Chavez Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Interesting article from Deadspin —-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-— Charles Haley spent a decade trying to kill me, in spirit and ultimately in body, which is more than I can say for all these other "Dark Side'' sportswriting pussies' encounters. I first encountered Haley in 1988, when I was new on the San Francisco 49ers beat. First day: I saw him grab his manhood with his fist, shake his Dark Sith in the direction of a hapless young female reporter (her crime? Femaleness, and maybe haplessness) and scream/bellow, like Brando up the stairs, that the "when I wore my first dressin' bitch was staring at my cock! Get that bitch outta here! She's a when I wore my first dressin' perv! She wants my when I wore my first dressin' cock!'' Ensuing Chapters of Charles: I saw the first-hand evidence of the All-Pro pass-rusher using his Lil' Haley to water the hand-crafted wood floors in the office belonging to team president Carmen Policy. (A versatile body part, that thingee.) I learned that Charles attempted to strangle coach George Seifert during a film session. I learned that one of the great Ronnie Lott's official jobs was to keep Charles tamed. And I learned something that still disturbs me: On my final 49ers experience with Haley at the Pro Bowl in Honolulu, when I was on a team bus one seat ahead of his, eavesdropping as he plotted to arrange from the 49ers' front seven to be a "Soul Patrol.'' Meaning, he wanted to orchestrate the departure of his white teammates. (Joking, you say? OK. But will you at least trade me bus seats next time?) In 1990, I moved to Dallas to cover the Cowboys. Haley would be nothing but a nightmarish memory, somebody else's problem, a guy I was pretty sure skipped taking his medicine. (For two full years!) I would be free to empathize ... from a distance. And then, in '92, Charles Haley came to Dallas.I was the first and only reporter to greet him at his locker. We were one-on-one. The tension built. No media members wanted any part of it. Charles got revved up, opening by braying something about what an El Guapo I was in San Francisco (he was/is right. ... but how'd he know?), and he was hooting something about how Aikman couldn't carry Montana's jockstrap and I was writing it all down. And Haley barks, "Hey, motherwhen I wore my first dresser, I didn't say you could write this down, motherwhen I wore my first dresser! DO YOU HEAR ME, MOTHERwhen I wore my first dressER?'' The verbal barrage continued. I kept writing. A notepad full of "motherwhen I wore my first dressers.'' I did not opt to reason with a man who would, a few weeks later, find a huge bushel of bananas in his locker, a jokey gift from defensive-line mates who admired his ... um ... Neanderthalic approach to life. I absorbed the MFs, and somehow located, deep in my fashionable cargo pants, the resolve to say: "Charles, you keep talking. Please. Say anything you want to me. Call me anything you want. And you know what? I'm going to write down every word. And if my editors allow it, this interview, word-for-word, is going to be in the gah-damn newspaper tomorrow morning. Go.'' He kept motherwhen I wore my first dressering me. I kept writing. Now, I was nervous ... but it wasn't that hard to take notes: How hard is it to simply scribble "MF'' over and over? It is a credit to my employer at the time, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, that the piece really did run. As a straight news story, with no embellishment and no judgment. Just my questions and his answers, jagged but pure, all serving as Charles Haley's introduction to his new community. Welcome to Dallas, motherwhen I wore my first dresser. Why did I go through with it? Three reasons: 1) The result was a revealing story that offered great insight into the star the Cowboys had just acquired. 2) Hey, I promised him! 3) Critics of the media often come at us because we "buy ink by the barrel,'' and all that poopy. But actually, in any battle between "the jocks vs. the media,'' the geeks with pencils don't usually win. So when truth is on our side — plus, you mentioned my mom, you prick! — we can't be blamed for swinging that truth like it's a medieval flail. Chucky & Me spent the rest of his playing career in an unholy truce. Meaning, I think I went seven years without every even venturing near another Cowboy D-linemen. But then, around 2000 or so, I inadvertently encountered Charles Haley ... and it was a near-death experience. I was at a local saloon called Humperdink's on a "date'' (probable sportswriter translation: She Was A Prostitute) when Charles and I exchanged icy glances from across the room. And toward me he charged. What was in my mind? "Soul Patrol'' ... "bananas.'' ... "no meds.'' ... "bananas.'' ... "motherwhen I wore my first dresser.'' ... "bananas.'' ... I knew that people had died in a puddle of their own urine, but reflecting on Carmen Policy's floor, I pondered whether I would be a victim of a first: "Death-by-drowning-in-somebody-else's urine.'' ... And toward me he charged. ... What was in his mind (besides dementia)? In a literal flash — bright lights and beer pitchers and prostitute screams and a mushroom cloud of four huge bodies swooping over my booth — I and the entire saloon found out what a Grinch is capable of when he has a heart two sizes too small and the benefit of NFL weight-training. The menacing Haley, fueled by liquor and anger at being pestered for 10 years by some pencil-wielding motherwhen I wore my first dresser, had lunged toward me, up and into my booth, only to be intercepted by his evening escorts, Leon Lett, Erik Williams and Michael Irvin. Lett (6-7, 280) and Williams (6-5, 330) are two of the largest athletes in Dallas Cowboys history. Irvin is the franchise's all-time sweetest talker. Good for me. Leon and Erik wrestled Charles away, while Michael, I assume, sang him a lullaby while plucking a thorn from his paw. I lived. This is the art form at which I've bumbled around for 28 years and which has afforded me the ability to put no children through college. Newspapers, books, radio, TV and now the internet. I'm a hack-of-all-trades. Writing can be blogging and blogging can be writing and the only big difference is locker-room access. Which has its less-than-omnipotent value. Is it an "absolutely horrible job''? Nah. Is it one big Axe commercial that makes horned-up vixens take off their wet blouses when in the alluring midst of me 'cause they mistake me for a drunken NFL quarterback? Nah. But when I'm old(er) and gray(er), one of the skillion tales I'll be able to tell the kids that I'm "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.'' Or at least I'll inform them that I persuaded the apologetic saloon manager to put my charges on Haley's tab. Do I believe every single word of this story? Well, not so much...but raise your hand if you think that any of it is completely improbable (in general, not even regarding Haley specifically). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazinib1 Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 (edited) True or not its a mother when I wore my first dressing awesome story!! And I bet not alot of people can say when I wore my first dress off trckerthey wrote something like this weather its when I wore my first dressing true or not. Edited June 28, 2008 by tazinib1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chavez Posted June 28, 2008 Author Share Posted June 28, 2008 True or not its a mother when I wore my first dressing awesome story!! And I bet not alot of people can say when I wore my first dress off trckerthey wrote something like this weather its when I wore my first dressing true or not. The filter makes you sound like my great-grampaw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 That was a great read Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 (edited) Wow, I even read the whole thing. Good read. It's probably true that 'holes never get inducted into the HOF. It would be hard to vote for someone that did that to me. Edited June 28, 2008 by MikesVikes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randall Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Charles did help get Emmitt signed after they lost the 1st two games that year(don't feel like looking it up). Believe it? It's possible. I'm sure some players want to punish certain people but it's usually for something they did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piratesownninjas Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Classy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pope Flick Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Man has 5 rings. Perhaps he's proof to the adage: sometimes the biggest a-holes are worth working with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detlef Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 Well, I wouldn't me remotely surprised to learn that this is 100% true. In the big picture, this sheds a lot of light on the rather abhorrent behavior that many NFL players exhibit in RL. I mean, this degree of near criminal lunacy is exactly what made him as good at his job as he was. Sure it's possible to be an otherwise sane person and just turn on the crazy between the lines but, in the case of a guy like this, it's not in the best interest of his employer to try and curb this behavior much at all. Just surround him with guys who'll keep him out of trouble. Do you really think that, when teams are looking at DL and LBs, if they found out that the guy has a tendency to crazy and violent behavior that they actually count that against him? My guess is that they want the guy even more and just need to figure out how to avoid total meltdowns. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clubfoothead Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 Last year we went out with a bunch of friends to that Humperdinks. I had the Kobe burger. $10.00 but they gaurantee it's the best burger you've ever had. I'm not sure about that but I've been craving my second one since about 1/2 way through that 1st one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randall Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 Well, I wouldn't me remotely surprised to learn that this is 100% true. In the big picture, this sheds a lot of light on the rather abhorrent behavior that many NFL players exhibit in RL. I mean, this degree of near criminal lunacy is exactly what made him as good at his job as he was. Sure it's possible to be an otherwise sane person and just turn on the crazy between the lines but, in the case of a guy like this, it's not in the best interest of his employer to try and curb this behavior much at all. Just surround him with guys who'll keep him out of trouble. Do you really think that, when teams are looking at DL and LBs, if they found out that the guy has a tendency to crazy and violent behavior that they actually count that against him? My guess is that they want the guy even more and just need to figure out how to avoid total meltdowns. There's a lot of truth to that. I remember one NFL player who got hurt and had to sit out a year. When he came he said he didn't want to be crazy enough to play. Some players can turn off the intensity off the field, but some can't see it's just a game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 Charles did help get Emmitt signed after they lost the 1st two games that year(don't feel like looking it up). Believe it? It's possible. I'm sure some players want to punish certain people but it's usually for something they did. I was surprised Sherman Williams didnt put up massive numbers in those 2 games and that Dallas lost without Emmitt. He was running behind that same line Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chief Dick Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I was surprised Sherman Williams didnt put up massive numbers in those 2 games and that Dallas lost without Emmitt. He was running behind that same line To Williams credit he DID establish a heck of a paint store empire during his playing days. A real testimony to a player preparing for life after football. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 (edited) To Williams credit he DID establish a heck of a paint store empire during his playing days. A real testimony to a player preparing for life after football. Or Sherwin Williams did Edited June 29, 2008 by Big John Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikesVikes Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 To Williams credit he DID establish a heck of a paint store empire during his playing days. A real testimony to a player preparing for life after football. ...and I though it was toilet paper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sturphy Posted June 30, 2008 Share Posted June 30, 2008 Fabulous story of triumph and glory. A tale that truly brings home the essence of man... Warms the heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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