35 replies to this topic

[i_am_the_swammi]

OK, so my 12-year-old son, for his birthday last year, begged and begged for an iPhone, and while I objected a bunch, I ultimately agreed, but under certain conditions: that he pay $20 a month towards the data plan (which is $30 per month). I already pay his normal access fee of $10 per month, and now pay an additional $10 of his data, so now, in total, he pays $20 per month, and I pay $25 per month, for him to have a phone. Prior to his iPhone, he paid nothing, and I paid $15.

The $20 per month that he contributes comes from his allowance...he gets $12 per week (each kid in our house gets their age as their allowance). I immediately take back $5 of it to pay for his phone.

He is now bitching about it, saying he can't save enough for anything (he's probably right, but I warned him of that before he got the iPhone), and that most other kids have smart phones that their parents pay the whole thing, that he shouldn't have to pay for anything toward his phone. I told him, "Hey, we have four kids, two of whom have phones...I'll pay for a basic phone with all the texting you want...but if you want a smart phone, you have to chip-in".

So what say ye on your kid's phones? What do they have? Who pays for what? I told him that he's very lucky, and that probably less than 10% of kids have smart phones....he said "No way", almost all his friends have smart phones. Who's right?

Edited by i_am_the_swammi, 23 April 2012 - 03:02 PM.

[matt770]

Maybe remind him he's got it pretty good.

Also 12 is not a young adult, that's a child.

[Big Country]

They may have smart phones, but they may not have the plans to go with them.

Your house, your rules, he can pay his fair share. Perhaps come up with some chores above and beyond what he is already required to do that he could perform to earn extra money. If he wants to be able to save up and do more/get more, he can work for it.

Now, full disclosure, my oldest is only 7 and my wife and I are just now starting the discussions about doing an allowance etc., but I am sure these are the things we will be facing shortly.

[matt770]

I assume parental blocking exists for iPhones?  There is some pretty potent free pr0n out there, I read on Slate.  That glow coming from your kid's room at 11:30PM ain't a jar of lightning bugs.

[Huzz]

16 year old with a regular plain jane phone for voice and texting no data plan. Reasons are simple, I pay for it and he has a computer and PS3 he can get online with anytime he wants. Wait until he expects you to buy him a car and pay the insurance too.

[TripleW64]

matt770, on 23 April 2012 - 03:16 PM, said:

Maybe remind him he's got it pretty good.

Also 12 is not a young adult, that's a child.

+100 Agreed 100%. Just because you can afford it, does not mean you  have  to pay it.

[whomper]

Your head tells you to stick to the deal. This is teaching him a lesson that he made a deal and you held up your end and now he has to hold up his. You worry that letting the deal slide a little opens up a slippery slope. Your heart might want to see his point and realize that he is a little strapped now because of the phone deal. I like BC's idea. Come up with an extra chore or something of that nature (maybe if he hits a certain grade point average on his next report card you will absorb a little more of the phone cost) Doing this puts the ball in his court. It shows him that you are willing to negotiate but at a price and he has to uphold his deal yet you are giving him a chance to earn a little more but anything he gets he has to earn by doing something extra .

Edited by whomper, 23 April 2012 - 03:44 PM.

[matt770]

whomper, on 23 April 2012 - 03:42 PM, said:

Your head tells you to stick to the deal. This is teaching him a lesson that he made a deal and you held up your end and now he has to hold up his. You worry that letting the deal slide a little opens up a slippery slope. Your heart might want to see his point and realize that he is a little strapped now because of the phone deal. I like BC's idea. Come up with an extra chore or something of that nature (maybe if he hits a certain grade point average on his next report card you will absorb a little more of the phone cost) Doing this puts the ball in his court. It shows him that you are willing to negotiate but at a price and he has to uphold his deal yet you are giving him a chance to earn a little more but anything he gets he has to earn by doing something extra .

I like it, teaches him the value of hard work.  Good preparation to someday join the workforce.  While you're at it, tell him there is a young boy in Mumbai who will gladly fly over here and do twice the chores for half the allowance, and the idea of just getting to hold an iPhone in his hands briefly would fill his little heart with wonderment.

[jetsfan]

Our 11 yr old daughter has a plain jane phone (old pos flip phone) that we pay for so she can call in an emergency.  She wanted an iPhone and we told her she would have to pay for it, the phone + plan.  That ended the discussion.

[buddahj]

Both my girls (15 & 11) have iphones. They got them for their birthdays. They don't pay anything towards their plans, since they're add-ons to the main plan for $20 each/month (unlimited texts & data). But if they break it, they have to pay for the new one.

[whoopazz]

Mine got cheap flip phones when they started going out and driving. My 20 yo in college still has one. Hell I even offered recently to upgrade and she said "nah". My other one got one after college, when she could pay for the whole deal. My point is of course that not all kids have em, and no kids need em. He chose to get it now he has to pay what he agreed to. Letting him off the hook just emboldens the entitlement thought process. I agree with the extra chore or other way to contribute more around the house or at school so he can keep his end of the deal. Great lesson for the little guy - take advantage of it.

[Hugh B Tool]

For any kid under 15 or 16 a go-phone is perfect. Teaches them there are limits that go with the privilege of having a phone at a young age. Otherwise they think it is their right to have whatever phone or plan they want, because we have been enabling those rights by not setting propoer parameters at a young age. If they tell me(which they have once or twice)everyone else in school has this or that phone/plan. I tell them they can go live with them. Otherwise, my hose, my bills, my rules.

Now one had showed incentive and got a summer job and saved for her shiny new stuff, of which I matched dollar for dollar because of her gumption. The other ones mysteriously followed suit when the time came for them.

Also having been in that biz in the past, if you are the name on the account, you can and should look at their history once in awhile. Texting included. Shoot, you can even look at the full messages and pics your wonderful, "my kids would never do that" send, recive and/or download. You will be very surprised indeed. Very surprised.

[moneymakers]

Take the phone completly away. If he wants it back make him pay for all of it. Make sure you see the cash up front.
Make him cut the grass,clean the tubs and showers and vacuum the house. Tell him after he finishes that you will think about giving back his phone if he will do the original terms and not complain about it. If he whins, keep the phone, tell him that he can try again next week after he does all the chores again.

make sure you get it in writing. You will be sorry if you dont. words get twisted and forgotten very easy at 12.

fyi 12 is too young for a data plan

Edited by moneymakers, 23 April 2012 - 05:33 PM.

[bpwallace49]

My son is 11 and 1/2. I would not even consider getting him a phone at all, let alone an iPhone  

Who do they need to call at 12 years old besides their parents, and why would they need a data plan??

[buddahj]

bpwallace49, on 23 April 2012 - 05:37 PM, said:

My son is 11 and 1/2. I would not even consider getting him a phone at all, let alone an iPhone  

Who do they need to call at 12 years old besides their parents, and why would they need a data plan??

facebook & texting, duh

[moneymakers]

buddahj, on 23 April 2012 - 04:49 PM, said:

Both my girls (15 & 11) have iphones. They got them for their birthdays. They don't pay anything towards their plans, since they're add-ons to the main plan for $20 each/month (unlimited texts & data). But if they break it, they have to pay for the new one.

no way you get unlimited text and data for 20.00 bucks a month.

[Brentastic]

bpwallace49, on 23 April 2012 - 05:37 PM, said:

My son is 11 and 1/2. I would not even consider getting him a phone at all, let alone an iPhone  

Who do they need to call at 12 years old besides their parents, and why would they need a data plan??

^^THIS.

[MorningMud]

The more entitled he feels, the more likely he is to have a bad work ethic and a bad attitude. Sometimes a little tough love early (make him continue to fullfil his commitment) will be a great help to him later.

[buddahj]

moneymakers, on 23 April 2012 - 05:48 PM, said:

no way you get unlimited text and data for 20.00 bucks a month.

I have a family plan thru Sprint w/unlimited text & data. My wife's & both girls' phones only cost me $20/phone/month. The main line is $110.

[nuke'em ttg]

oh, that ain't chit man, there's a chitnomie comin yer way, get ready

[stevegrab]

Don't have kids but was watching my brother go through this with my 20 year old niece who's in college (school is about an hour away and she lives on campus).  She was whining about not having an iPhone especially when she saw my other brother with one. Her dad told her, "Listen we went over this, I'll pay for the phone upgrade, but you're going to pay for the data plan."  No way she's doing that. Her and her brother have never really lacked any toy / gadget they've wanted from a relatively young age. Computers, video games, cell phones, cameras, iPods, etc.  Neither my brother nor his wife have smart phones, both are in their mid 50s and work in IT fields. She does a lot of the "all the other kids have it" and mostly wants it to do FB where she lives online with her boyfriend.

You're doing the right thing, setting some limits instead of caving in. The current generation see these things as necessities, like cable TV, hi speed internet, etc. They don't remember a time without them, and will go through life always having them, and wanting newer and better things. They need to understand that all costs money.

[delusions of grandeur]

Much easier said than done to say no to kids on this technology, especially when all of the other parents are caving in...

I remember back when I was a teenager, and first it was beepers before cell phones got popular... My parents kept on saying no, that only businessmen and drug dealers needed a beeper, and really all they were good for is to coordinate so you could use call waiting and not have your home phone ring late at night.

Then came the cell-phone craze when I was about 16-18 (my first brick) and that one took even more work to convince my folks, but much like some of you, they ended up caving if I'd pay for it myself.... I completely understand how that goes, because kids have a way of getting what they want, even if the parents make them work for it.

That said, I have real issues with kids being plugged into the internet 24 hours a day. It's not good for social skills to be doing everything by facebook and text. Hell, I see problems of my own staring at screens far too often (though mostly because of work), and it feels like it's even rotting my already-developed brain.

Also, with video games and computers too, kids just aren't getting outside and playing like they used to (it was like pulling teeth to get my younger cousin to put down the video game and go hunting with us, and hunting numbers are in fact dropping with animal populations rising).

I guess the good thing is that you can tie this privilege into working for it and making good grades, and not letting that interfere, but I'd take much caution into how much they're using it, or even considering it in the first place if you have more concerns about their maturity with it.  I know smartphones are freaking sweet with all they can do for folks of any age, but it does open up constant access to more things than I may feel comfortable with, let alone justified for them to have.

[lkirc]

I have this discussion with my friends who have children and it drives me crazy. Why does a 12 year old need a phone or a data plan?

I have seen kids as young as 7 with phones. Really?

Teachers tell me the biggest problem with phones in school is parents texting and calling their kids constantly.

People whose kids have phones say it is for an emergency. Like what? If a kid gets in a jam these days they can pretty much ask whoever is standing next to them if they can use their phone. What constitutes the emergency? Most of the time, it is the parent who needs to know where their child is at all times causing the "emergency." I had a mom come to my door the other day looking for her kid who was playing in our backyard with my sons. She was frantic because I didn't answer my phone when she texted me. I was doing yardwork. I told her son was in the backyard building forts. What was going on? A family emergency? She told me she hadn't heard from him in a while and wanted to see if he was OK. He had been over playing for less than an hour. The electronic leash thing is getting out of control.  

We are treating children like adults and expecting them not to do adult things before they are supposed to. Give them access to everything and they will do everything.

Edited by lkirc, 24 April 2012 - 12:52 PM.

[stevegrab]

lkirc, on 24 April 2012 - 12:41 PM, said:

I have this discussion with my friends who have children and it drives me crazy. Why does a 12 year old need a phone or a data plan?

I

Not rational reasons, but what the kids say/feel
- everybody else has them
- don't you watch TV, everybody is on Facebook and twitter
- only losers still use the rest of the internet or don't have an iPhone (the "if you had an iPhone commercials" are my favorites)
- did I mention everybody has one

Like all consumer products, TV and a growing popularity make many people think they NEED these things. Sure they are cool, and you can do a lot with a smart phone. But most of these same people have access to a computer at home (work, school, etc.) Now they want all of that connectivity anywhere they go, all day long, 24/7/365.  As somebody else said, I don't think its good for our society, the next generation or two are going to be so plugged in they will be extremely limiting their direct human contact (and forget doing anything outdoors, except maybe walking while chat/text/etc on their smart phones).

[SEC=UGA]

lkirc, on 24 April 2012 - 12:41 PM, said:

I have this discussion with my friends who have children and it drives me crazy. Why does a 12 year old need a phone or a data plan?

I

Considering kids don't talk with one another any more, as they must communicate through texts and facebook posts because they have those goddamn ear buds in all the fu(king time so they can listen to their I-pod, thus, they need smart phones with data plans.

And, I swear to jesus, if I see one more person driving with their goddamn ear phones on and/or texting I'm going to run them into a fu(king telephone pole.

I'm done, sorry....