credit -- by the way, I do as much complaining and mocking as anyone, I'm not absolving myself here -- that I'm starting to wonder if we'll ever fully embrace a special team anymore. Are we too cynical? Are we too desperate to poke fun at everything? Has being a "fan" morphed into something else? Has the fan-sports dynamic started to become a little unhealthy?

 

Think about it. As recently as 20 years ago, the concept of a sports radio station didn't even exist. Neither did the internet or DirecTV. Fantasy leagues and SportsCenter were just starting to round into shape, but it was still pretty early for both. You simply watched a game, discussed it with friends, devoured the ensuing newspaper coverage, argued about the game at work or school the following day, then you waited for the next one. Now sports has evolved into a 24/7 event, between the instant highlights and internet coverage, thousands and thousands of Web sites and blogs, an infinite number of fantasy leagues, a never-ending slew of sports radio shows, sportswriters screaming at one another on TV and everything else you can imagine. Every game and event is digested and processed almost instantly, and then it's rehashed and digested again, and then it's beaten into the ground, and within a few hours everyone feels obligated to come up with their own unique angle on things -- even if it's extreme, even if it's insane, even if it's blisteringly nasty or vicious, even if it's completely nonsensical or inane.

 

For instance, since last Sunday's games were played, dozens of columnists, bloggers and radio hosts wrote or vented about the same theme: "This sucks, I can't believe we have to watch another Pats-Colts playoff game!" And none of them provided any real insight on why such a matchup possibly sucked. Hey, who needs insight? It's much more fun just to complain. I'm tired of Manning, I'm tired of Belichick, I'm tired of Brady, I'm tired of the Pats ... Really, you're a football fan and you're not interested in seeing whether the Colts can upend their long-time nemesis and finally make a Super Bowl? That's not cutting it for you?

 

If you don't like the accompanying BS for an admittedly overdiscussed game, simply skip the shows, columns, features and SportsCenter segments and join CBS at 6 p.m. ET on Sunday. Guess what happens when you block out the forced subplots, the exhausted Manning-Brady comparisons, the insufferable pregame hype and the vitriol on various blogs? You're left with a potentially fantastic game. Remember, these teams can't stand each other dating back to the Colts' whining like sissies after their 2004 playoff loss in New England. Indy has the greatest statistical QB of the past 15 years; New England has the best big-game QB of the past 15 years. The Colts are a good home team with something finally resembling a decent defense; the Pats are getting it done, for the most part, with smoke and mirrors. Everything about this Patriots season stopped making sense the moment Jabar Gaffney started averaging 10.5 catches per playoff game.

 

So why do the Patriots have a chance? Because they're the Patriots. Watching "24" after Sunday's improbable victory, like every other Patriots fan, I couldn't help but think of the San Diego comeback during the scene when Jack Bauer pulled a Hannibal Lecter to escape another hairy situation. You always know Jack will bounce back -- not just because he signed a three-year contract, either -- and you always know the Pats will bounce back, even if they're handcuffed to a sewage pipe and pistol-whipped for three quarters. On Sunday, their best chance of winning boils down to three things: (1) don't turn the ball over; (2) hope the Colts don't play well; and (3) hope the game comes down to the last 10 minutes, when Belichick and Brady have been invincible over the past six seasons. If the first two don't happen, we won't get a chance to see No. 3. And the Colts don't want any part of No. 3.

 

One thing's for sure: this AFC Championship Game is totally up in the air, and if you can't get fired up for that premise, maybe you don't enjoy professional football as much as you thought. Just know that rooting for the Patriots isn't like rooting for the house in blackjack. See, we never feel safe. We never feel like we're going to crush everyone else. We're constantly astounded by what's happening, and we never fail to appreciate the significance of it. There isn't a single Pats fan who can't vividly remember those first four decades of futility and embarrassment, as well as the nightmare season when the franchise nearly fled for St. Louis and rendered every one of our memories moot. Much like Private Ryan, we earned this.

 

And if the Patriots can pull off another beauty on Sunday night, maybe my phone won't be ringing off the hook, and maybe we're headed for two weeks of "just shoot me, I'm so freaking tired of the Patriots" stories, and maybe we'd be as popular as the Russian hockey team in Lake Placid if the Saints make it to Miami. But you know what? Patriots fans have had it both ways, and it's much more fun being Michael Corleone than Fredo. Actually, it's much, much, much, much MUCH more fun. So keep ragging on us all you want. You'd trade places with us in a heartbeat and you know it.

 

(Now THAT sounds like something a Yankees fan would say.)

 

 

Ugly :D Tuna

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Hey UT,

 

I'm sure most us go to Espn.com and read Bill regularly. There's no need to waste space by posting the entire article, just a link would sufice. Unless you are going to critic or highlight a particular section.

 

I promised myself I wouldn't get involved.... :D

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What?! Are you suggesting that there's rampant NE homerism going on at ESPN??? Nooooo waaaay!!!

 

 

I'm beginning to think this <This word is why I am now banned>tard works for ESPN :D

 

 

LOL @ the filter

Edited by Hat Trick
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Hey UT,

 

I'm sure most us go to Espn.com and read Bill regularly. There's no need to waste space by posting the entire article, just a link would sufice. Unless you are going to critic or highlight a particular section.

 

I promised myself I wouldn't get involved.... :D

 

 

i appreciate the article. i'm usually too lazy to click the link.

Edited by Jackass
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What?! Are you suggesting that there's rampant NE homerism going on at ESPN??? Nooooo waaaay!!!

 

 

 

It doesn't sound to be as rampant as you portray it this week...

 

:D

 

SI.com picks in favor of the Colts 5-2 and in favor of the Saints 5-2.

 

Sportsline.com picks in favor of the Colts 5-1 and in favor of the Bears 4-2

 

ESPN.com picks in favor of the Colts 6-2 and in favor of the Saints 8-0 ( :D ). ESPN.com also has a computer pick the game, the ACCUSCORE game forecast, which picks the Patriots and the Bears to win.

 

EDIT: for the math...

 

Colts 16-5 (16-6 with the computer)

Saints 15-6 (15-7 with the computer)

 

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Prognostications pale in comparison to Michael Smith's barrage of pro-Brady/anti-Manning articles over the years and Bill Simmons' Red Sox book, don't you think?

 

 

 

Michael Smith cut his teeth as a local writer in Boston, so his homerism doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

 

But, truthfully I have no cable TV, and don't see ESPN. I have these picks to go on...and by that it looks like ESPN is on the Colts bandwagon as far as their "Expert's standpoint" is concerned.

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Michael Smith cut his teeth as a local writer in Boston, so his homerism doesn't surprise me in the slightest.

 

But, truthfully I have no cable TV, and don't see ESPN. I have these picks to go on...and by that it looks like ESPN is on the Colts bandwagon as far as their "Expert's standpoint" is concerned.

 

 

I think that these guys will give you their honest opinions when it comes to prognostications. But when it comes to their articles, guys like Smith, Simmons, and Gammons are so pro-New England that it's ridiculous.

Edited by Bill Swerski
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Excuse me while I rant for a few moments as the week comes to an end....

 

A few years back, I enjoyed Simmons' stuff. It was fresh and laugh out loud funny. In the past couple of years its become repetitive and uninspired.

 

I compare it to Bill Maher's HBO show, 'Real Time'. Before Maher got stuck in his "I hate George W Bush" schtick, the show was great... informative, funny, provocative. I may not have agreed with everything he or his panel/guests had to say, but it made me think. During the last 2 seasons though, you can basically record one show and just keep watching it again and again. The setup is the same each week no matter how they try to package it... "W is a dumba** and we all hate his guts." Guess what - we all know that. Let me see/hear something different and worth my 60 minutes of viewing time.

 

Simmon's columns are pretty much stuck in the the same loop now. Just read one and you have read them all. He may approach it differently, but in the end his schtick always comes back to "The Pats/Red Sox are the best team(s) in their respective sport(s) and they have had to climb mountains to get there and Tom Brady is such a great guy and everyone still disrepects them and its not fair... blah, blah, blah."

 

Here's an idea, Bill: Show a unique perspective once every year or two. Everyone knows the Pats are good. Everyone knows the Red Sox are competitive in the AL East every season. But *surprise* most of us are not life-long devoted Pats/Red Sox fans. We like to hear/read about different teams and players. I have lived in 9 different states (including one in New England) and amazingly, most people who follow sports in those other 8 states couldn't care less about the Pats or Red Sox.

 

Bringing it up a couple of levels, most of the expert opinion and "insight" on ESPN is anything but.... They don't know anywhere near as much as they try to come off with. The kicker occurred a couple of months back when the University of Alabama fired Mike Shula as head coach. The EPSN bobble heads went on and on for weeks about what a mistake it was to fire Shula and how there was no self-respecting coach in the country who would want to take that job and how the Crimson Tide was just a shell of itself.... and guess what? They still hired arguably the best college football coach in the nation. The so-called experts proved to anyone who was paying attention they didn't know a damn thing about college football.

 

For me it comes down to this... I hate the Pats for the same reason I hate the team local to where I currently live (Denver Broncos). Homerism and loving your local team is one thing. I'm first in line there. But when the fans and media show little-to-no sportsmanship or knowledge of other players or teams because they are so myopic, it turns me off completely. One year ago, Adam Vinatieri was a god in New England. Now he's an overpaid jerk who sold his soul. Last week it was the cool surgeon Tom Brady who dissected the Chargers defense to pull out a last minute victory. Give me a break. He threw 3 INTs including one which would have ended the game had the DB not coughed it right back.

 

In the final analysis all you are really rooting for with professional sports is a uniform. In a year or two when Bellichick is coaching the Giants and Brady's looking at free agent contracts with another team after undergoing off-season shoulder surgery let's see what the Bill Simmons' and Ugly Tuna's of the world are saying.

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For me it comes down to this... I hate the Pats for the same reason I hate the team local to where I currently live (Denver Broncos). Homerism and loving your local team is one thing. I'm first in line there. But when the fans and media show little-to-no sportsmanship or knowledge of other players or teams because they are so myopic, it turns me off completely. One year ago, Adam Vinatieri was a god in New England. Now he's an overpaid jerk who sold his soul. Last week it was the cool surgeon Tom Brady who dissected the Chargers defense to pull out a last minute victory. Give me a break. He threw 3 INTs including one which would have ended the game had the DB not coughed it right back.

 

In the final analysis all you are really rooting for with professional sports is a uniform. In a year or two when Bellichick is coaching the Giants and Brady's looking at free agent contracts with another team after undergoing off-season shoulder surgery let's see what the Bill Simmons' and Ugly Tuna's of the world are saying.

 

 

 

Bad example to make your case with.

 

As happened with Johnny Damon when he first returned to Fenway, and Pedro Martinez when he first returned to Fenway, Adam Vinatieri got a standing ovation when he first returned to Fenway. These players got those ovations in respect of the effort they put forth for our sports teams.

 

During the games, each player was resoundly booed. They were booed because each one of them went to a mortal enemy of our team. Damon went to the Yankees? (bear in mind that I understand why and have no real issue with it in today's sports environment). The Yankees represent all that is evil in the world to a Red Sox fan. Pedro went to the Mets, who were guilty of dashing our hopes and giving us the Bill Buckner moment in 1986. Vinatieri went to the Colts, who are far and away one of the Pats biggest rivals. People forget that it wasn't that long ago when the Pats and the Colts were division rivals. They are much hated in these parts, just as the Pats are much hated in Colts country. Vinatieri was a traitor to that, and truth be told the decision he made was probably a bad decision for himself financially. For the extra million a year, he probably cost himself several million dollars in yearly endorsement money aound these parts.

 

Your point on the Brady ball washing is accurate. He did not have a great game. People around here have a tough time acknowledging a chink in the armor or Tom Terrific. It is a problem.

 

As far as the rooting for laundry thing, there has been pretty good continuity with this franchise in certain areas. Free agency makes you right, but the ownership of the Krafts, the career of Drew Bledsoe, and now the tenure of Brady and Belichick have all held the attention of the fans for significant time. People need personell to identify with over the long haul, and I think that the Patriots are mindful of that.

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When Simmons writes about the NBA he's one of, if not the, best out there. And his move to LA has gotten him away from doing all Boston-centric schtick, IMO. Clippers. Suns. He's been spreading his wings a bit lately.

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I have lived in 9 different states (including one in New England) and amazingly, most people who follow sports in those other 8 states couldn't care less about the Pats or Red Sox.

 

Ding-ding-ding! :D

 

In a year or two when Bellichick is coaching the Giants and Brady's looking at free agent contracts with another team after undergoing off-season shoulder surgery let's see what the Bill Simmons' and Ugly Tuna's of the world are saying.

 

 

Simmons is definitely a Megan Fox, but comparing him to UT? That may be grounds for a lawsuit. :D

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At this point, I was starting to get bummed out. How could people not appreciate an undermanned, banged-up underdog that persevered simply by playing well together,

 

Didn't :D tell us that the Patriots had no weaknesses???

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