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desperate measures and dependable brews part IV


WildTurkey
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Alright, I'm back! (crickets)

 

In this week's column lightly read post in a public forum, we highlight a player owned in less than .01% of leagues who may get you 2 points in a PPR scoring league in which you get bonus points if your guy is even mentioned on TV or shown on camera. Plus, I'll highlight a much more dependable brew that will make you forget you actually started such a scrub. I recommend these plays only in leagues in which you don't spend money and in which hitting on completely random plays and then being able to brag about that for years to come is more valuable to you than actually winning the game.

 

Last week I told you to start Kellen Davis. Doing so would have netted you more points than Vernon Davis and Dennis Pitta COMBINED. So obviously you should trade (me) Vernon Davis for Kellen Davis.

 

Before we highlight this week's desperation play, I give you a replacement for the JUMbotron's cheerleader pics, that being the (straight) male's cheerleader fantasy that actually occurred in real life:

 

http://www.sportsgri...ely-to-ensue/#0

 

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of driving through Highway 82 into Starkville, Mississippi, this happening there is like discovering your septic tank was placed on top of a huge gold deposit. If this girl is a 6 or 7 in LA she's like a 10^10 billionth at Mississippi State. Anyway...

 

this week's desperation play is BRANDON STOKLEY!

 

Everyone's harping on the Manning and Brady rivalry resuming this week. But hardly anyone (OK absolutely no one) has mentioned that Stokley will be facing the team he torched with 77 yards and a TD the last time they met.*

 

Yeah, it may have been in 2004, but the fire is still there baby. And Peyton's going to look to bring back the magic from those glory days ... he's going to think back to those glory days. He's going to look for Marvin. He's going to look for Reggie. He'll check down to Pollard. And when none of those guys are there, he's gonna find his man ..... Stoaaaaaakely.

 

y'know, it's amazing and all Manning has come back from major surgery and is able to chunk the ball 15 yards, but to me, it's even more amazing that Brandon Stokley is on an NFL roster in the year 2012.

 

So if you have a 5 WR minimum in your league, start ol' Stokley and bust out the Outkast ("I like the way you move, da da dah"), Ying Yang Twins ("shake it like a salt shaker!" or do you shake it like a polaroid (a what?) picture) and Hoobastank, and party like it's 2004.

 

Now, onto something a little fresher, this week's beer is Old Rasputin from North Coast Brewery. I recommend anything from this brewery after you've had everything from Unibroue, which is high praise I assure you. This Russian Imperial Stout is smooth, velvety, very slightly licoricey with a coffee twang and a caramel head....and will absolutely set you on your ass if you have 3-4 in a single sitting. It's soooo easy drinking that it's about impossible not to, though. Let me buddies at BeerAdvocate.com do the talking: http://beeradvocate....profile/112/412

 

From "Moist Nugget:" This beer pours into an almost obsidian black, with a thick, tan head that develops on top, leaving slight lacing. Perfect. Smell, to my nose, is of roasted coffee and chocolate notes, with a definite booziness.

 

"JWicker says "The jet black appearance lets you know as soon as you pop open that bottle, you're in for a wild ride. I usually pour this into my special stout glass. The look is just great. Once poured, a dark tan foam more delicious than any cappuccino you have ever seen, immediately covers the top of the drink. Once you start drinking a glass of this, a wonderful division of carbonation fills your mouth from drink one until done."

 

Drink this early in the day and be good and _set_ by the time NE vs DEN happens. Throw a big hunk of bologna on the smoker at noon (http://www.ehow.com/how_8137474_smoke-bologna-meat.html ... you gotta trust me it's REALLY good) and finish the last of your 4 pack with it as the game kicks off.

 

Good luck and good beers

 

some turkey

 

* stokley actually played NE in 2005 and had 30 yards but that doesn't fit this story nearly as well.

Edited by WildTurkey
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