Titletown of Lambeau at 1957 and Waiting
At first glance, Big John comes out of the gate with a QB that actually gives him a chance. Romo has recently found a way to become productive this season, and there’s no reason to believe he won’t be successful this week against Philly. Unfortunately he faces off against Drew Brees who has been tearing it up since the Saints came off their bye week. From there, it just gets ugly folks. Puddy rolls with the incomparable Chris Johnson and the impressively consistent Ray Rice. Big John punts with Maroney who has finally been getting some “healthy” touches (but face it, the Pats just aren’t a running team), and Kevin Smith who is decent but struggling. John shudders to see that his QB’s new favorite target is in his opponent’s lineup! Each of Puddy’s Wideouts will outscore each of Big John’s, although Boldin could have a mechanical advantage if he finally plays in a wheelchair this week. TE’s match up nicely… Big John could have hoped to be dominant here with Shockey’s resurgence, but he faces Puddy’s newly acquired Dallas Clark this week. Big John has 6 guys on bye, but I don’t think any of them would start anyway.
Bottomline: Puddy’s RB’s and WR’s far outclass Big John’s and will crush his nuts into a fine powdery substance. 1957 and Waiting by 40 points.
Wayne Fontes International Fan Club at Hurricane Lombardi
Hey look at that, McNabb is having a pretty good season. Yeah, well you face off against Tom Brady so calm your ass down! Egret holds a creative strategy meeting with himself and comes up with the single RB set. Can’t say I blame him, but when your WR’s are the amazing disappearing Steve Smith, Clayton, Knox, and the Lion’s #2 Wideout, you’re gonna end up with a sore sphincter before the weekend is through. I’m not crazy about Chavez’s starters in general, but he’s got 3 starting Patriots facing the Dolphins this week, and that should be enough to bury anyone. Expect Egret to petition the league for a rule change to allow us to start two Kickers next season.
Bottomline: Chavez’s starters will by far outscore Egret’s and will crush his nuts into a fine powdery substance. Hurricane Lombardi by 30 points.
The Color Purple at Hammer of the Gods
Carson Palmer is back to form this year but faces a tough Ravens D this week, while Manning goes up against a Texans D that has a lot of all-star names, but little team cohesiveness. With Adrian Peterson on a bye, Grunge rolls the dice with two TE’s this week. Gonzalez might not fair too well against the Redskins who have been shutting down TE’s all year, but Supercuts (TM H8tank) wins despite this. Why? Alex’s best WR is starting for the Chiefs… and while the Chiefs will need to throw the ball a lot, at the end of the day they suck more than the suckiest suck has ever sucked. Grunge’s WR’s will carry him to an easy victory this week.
Bottomline: Grunge’s Wideouts will completely dominate Alex’s and will crush his nuts into a fine powdery substance. Hammer of the Gods by 30 points.
Ditka's Demons at ARodg Says F You
Tom’s QB has defied the odds and become fantasy relevant this year. Of course he faces the Broncos this week who have patched together an amazing D from the corpses of Defenses Past. Rodgers will T-off against the Bucs (if he can stay on his feet). Fatty’s starters are just sick! MJD and Turner are fricken scary enough, but then you throw in Andre Johnson and the finally wide awake Roddy White? The only starter that doesn’t make you nervous on Fatty’s team is his Kicker. And just watch now, his kicker will probably end up with 6 FG’s too. I applaud Ditka’s Demons for showing up at all. Westbrook might just play an entire game! And hey, now that Edge has been release by the Hawks, maybe now Julius Jones… (
I’m sorry I couldn’t even finish that ridiculous sentence). This will be yet another massacre.Bottomline: Fatty’s sick lineup will destroy Robin’s on every level and will crush his nuts into a fine powdery substance. ARodg Says F You by 40 points.
The Great Grabowskis at Motown Maulers
Goopy seems to have a lot of starters from the Bears (weird). While I like Cutler and Hester this week, Forte has been a bust and now faces a monster D against the run. But the good Doctor doesn’t really have the personnel to take advantage of this. Flacco is ok, but Hightower and Williams don’t exactly inspire. DeAngelo Williams and Randy Moss are the keys to this matchup. They seem to be hit or miss plays, and I believe this week they will both hit. Marshall is too schizophrenic to rely upon. Driver will continue to enrage all Jennings owners and will get some love from Rodgers, but it just won’t be enough. Finally a matchup that won’t be a huge blowout… but I still see Goopster pulling out a victory here.
Bottomline: A few of Goopster’s starters will outplay Dr. Love’s and that will be enough to crush his nuts into a rough granular pepper-like substance. The Great Grabowskis by 10 points.
Game of the Week!
Valhalland Drive at 4 Star Sweetness
Pope has his young franchise QB Matt Ryan facing a Saints Defense which is pretty stingy in allowing passing TD’s. I honestly can’t wait to see how the Falcons and the Saints matchup here… conventional wisdom would say that these two strong offenses will produce a shootout, but I’m not conventional... or wise. I predict that both Matt Ryan & Pierre Thomas will struggle. Savage benches Schaub (the second highest scoring player in the league) once again for Rivers facing the Giants. For good or bad, that might be the move that decides this entire matchup. With Steven Jackson on bye, Savage rolls with Ryan Grant and Mendenhall who aren’t superstars but they’re getting the job done. Wayne and Gates are huge and will keep this game very close! But Fitzgerald and Vincent Jackson will have strong enough games to just barely eek out a victory for Savage.
Bottomline: Savage’s consistent starters barely outplay Pope’s just barely grazing off his nuts leaving them mostly in tact… but that’s the kind of deep lingering ache that we all dread. Valhalland Drive by 1 point.
