Anyone Who Has Lost A Loved One

[loaf]

There is no good time to leave this world and no words that adequately describe the emotions of those left behind. Sorry Menudo

[rocknrobn26]

My Dad died 3 months after my wedding. That was 33 years ago. When I was a teenager we had a rocky relationship, but when I got my first full time job @ 18, we bonded. He died 5 years later and I felt cheated, but blamed myself, bein' an a-hole teenager. To this day, a day doesn't go by that I don't think of him. I still dream of him frequently. Hell, right now I have a tear just typing this.

 

Menudo, hold his memory close. What you're going thru is normal, but as unta said, watch for danger signs like depression.

 

My best to you.

Peace.

Edited November 11, 2005 by rocknrobn26

[Hat Trick]

I talk to my dead grandfather all the time.  I'm wearing an old torn flanel shirt of his today, in fact.  It has a tear in the left sleeve. 

 

When we were helping my grandmother box up some of his old clothes to go to Goodwill there was a little list of chores in the pocket of this shirt.  It read:

 

Chris (my cousin) - rake front yard

Kevin (my little brother) - paint back deck

John (me) - find hiding spot 

 

My grannie let me keep the shirt, she kept the note.

 

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Did you find the spot?

 

Sorry Menudo! I lost my best friend 10 years ago next week to suicide. It was very tough for me to deal with at the time. We grew up together since we were 3 and his family life was almost identical to mine. I think of him from time to time and when I need strength I go to visit him and I truly feel like he helps me. I lost my grandfather almost 2 years ago, and my oldest son asks to go by and visit him all the time, we were very close, in fact the closest of his 8 grandchildren. I let everyone have all the posessions he left behind cause I didn't need them. i can still feel him watching over me to this very day, he gives me signs from time to time (I know not everyone believes in that kind of thing, and I didn't until he died) and helps me get through the tough times. Just remember the good times you all had cause that's what he would want and what matters the most. Hang in there!

[Clubfoothead]

Did you find the spot?

 

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I think he was trying to figure out where I would hide. Sometimes down on the boat dock because you could hear him coming and quietly get down in the water and under the dock. Sometimes it was on his roof. Probably more work to be up on a black shingle roof in Texas than actually doing the chores.

[spain]

My biological father was shot and killed about 8 years ago. It had no effect on me. None. Didnt really know him. Dont miss him. Dont give a shi@te about him. Went to the funeral and didnt even care that he was dead. I dont want my kids to have no feelings and emotions when I die. When I am gone I want them to remember me and know that I loved them and we had great times together. I want them to remember me fondly and miss me when I am gone. Trust me, the pain of grief is infinitely better and more substantial than the dearth of emotion for a father you never really knew....

Edited November 11, 2005 by spain

[Deacon Bill]

Thanks for the post Deacon, this place (tailgate) is a much better place since you arrived.

 

Agreed..Deacon is good people.

 

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Thanks...backatcha'

[Savage Beatings]

Hey Menudo, if you don't mind, why don't you share some stories of your Dad with us? He sounds like the kind of guy that all of us could benefit knowing more about.

[geeteebee]

I think he was trying to figure out where I would hide.  Sometimes down on the boat dock because you could hear him coming and quietly get down in the water and under the dock.  Sometimes it was on his roof.  Probably more work to be up on a black shingle roof in Texas than actually doing the chores.

 

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Or he could have wanted to find where your stash was?

[TDFFFreak]

Menudo--

I can relate to this more than I wish I could. I lost my father at 27 (I am now 32.) We were very close, as I am with all my family. The first year or so is the toughest. I would suggest that part of your current sorrow may be tied to the holiday season, a season in which for many relates to spending time with family. Not having those that we were closest with this time of year can often compound the hurt and sadness we feel at the loss of a loved one.

 

Every signifing, big event in my life is a bit tougher at my dad's absense in life. I'm really feeling it currently as my wife is pregnant with my first child and what would be his first grandchild. He LOVED kids and it hurts when I think about the fact that he's not around to watch him/her grow up.

 

I thank the powers that be for the strong family and father I had growing up. It made me the person I am today and think that I am a good soul. Loss is life. If you need to talk to someone, do it as it may help you feel better or make sense of your feelings. I am currently pursuing my masters in psychology w/ an emphasis on marriage and family therapy perhaps in part to my dad and the loss of him. IT WILL GET BETTER, but you will always miss him on some level-- that's the price we pay for wonderful parents/role models. It's hard sometimes, but would you really want it any other way?

 

My thoughts are with you and keep on talking to us here in the Huddle.

Edited November 11, 2005 by TDFFFreak

[NSab]

Menudo, time heals all, it doesn't erase things. It was only a short time ago now. How you feel is the way you deal with thing emotionally. Hang in Bro be strong for the people you love. it will get easier.

[twiley]

Sorry to hear that. When my parents divorced I became really close with my Grandfather. After I got of college his health began to decline rapidly which was really tough for me because he was just a shell the man he once was. I spent the last 24 hours at his side while his body basically shut down. His death was pretty tough on me and it took some time to get over it. I initially turned to the bottle and hit it pretty hard (imagine that, me saying I hit it too hard.) You'll go through some rough times but I found out that remembering those good times you had with the loved one is the true therapy. Death of a loved one isn't easy but the one thing you'll always have are the memories and lessons learned. Memories and lessons which will stay with you your entire life and share with other people and family members. Take care.

[Menudo]

Hey Menudo, if you don't mind, why don't you share some stories of your Dad with us?  He sounds like the kind of guy that all of us could benefit knowing more about.

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Wow, where to start....... My Dad, like everyone wasn't perfect. He went through a bad time with drinking when I was young, and sometimes he got a little tough on me in my sports efforts. I'll start with the sports thing. Though he was sometimes tough one me, it was because of the fact that he knew I loved sports and how badly I wanted to do well. He went above and beyond the efforts of most fathers with their sons. He was a teacher, but I remember him coming home from work and taking me to the ballfield and pitching to me, hitting me fly balls, grounders, etc. for as long as I wanted to stay. For football, he would take me outside anytime I wanted to throw the football around. He was also a football coach, so he had a lot of insight for me. In wrestling, he actually paid an old State champion to work out and help me when I was young. I can't say it was pushing me, because it was me who wanted it so bad. He only ever gave me a hard time if he saw a lack of effort in me, not when I didn't succeed. Despite not having a lot of natural athletic ability, I was my high school's football MVP, and wrestling MVP twice. I was nominated for the county award for both wrestling and football MVP, coming in 2nd in both my Senior Year. I'm honestly not saying this stuff to brag. I wasn't all that fast, all that strong, and I couldn't jump through the roof or anything, but I succeeded, and turned down an opportunity to wrestle D1 at Pitt to play football at DIII Lebanon Valley where I was a 4-year letterwinner and captain. The reason I bring this up, is that I would have never come close to even that minimal success if it wasn't for the effort my Dad put in with me growing up.

 

More importantly than sports, my Dad love to laugh and make other people laugh and be happy, especially his family. He was a riot. Everyone knew he was a riot. Here are a few examples that come to my head:

 

A week before he died, he had a sugar attack while I was home. Sugar attacks are scary, I though he was dying. My mom got a misread on his sugar, so we immediately though he was dying and called 911. It turned out it was his sugar, but the paremedics wanted him to go to the hospital for "observation" because his blood pressure was low. He flatly refused going to the hospital and despite efforts from my sister, mother, and father-in-law, no one could get through to him. It was up to me. I asked him, "If something happens to you, would you really want your family to feel at fault because we didn't make you go to the hospital." He listened to me and decided to go. As it turns out, he never came back home again. However, someone asked what day it was, and I mistakingly said Sunday, when it was actually Monday. My Dad called the paremedic over and said he would like his son to go in for observation because he didn't even know what day it was.

 

One time he took a friend and me to Kentucky Fried Chicken's Drive-Thru for food. I told him I wanted to Chicken Littles. He then said, I would like to order Chicken McLittles. I said "Dad, it's not McDonalds, there is no Mc" Knowing I'm embarassed and pouncing on the situation he then says "I would also like a McThree Piece Meal, Some McMashed Potatoes, and three McCokes" Dad never worried about making an A$$ out of himself. As long as it make others laugh, which it made my best friend almost pi$$ himself.

 

My Dad always laughed at people who got upset for no reason. One time he mistaking went down a one way street, it was more like an alley. Some lowlife comes out cursing "You are going the wrong F$@$#ng way !!! " My Dad knowing full well the situation, rolls down his window and says "Sir, there is no way that you know where I am going, so your statement is ridiculous" The guy then gets more angry "This is a One Way street A$$HOLE !!!" to which my Dad replied "Sir, as you can see, I am only going one way"

 

Those are just a couple of examples that come to mind of his humor. He and I shared the same sense of humor and love to laugh. He was also a phanatical Steeler, Pirate, and Penn State fan. It is kind of funny, some people think it is pathetic for people to take sports so seriously, but sports was a bond that my Father and I had that could never be taken away. WHEN the Steeelrs win the Super Bowl, I know I will cry my eyes out, because I always wanted my Dad and I to see it happen together, hugging, jumping, and drinking.

 

Most importantly, my father taugh me that family is the most important thing in one's life. He made it clear that there was NOTHING he wouldn't do for his family. He went to heaven knowing how much his family loved him, and us in turn having no doubt how much he loved us.

 

Sorry for the rant, but you asked, and it actually feels good to type out these memories.

 

Edit: Wow, sorry about all the typos, spelling and grammar errors. There are too many for my lazy a$$ to even go back and fix.

Edited November 12, 2005 by Menudo

[Gunther]

flip the typos Menudo.

 

Great sense of humor affects everyone around them. Great read and thanks for sharing that with us.

[Savage Beatings]

and it actually feels good to type out these memories.

 

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I thought it might. Absolutely wonderful stories Menudo! You are a very lucky person to have had such an amazing relationship with your Dad, and now to be able to cherish those memories forever. Not too many people ever get to experience anything even remotely close to that.

[whomper]

Hey Menudo, if you don't mind, why don't you share some stories of your Dad with us?  He sounds like the kind of guy that all of us could benefit knowing more about.

 

1141225[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

 

Wow, where to start.......  My Dad, like everyone wasn't perfect.  He went through a bad time with drinking when I was young, and sometimes he got a little tough on me in my sports efforts.  I'll start with the sports thing.  Though he was sometimes tough one me, it was because of the fact that he knew I loved sports and how badly I wanted to do well.  He went above and beyond the efforts of most fathers with their sons.  He was a teacher, but I remember him coming home from work and taking me to the ballfield and pitching to me, hitting me fly balls, grounders, etc. for as long as I wanted to stay.  For football, he would take me outside anytime I wanted to throw the football around.  He was also a football coach, so he had a lot of insight for me.  In wrestling, he actually paid an old State champion to work out and help me when I was young.  I can't say it was pushing me, because it was me who wanted it so bad.  He only ever gave me a hard time if he saw a lack of effort in me, not when I didn't succeed.  Despite not having a lot of natural athletic ability, I was my high school's football MVP, and wrestling MVP twice.  I was nominated for the county award for both wrestling and football MVP, coming in 2nd in both my Senior Year.  I'm honestly not saying this stuff to brag.  I wasn't all that fast, all that strong, and I couldn't jump through the roof or anything, but I succeeded, and turned down an opportunity to wrestle D1 at Pitt to play football at DIII Lebanon Valley where I was a 4-year letterwinner and captain.  The reason I bring this up, is that I would have never come close to even that minimal success if it wasn't for the effort my Dad put in with me growing up.

 

More importantly than sports, my Dad love to laugh and make other people laugh and be happy, especially his family.  He was a riot.  Everyone knew he was a riot.  Here are a few examples that come to my head:

 

A week before he died, he had a sugar attack while I was home.  Sugar attacks are scary, I though he was dying.  My mom got a misread on his sugar, so we immediately though he was dying and called 911.  It turned out it was his sugar, but the paremedics wanted him to go to the hospital for "observation" because his blood pressure was low.  He flatly refused going to the hospital and despite efforts from my sister, mother, and father-in-law, no one could get through to him.  It was up to me.  I asked him, "If something happens to you, would you really want your family to feel at fault because we didn't make you go to the hospital."  He listened to me and decided to go.  As it turns out, he never came back home again.      However, someone asked  what day it was, and I mistakingly said Sunday, when it was actually Monday.  My Dad called the paremedic over and said he would like his son to go in for observation because he didn't even know what day it was.

 

One time he took a friend and me to Kentucky Fried Chicken's Drive-Thru for food.  I told him I wanted to Chicken Littles.  He then said, I would like to order Chicken McLittles.  I said "Dad, it's not McDonalds, there is no Mc"  Knowing I'm embarassed and pouncing on the situation he then says "I would also like a McThree Piece Meal, Some McMashed Potatoes, and three McCokes"  Dad never worried about making an A$$ out of himself.  As long as it make others laugh, which it made my best friend almost pi$$ himself.

 

My Dad always laughed at people who got upset for no reason.  One time he mistaking went down a one way street, it was more like an alley.  Some lowlife comes out cursing "You are going the wrong F$@$#ng way !!! "  My Dad knowing full well the situation, rolls down his window and says "Sir, there is no way that you know where I am going, so your statement is ridiculous"  The guy then gets more angry "This is a One Way street A$$HOLE !!!"  to which my Dad replied "Sir, as you can see, I am only going one way"

 

Those are just a couple of examples that come to mind of his humor.  He and I shared the same sense of humor and love to laugh.  He was also a phanatical Steeler, Pirate, and Penn State fan.  It is kind of funny, some people think it is pathetic for people to take sports so seriously, but sports was a bond that my Father and I had that could never be taken away.  WHEN the Steeelrs win the Super Bowl, I know I will cry my eyes out, because I always wanted my Dad and I to see it happen together, hugging, jumping, and drinking.

 

Most importantly, my father taugh me that family is the most important thing in one's life.  He made it clear that there was NOTHING he wouldn't do for his family.  He went to heaven knowing how much his family loved him, and us in turn having no doubt how much he loved us.

 

Sorry for the rant, but you asked, and it actually feels good to type out these memories.

 

Edit:  Wow, sorry about all the typos, spelling and grammar errors.  There are too many for my lazy a$$ to even go back and fix.

 

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Great Read Menudo..Nice call SB

[CaP'N GRuNGe]

I'd like to add you're all good people here. GB each and every one of you.

[tonorator]

Sorry for the rant, but you asked, and it actually feels good to type out these memories.

 

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not a rant my friend - it's some of the best stuff on the site.

 

remembering the good times is the best therapy you could ask for ...

 

you are going to be OK McNudo ...

[max]

Wow, where to start.......  My Dad, like everyone wasn't perfect.  He went through a bad time with drinking when I was young, and sometimes he got a little tough on me in my sports efforts.  I'll start with the sports thing.  Though he was sometimes tough one me, it was because of the fact that he knew I loved sports and how badly I wanted to do well.  He went above and beyond the efforts of most fathers with their sons.  He was a teacher, but I remember him coming home from work and taking me to the ballfield and pitching to me, hitting me fly balls, grounders, etc. for as long as I wanted to stay.  For football, he would take me outside anytime I wanted to throw the football around.  He was also a football coach, so he had a lot of insight for me.  In wrestling, he actually paid an old State champion to work out and help me when I was young.  I can't say it was pushing me, because it was me who wanted it so bad.  He only ever gave me a hard time if he saw a lack of effort in me, not when I didn't succeed.  Despite not having a lot of natural athletic ability, I was my high school's football MVP, and wrestling MVP twice.  I was nominated for the county award for both wrestling and football MVP, coming in 2nd in both my Senior Year.  I'm honestly not saying this stuff to brag.  I wasn't all that fast, all that strong, and I couldn't jump through the roof or anything, but I succeeded, and turned down an opportunity to wrestle D1 at Pitt to play football at DIII Lebanon Valley where I was a 4-year letterwinner and captain.  The reason I bring this up, is that I would have never come close to even that minimal success if it wasn't for the effort my Dad put in with me growing up.

 

More importantly than sports, my Dad love to laugh and make other people laugh and be happy, especially his family.  He was a riot.  Everyone knew he was a riot.  Here are a few examples that come to my head:

 

A week before he died, he had a sugar attack while I was home.  Sugar attacks are scary, I though he was dying.  My mom got a misread on his sugar, so we immediately though he was dying and called 911.  It turned out it was his sugar, but the paremedics wanted him to go to the hospital for "observation" because his blood pressure was low.  He flatly refused going to the hospital and despite efforts from my sister, mother, and father-in-law, no one could get through to him.  It was up to me.  I asked him, "If something happens to you, would you really want your family to feel at fault because we didn't make you go to the hospital."  He listened to me and decided to go.  As it turns out, he never came back home again.      However, someone asked  what day it was, and I mistakingly said Sunday, when it was actually Monday.  My Dad called the paremedic over and said he would like his son to go in for observation because he didn't even know what day it was.

 

One time he took a friend and me to Kentucky Fried Chicken's Drive-Thru for food.  I told him I wanted to Chicken Littles.  He then said, I would like to order Chicken McLittles.  I said "Dad, it's not McDonalds, there is no Mc"  Knowing I'm embarassed and pouncing on the situation he then says "I would also like a McThree Piece Meal, Some McMashed Potatoes, and three McCokes"  Dad never worried about making an A$$ out of himself.  As long as it make others laugh, which it made my best friend almost pi$$ himself.

 

My Dad always laughed at people who got upset for no reason.  One time he mistaking went down a one way street, it was more like an alley.  Some lowlife comes out cursing "You are going the wrong F$@$#ng way !!! "  My Dad knowing full well the situation, rolls down his window and says "Sir, there is no way that you know where I am going, so your statement is ridiculous"  The guy then gets more angry "This is a One Way street A$$HOLE !!!"  to which my Dad replied "Sir, as you can see, I am only going one way"

 

Those are just a couple of examples that come to mind of his humor.  He and I shared the same sense of humor and love to laugh.  He was also a phanatical Steeler, Pirate, and Penn State fan.  It is kind of funny, some people think it is pathetic for people to take sports so seriously, but sports was a bond that my Father and I had that could never be taken away.  WHEN the Steeelrs win the Super Bowl, I know I will cry my eyes out, because I always wanted my Dad and I to see it happen together, hugging, jumping, and drinking.

 

Most importantly, my father taugh me that family is the most important thing in one's life.  He made it clear that there was NOTHING he wouldn't do for his family.  He went to heaven knowing how much his family loved him, and us in turn having no doubt how much he loved us.

 

Sorry for the rant, but you asked, and it actually feels good to type out these memories.

 

Edit:  Wow, sorry about all the typos, spelling and grammar errors.  There are too many for my lazy a$$ to even go back and fix.

 

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Thanks for sharing Menudo. Thank you for letting us get a little sample of the great man that your father is.

[cubdaddy]

Thanks for sharing, Menudo. It helps all of us who've lost loved ones.

[Ziachild007]

One time he took a friend and me to Kentucky Fried Chicken's Drive-Thru for food.  I told him I wanted to Chicken Littles.  He then said, I would like to order Chicken McLittles.  I said "Dad, it's not McDonalds, there is no Mc"  Knowing I'm embarassed and pouncing on the situation he then says "I would also like a McThree Piece Meal, Some McMashed Potatoes, and three McCokes"  Dad never worried about making an A$$ out of himself.  As long as it make others laugh, which it made my best friend almost pi$$ himself.

 

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Your dad sounds like he was a hell of a guy to be around, Menudo. I was literally laughing out loud reading the part about KFC and picturing someone doing that.

[GOAT]

god bless,and good luck in all you do.it also helps to talk,be it to strangers,we all have loses,we all can relate one way or another.

[Rovers]

Consider yourself blessed, menudo. Not as bad as spain, but my father and I .... lets just say there was no love lost, I spent most of my life waiting for the day he died so I could have pleasant family visits with the rest of my family. My life got better the day he died.... sounds awful, but it's the brutal truth. You have a treasure full of memories there, be grateful, as best you can. On the flip side, my mom, the saint, died in my arms. I was happy to have been the one taking care of her for her last couple of years during a long illness. I'm grateful for that, as you have to try to be now. You are very lucky to have had a father like that. Hang in there, the pain lessens with time, but the memories don't. And congrats on your possible promotion.

 

PS: to Deacon..... it's amazing you survived all of that.... I have a ton of respect for you.

[ChuckB]

Menudo, thanks for sharing the stories about your dad, I was tearing up and laughin at the same time. I love readin everything on the Huddle, but threads like this that let go of all the bullsh!t and talk about real life and how things effect you have a profound effect on me and reminds me that behind all the personas and shtick(sp), that there are real people here with real issues and feelings and I am very lucky to be part of it.

 

Thanks again

[McNasty]

Thanks for the stories, Menudo. Your pops sounds like good people.

 

Well-wishes and prayers to you and your family. And I agree with what Ramhock said: he hears you.

[MojoMan]

Great stories Menudo.

 

I have to confess that frequently I'd be that @$$hole who would be pissed that your dad was driving the wrong way but your post put a different spin on it.

 

I'm glad for you that you had such great times with your dad. Even though he's gone now, no one can ever take those memories away from you.