millerx Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 SOUTHERN FOOTBALL Planning for the college football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints. Women's Accessories: NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket. SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for. Stadium Size: NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people. SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people. Fathers: NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath. SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference. Campus Decor: NORTH: Statues of founding fathers. SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners. Homecoming Queen: NORTH: Also a physics major. SOUTH: Also Miss America . Heroes: NORTH: Rudy Giuliani SOUTH: Herschel Walker & Peyton Manning...and Timmy TEBOW! Getting Tickets: NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus. SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution, and put name on a waiting list for tickets. Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game: NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday. SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class. Parking: NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking. SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday. Game Day: NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV. SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting 'Game Day Live' to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why 'Game Day Live' is never Broadcast from their campus. Tailgating: NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down. SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band ,... who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon. Getting to the Stadium: NORTH: You ask 'Where's the stadium?' When you find it, you walk right in. SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the state's third largest city. Concessions: NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda. SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon. When National Anthem is Played: NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up. SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony. The Smell in the Air after the First Score: NORTH: Nothing changes. SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon. Commentary (Male): NORTH: 'Nice play.' SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.' Commentary (Female): NORTH: 'My, this certainly is a violent sport.' SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.' Announcers: NORTH: Neutral and paid. SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team. After the Game: NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends. SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game. Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories of Southern football! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Last month in the tailgate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWPFFL BrianW Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Yes of course, when I attend Kinnick Stadium that is EXACTLY what happens. What was the point of this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
millerx Posted September 26, 2008 Author Share Posted September 26, 2008 (edited) Yes of course, when I attend Kinnick Stadium that is EXACTLY what happens. What was the point of this? I guessing the understanding of "humor" was to much to hope for... It's like talking bad about your favorite team rival...or like when there's a set of jokes that get passed around and all you do is swap out the names... Well...apply the same logic to regional football. For instance: Why do all the trees in Georgia lean toward Alabama? Because Alabama SUCKS! And where in the Hell is Kinnick Stadium anyway? Is that a high school? Edited September 26, 2008 by millerx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameltosis Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 I guessing the understanding of "humor" was to much to hope for... It's like talking bad about your favorite team rival...or like when there's a set of jokes that get passed around and all you do is swap out the names... Well...apply the same logic to regional football. For instance: Why do all the trees in Georgia lean toward Alabama? Because Alabama SUCKS! And where in the Hell is Kinnick Stadium anyway? Is that a high school? I guess for one to understand "humor"one must be faced with somethign humorous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 For instance: Why do all the trees in Georgia lean toward Alabama? Because Alabama SUCKS! Or...why does the St. John's River flow north? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
millerx Posted September 26, 2008 Author Share Posted September 26, 2008 I guess for one to understand "humor"one must be faced with somethign humorous. Obviously it is not humorous to all. Not everyone likes the humor of say..."Jacka$$: The Movie".... I was simply responding to Brian's question about what the point of it was for... If it's not your "cup of tea"??...Meh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameltosis Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Obviously it is not humorous to all. Not everyone likes the humor of say..."Jacka$$: The Movie".... I was simply responding to Brian's question about what the point of it was for... If it's not your "cup of tea"??...Meh. My reply was my own attempt at humor. It is becoming obvious we dont share the same style of humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
millerx Posted September 26, 2008 Author Share Posted September 26, 2008 My reply was my own attempt at humor. It is becoming obvious we dont share the same style of humor. actually, it was sarcastic ...which I get, and like. It was just misinterpreted my me... I'm back on track now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cameltosis Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 actually, it was sarcastic ...which I get, and like. It was just misinterpreted my me... I'm back on track now. I should have thrown an irish wink in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
policyvote Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 I realized that Southern football is different when I went to see MSU beat Florida in the Citrus Bowl in '00 . . . . . . and saw entire families' worth of Seminole fans come to the game decked out head to toe in MSU gear. Peace policy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
millerx Posted September 26, 2008 Author Share Posted September 26, 2008 I realized that Southern football is different when I went to see MSU beat Florida in the Citrus Bowl in '00 . . . . . . and saw entire families' worth of Seminole fans come to the game decked out head to toe in MSU gear. Peace policy Yeah, them 'Noles don't like the Gators all too much. I bet you even heard them saying "'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted September 26, 2008 Share Posted September 26, 2008 Yeah, them 'Noles don't like the Gators all too much. If the Gators were going to go 1-11 for the season, I want that win to be against the seminoles. When I attended Florida, we played Univ of Miami every year. The saying was that we hated fsu 364 days out of the year. The 365th day is the day we play UM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.