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do94nbpt
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Hey guys, I am an 18 year old kid looking to get into sports writing. I have started a blog and if you are interested you can check it out. I am not trying to advertise I just want to get honest opinions. If you are interested in seeing what I have, please check it out and leave a comment. I started out with a blog for my writing class in school then got really into it and wanted to start my own to have all the control for my own. I created a fantasy football blog which will include baseball starting in the 2013 baseball season. Those two fantasy sports are my main focus as they are the most played. Check out the site below and leave some comments. Don't be afraid to express your hate if you hate it because I am an 18 year old kid. If an 18 year old cannot take criticism he's going to have trouble when he enters the work environment.

 

http://everydayfantasysports.blogspot.com/

 

Wanted to get my thoughts out there to others.

 

Thanks guys.

Edited by do94nbpt
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You begin with the phrase “as all of you avid National Football League Fans out there know”. Why? If your reader knows something which can be taken for granted, do so. You are competing for my attention with my wife, job, child, dog, chores, golf game, football viewing, and internet porn. Do not waste my time, just get right down to your unoriginal observation. By the way, by inserting “out there” into the unneeded phrase you are also falling victim to the cliché trap.

 

In your second line “adjustments” does not agree with your verb “is”.

 

Your presumption that the increase in speed and strength from college to the pros in the NFL is unique is likely flawed. There is a similar increase in athleticism between college basketball and the NBA.

 

Now, in your fourth sentence, you get to the premise of your article, but only after offering a double barreled platitude opening, needlessly delaying my impending masturbation.

 

The use of “etc.” is the very declaration of a lazy mind. You wish there to be more salient factors to discuss in your article, but you just can’t be troubled to think what they are. Why then would I be troubled to continue reading?

 

“Heart” is an attribute.

 

“Yet there are examples”? I have no idea what you are going for here. Why the use of the word “yet”?

 

You next set forth the proposition that the majority of the undersized go undrafted. That might be fine if you ended up proving this position or at least arguing it, but you do not. The rest of your missive goes on to cite a handful of shorties, a statistically insignificant handful at that, who were all high draft choices. Second, and even third round selections in the NFL are not players who have been ignored by scouts, they have in fact been identified as guys expected to play and succeed in the league.

 

Your personal offense does not come into this. If you were a well-known columnist with a longstanding relationship with your readers we might care about your offense. In this instance we do not.

 

“Drew Brees stands in only at 6 feet…” "Stands in at" is a cliché and offers nothing to the article.

 

You then speculate as to why Brees makes a statement. This is rather reckless speculation. You do this stating he does not want to stir a fire when you mean more precisely that he does not want to stoke the fire. Lots of speculation here as to what Brees thinks.

 

Really, your chief examples of ignored talent are 2nd round draft choices?

 

Smith does not have a strong case for induction into any Hall of Fame other than Carolina’s. I am big fan of hyperbole, but I do not aspire to be taken seriously as a writer.

 

Finally, Wes Welker, a player that sort of makes your case. Frankly though, as the only example that you cite actually making your case he highlights that your case is weak.

 

You argue that NFL scouts say that undersized players cannot play in the league due to size and that they are dead wrong in doing so, yet you have not cited a single instance of such a statement by a scout. You have sighted one undrafted player who was identified by scouts to be picked up as an undrafted free agent and a bunch of high draft choices to prove the proposition. Thus far I am certain I should have shifted my attention to another blog.

 

You are 18. Keep writing. You are already at the level of most ESPN writers and commentators. That is to say poor, unprofessional, yet highly successful. Keep writing and aspire to something greater than tired concepts, poorly supported, and written in clichés. The mere fact that you put yourself out there tells me you are going to be somebody. When you are a Columnist for S.I. I would hope you would think back to this post, smile, and then refuse to take my call.

Edited by Ditkaless Wonders
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DW was perhaps a bit harsh about your own personal rhetorical style. I do not see a great issue in utilizing cliches and figures of speech in what is meant to be a casual article for a casual reader. Grammatically and stylistically I thought the articles were pretty sound for an 18 year old writer. A few things though:

 

You need to better define what you intend to argue (not necessarily specifically, but generally to allow the reader to be on the same wavelength of what you will say in your body). This is the purpose of the introductory paragraph and title, where you are currently relying too much on "setting the stage" for your argument and wasting time coming out with it.

 

I do agree with DW, that you did not do a good job making your case in the "too small" article, and relied on general assumptions that you have not adequately backed up.

 

Nowhere did you back up that "NFL scouts that still say a young player cannot play in the NFL because of their size are dead wrong", when all of your examples had them still being drafted in the first few rounds. As for Welker, as you said it was not just his lack of size, but apparent lack of NFL skills that caused him to go undrafted. You did little to prove that the scouts think smaller guys "can't play" for that reason alone, nor that they rely to heavily on just speed and size. See Michael Calvin who has absurd measurables, but went undrafted as just one example.

 

You also do not dispute the alternative opinions, such as that shorter QBs appear to have a tougher time seeing over taller lineman. This could be backed up by many shorter QBs who were not successful in reading the field, rather than an exception to the rule like Brees or Wilson. To build your argument, you cannot act like the alternative opinions of scouts who do this for a living are completely unfounded. You have to show why their opinions are wrong, not just assume that they're wrong because it fits into the hypothesis you chose.

 

Finally, you need to use shorter paragraphs, even if related to the same premise, when you switch what you're talking about. For instance this paragraph would be better split to:

 

 

The Packers are well known for having an elite quarterback in Aaron Rodgers, but in this game, the Packers defense was the part needed to win this game. Throughout the first half, the Packers secondary held the Bears’ star receiver Brandon Marshall without a catch. This is, a tough task to do as Marshall’s last game without a catch came in his rookie season in 2006.

 

As a whole unit, the secondary intercepted Jay Cutler four times on the night. (But) Without the pass rush, the secondary would not have as easy a night as they did.

 

The key player in this game was Clay Mathews as he was a beast rushing the passer, finishing with 3.5 sacks on the night.

 

The man trying to stop Mathews was left tackle J’Marcus Webb who made himself look real bad in the national spotlight. The combination of strong secondary play and a strong pass rush on defense caused Cutler to throw four picks and get sacked seven times.

 

The last 2 paragraphs could be combined, but see how much easier that is to digest, rather than trying to jam a bunch of different points into a single paragraph.

 

Also, you need to use more transitions to make it flow better (I added a few above, but it still needs work). Right now it's just very scatter-brained even when broken into smaller paragraphs. Stay on point and build one argument or narrative, otherwise it's jsut like reading random game notes.

 

Really your issues just come down to better proving what you claim to prove, by relying on specific evidence rather than general assumptions about the other side's argument, and also writing in a way that is more clear and easily digestible to your reader.

 

I'll admit that it's still a challenge for me to go from writing in a complex essay style that dazzled my professors, to a style that the layperson can easily comprehend; But it will come for you with experience and education.

 

However, I think you've got the talent if you can break some bad habits. Good luck!

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You already are much more than half way to your goal. Instead of dreaming you are doing. You are working. You are putting yourself out there. Accept what criticism you find constructive after reflection, reject the rest, and you will find your style. When style and passion merge seamlessly you will be a success as the trick in life is finding one's passion, and you already have, putting you ahead of the game.

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Alright kid, I'll give you some advice. Before I jump head first giving you my critic, I must first take issue with your picks. I get three lines down and I see you picked against my Cowboys, in there home opener, after a beat down in Seattle. So I say to myself, "he's gotta have a reason for this folly".

 

Low an behold I find your predictions. I see Romo rated #5 meaning what? I believe I can safely assume you believe Romo is going to throw all over the Tampa Bay D or you wouldn't have him up there. Then I go to your Running backs. Doug Martin, Blount, nowhere to be found. Further down I see your receiver predictions, no Mike Williams, no V Jackson, not a single Buc in your top 15.

 

So maybe your thinking their gonna TE us to death...........nope no Bucs TE either. I want you to know by now I'm past the point of the initial twinge of disappointment you picking against my Cowboys and moved on to scratching my head. :thinking: Ok chin...

 

Alright your picking the Bucs to put up 24 points while my Cowboys only put up 21. Hummmm I smell fish.....

 

This is where it gets interesting, so pay attention. You have Romo at #5, Freeman no where in your top #15. You have Murray as your #8 best running back but no Doug Martin in your top 15 RB. You have not a single WR for the Bucs in your top #15 WRs but Austin at #12. You have Witten at #10 and no Bucs TE.

 

Looks to me, by your own predictions, the Cowboys should kick the $hit out of the Bucs. Ahhhhh but maybe you slipped one passed me I say. Nope even Bailey at number #4 on your kicking list and you have Buffalo as your sleeper defense, so they aren't going to kick us or pick us to death. And Freeman, I almost forgot, where in the Hell is Freeman?

 

So what your trying to say is this. The Bucs are going to some how win while Romo goes off as the #5 QB, to Austin and Witten, and Murray runs for the #12th spot. The're going to do all this somehow, without a Buc player cracking your top 15 at any position. Not even their lousy kicker. Son, that dog won't hunt, and you'll be lucky getting him in the truck without getting bit............ :nono:

 

So now it all comes clear. The clouds part and sun beams shine light on the whole picture. You don't like the Cowboys much do you boy. Aaahhaaaa.... See how I got there. :shades:

 

Now.......back to that bit of constructive feedback. I think you may want to re-crunch your numbers there sparky. If you add up what it would take to be in the positions you have each Cowboy on your list, and the mere fact that not one Buc is on it, the Cowboys are gonna smash the Bucs. I'm no rocket scientist but Romo going for 280 and 2TD to get to #5 Murray 80 and 1 or 80 and a few catches for some yardage, added to Witten's 5 and 50 to get to #12. While Bailey punches through 3 and a few extra points to get to #4. The Bucs D would have to be on your list in what would be the single greatest Defensive scoring effort of the year to beat the Cowboys at home given your predictions. And they are NOT, on your list, now are they.

 

Ok let me get back on point. Romo is short and therefore has a tougher time seeing over his lineman but will somehow see good enough to get to #5 on your list! $hit I can't get past your prediction. Sorry............. :huh:

 

However, that being said, your off to a good start. Last bit of advice, picking with your emotions is a bad way to pick. Trust me I know......... :glare:

Edited by Cowboyz1
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1. Buy a legit domain. Hard to get a lot of views from www.yourname.blog.com site.

 

2. Get a unique name and stick with it. Is this Witness Sports or is this All-In-One? I have no idea, so how could I tell someone else about it.

 

3. Get your site a Twitter and a Facebook. Twitter is your best bet for getting pageviews -- tweet every article you publish via bit.ly and add appropriate hashtags.

 

4. Never half-ass anything. Either do it fully or stop. I say this because of your Image of the Day is currently Victor Cruz's crotch. I have no idea if that is Cruz or not actually, I can only guess since I can't see the person's face.

 

5. Get rid of long list in blog format. Decide if you wanna be a site that BLOGS about fantasy football, or ADVISES on fantasy football. You can be both that is a lot harder. Separate the two of them -- fftoolbox.com does a good job of having both articles and rankings, but not really in the same place.

 

6. If you are going to make NFL game picks (which I don't recommend since you are a fantasy football blog, not an NFL blog) write about the picks, don't just give them. Keep it short and funny, don't delve into hard stats over simple game predictions.

 

Take what parts of this advice you wish, I think it's all solid, conservative advice that will really help you. Just get a focus really, don't write about NFL and fantasy, separate them. Talk about NFL news as it relates to fantasy exclusively, and the impact that news has on fantasy football players. For example, I see a post on Clay Mathews silencing critics...why? Clay Mathews silencing critics has nothing to do with FF, therefore if your target market is FF, then that article misses the mark.

 

If you focus on fantasy football you could really hit a niche market. Give off-the-cuff fantasy advice, add a little bit of raunch and dirty humour here and there, and you could get a nice, loyal, audience. Most importantly I wish you good luck, it takes a helluva commitment to actually be even moderately successful as a blogger, but I commend you for trying and hope you succeed.

 

If you want my help/assistance/more criticism feel free to PM me and I'll be glad to help you however I can. Believe it or not I do have a good amount of experience in this field.

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BTW you are wasting your time writing biography-esque blog posts on star athletes in the article about height...that horse has been thoroughly beaten to my liking. I don't read a blog to read about 5 year old "news" about how some guy is too short and overcame the odds blah blah blah...

 

#1 Point you should take from all this is BE UNIQUE and something SPECIAL. DONT write game recaps, cliches, and rankings with no explanations. I can get those things from ESPN well before you could possibly finish writing them, and I know ESPN is more reliable Basically I would strive to be Matthew Berry 2.0 if I were you..

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Seriously, Focus..Focus on being good even great at one thing and one thing only. Get really good at it. I mean Really good. Don't get distracted or frustrated by what people say or do. Don't let anyone distract you from what you want to be great at. Once your there you will find that people will look to you for that talent you have developed or insight you have that no one or few have been able to hone to the level you have.

 

Most importantly, once you find that thing stay consistent with it. Reward in this life take A LOT of work. You know those movies where the guy goes through hell but ends up with the suit case of money. That's what life is like. You will bust your arse for years and years and years in order be prepared for when that one opportunity presents itself. Then all those years of sacrifice, effort and diligence will pay off for you. Don't worry about looking for it, you will know it when you see it.

 

Lastly don't beat yourself up when you either piss away an opportunity or get frustrated waiting. Some of your biggest mistakes, you will learn the most from. Take every failure as a learning opportunity and take full advantage of it. It won't feel good at the time but you will look back on it and discover it took you to the next rung on the ladder your climbing.

 

Good luck kid. I believe your going to make good on what you start as you already overcome one of the things that holds people back and that is fear of being ridiculed. NO fear! Go for it just like you did here.

Edited by Cowboyz1
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So, you guys think I should focus on just one topic? Also, Cowboyz I see what you are saying based on my rankings and game picks. Thanks everybody for the feedback. I am the type of kid who accepts criticism and fights to not be critiqued. I take everything people suggest to me and try to institute the suggestions into my work.

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If you are going to be a blog about fantasy, probably not a good idea to go a weekend without any updates/blog entries...just saying. The site looks snazzy but I have no idea how to get back to any old posts also.

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I'm currently in a class with a teacher that wants to have full control over it so I probably won't be able to unleash everything until after the class ends. The teacher is getting me mad so I decided to start an additional blog. I will blog about fantasy sports primarily. Also, Bostonsoxandy I will be posting on the weekends to keep viewers updated on what is going on. Sorry about not being active on the other one as I said previously my teacher made me remove my posts.

The new blog site is:

http://everydayfsports.blogspot.com/

 

I just made it and will start posting by tonight.

Also, about not being able to view old posts, maybe that was because I had removed them. If that problem still occurs on the new blog please give me a heads up.

 

 

Thanks

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I'm currently in a class with a teacher that wants to have full control over it so I probably won't be able to unleash everything until after the class ends. The teacher is getting me mad so I decided to start an additional blog. I will blog about fantasy sports primarily. Also, Bostonsoxandy I will be posting on the weekends to keep viewers updated on what is going on. Sorry about not being active on the other one as I said previously my teacher made me remove my posts.

The new blog site is:

http://everydayfsports.blogspot.com/

 

I just made it and will start posting by tonight.

Also, about not being able to view old posts, maybe that was because I had removed them. If that problem still occurs on the new blog please give me a heads up.

 

 

Thanks

 

 

:tup: It's hard to get a feel though if you are seriously doing this or if this is just a school project or fad you are going through. My first post has several tips that are essential for any blog to even attempt to thrive in the online environment (e.g. Twitter, domain name, niche etc). Please revisit and let me know if you are planning on actually going through with those ideas, some other people had some pretty good ideas as well. BTW "everydayfsports" looks like "Everyday Sports" with a spelling mistake in the middle of it...

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:tup: It's hard to get a feel though if you are seriously doing this or if this is just a school project or fad you are going through. My first post has several tips that are essential for any blog to even attempt to thrive in the online environment (e.g. Twitter, domain name, niche etc). Please revisit and let me know if you are planning on actually going through with those ideas, some other people had some pretty good ideas as well. BTW "everydayfsports" looks like "Everyday Sports" with a spelling mistake in the middle of it...

 

No, I am going through with this. I am about to get my first post up on my new blog. The new blog http://everydayfsports.blogspot.com/ is going to be my main blog in which I am very active. My first blog is part of a writing course I am involved with. When my teacher introduced blogs as an option, it was very intriguing to me. I was planning to be very active on the blog but then found out my teacher only wanted one post every two weeks or so. Now, I have decided to start my own personal blog which will focus on fantasy football and I will start doing baseball posts when baseball rolls around next season. My mind is more entrenched in fantasy football compared to baseball. Therefore, the baseball posts will be semi raw, as I will inform my readers when the season comes. So to answer you, I am serious and will be active on this new blog I setup today. I have posted a schedule on my blog which I will follow. I am about to post my start/sit list and will read over the replies I received before I get rolling.

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:tup: It's hard to get a feel though if you are seriously doing this or if this is just a school project or fad you are going through. My first post has several tips that are essential for any blog to even attempt to thrive in the online environment (e.g. Twitter, domain name, niche etc). Please revisit and let me know if you are planning on actually going through with those ideas, some other people had some pretty good ideas as well. BTW "everydayfsports" looks like "Everyday Sports" with a spelling mistake in the middle of it...

 

 

http://everydayfantasysports.blogspot.com/

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No, I am going through with this. I am about to get my first post up on my new blog. The new blog http://everydayfsports.blogspot.com/ is going to be my main blog in which I am very active. My first blog is part of a writing course I am involved with. When my teacher introduced blogs as an option, it was very intriguing to me. I was planning to be very active on the blog but then found out my teacher only wanted one post every two weeks or so. Now, I have decided to start my own personal blog which will focus on fantasy football and I will start doing baseball posts when baseball rolls around next season. My mind is more entrenched in fantasy football compared to baseball. Therefore, the baseball posts will be semi raw, as I will inform my readers when the season comes. So to answer you, I am serious and will be active on this new blog I setup today. I have posted a schedule on my blog which I will follow. I am about to post my start/sit list and will read over the replies I received before I get rolling.

 

 

I see what you are saying, and I believe you when you say you are serious about the blog which is great. But I guess it matters what your goal is for your blog - if you want viewership you should probably purchase a domain. The difference is your current domain is (www.yournamehere.blog.com) while a bought domain would just be (www.yournamehere.com). Just a thought--- you can get one for as cheap as $5/year if you wait, I know slickdeals.net has deals on domains periodically.

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I see what you are saying, and I believe you when you say you are serious about the blog which is great. But I guess it matters what your goal is for your blog - if you want viewership you should probably purchase a domain. The difference is your current domain is (www.yournamehere.blog.com) while a bought domain would just be (www.yournamehere.com). Just a thought--- you can get one for as cheap as $5/year if you wait, I know slickdeals.net has deals on domains periodically.

 

I will look into that as my experience grows and my viewership increases. For now I'm going to see what I can work with. Also, I just posted the start and sit article. If you want to read it and give your reaction, that'd be cool. I tried to chose selections that are not obvious.

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Nice job with that piece imo. Your right, its not obvious advice which is refreshing.I doubt many ESPN heads are rambling on about how you should sit BMarshall and start Marcedes Lewis which makes you unique -- and I think you may just be right.

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Nice job with that piece imo. Your right, its not obvious advice which is refreshing.I doubt many ESPN heads are rambling on about how you should sit BMarshall and start Marcedes Lewis which makes you unique -- and I think you may just be right.

 

Looking at the schedule I set up, do you recommend adding more pieces or does it look good?

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Looking at the schedule I set up, do you recommend adding more pieces or does it look good?

 

 

I know you were addressing bostonsoxandy and not me, but if you do not mind the unsolicited comment I would suggest you concentrate on quality over quantity. It is quality which will attract positive attention. It is also better, from my perspective, when one expands as time and demand allow, rather than having to contract because of initial unrealistic overambitiousnes.

 

Do what you do as well as you can, be sure you have not over-reached, and then add when it is clear that you can maintain the pace.

 

Continued good wishes.

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I know you were addressing bostonsoxandy and not me, but if you do not mind the unsolicited comment I would suggest you concentrate on quality over quantity. It is quality which will attract positive attention. It is also better, from my perspective, when one expands as time and demand allow, rather than having to contract because of initial unrealistic overambitiousnes.

 

Do what you do as well as you can, be sure you have not over-reached, and then add when it is clear that you can maintain the pace.

 

Continued good wishes.

 

 

+1

 

Whole idea of finding a niche that you can MURDER if you know what I mean. Find some aspect that you freaking love and write about it as much as possible. I'd focus less on rankings/lists of players and more on color commentary w/ some bold, radical, but still justified ideas.

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+1

 

Whole idea of finding a niche that you can MURDER if you know what I mean. Find some aspect that you freaking love and write about it as much as possible. I'd focus less on rankings/lists of players and more on color commentary w/ some bold, radical, but still justified ideas.

 

So something like my start and sit list? The list has bold predictions. Incorporate those bold type of predictions into other posts?

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