:the lightbulb just came on:

[cliaz]

I had an epiphany (sp?) so to speak. I realized that I’m going about life wrong. See it’s like this: I work because I need to earn money to pay for bills and raise kids. The wife went back to work so there is a little pressure release in that department but for the most part I’ve been under a massive amount of stress the past year.

 

But why am I stressed out? If something happens and I lose my job it’s not like the whole family is going to be put out on the street. I mean for one I am starting to make more money doing side work than I am currently working for a mega telecommunication company (which is sad). Per week though it’s not steady year. So therefore in the event I would lose my job, cash flow will not be interrupted in a major way. I’d just have to cut out Poodle Dungeon Pron and my cost hobby of toilet Olympics.

 

Also with both her parents and my parents living within 3 miles of our street and with both sets of parents sitting on cash mountains it’s not like in the event if I did lose my job that we would risk defaulting on a car or house because we all know that they would lean us money (not that I would like to do that and in my opinion that is a last resort.)

 

So why do I stress out about work and money? Is it because society throws luxury stuff in my face saying that I’m not cool if I don’t own a iPod Nana, XBOX360, the latest flat screen TVs, CD players, Tivo, etc, etc. and that I need to buy this stuff? I know I enjoy buying gadgets and crap like that because I’m a guy but really what do I need that stuff for?

 

Then there is the whole retirement deal. I know I’m only 32 (relatively young so to say) but I stress out a lot on how I am going to do in the golden years. Let’s face it; the world isn’t going to be like it is for people entering retirement now or in the past 20 years. We are left on our own and as we’ve seen with Enron and my old company when we were WorldCom how one event can ruin a person’s retirement.

 

So I’ve tried to take matters into my own hands but still that eats away at me always worrying about that. I mean I am not in a high paying field my salary without any incentives is just over 60k and pretty much know that since I do not have a degree I will never see much more than that. I want to go back to work but when to find time? Of course when I say things like that all I have to do is look at those single mom’s working for 1/3 of what I make and having 4 kids but still managed to go to school and get their degrees.

 

Then there is the unforeseen events in life that creep up on you. Oh no that last T-storm ripped a hole in your roof or you’re a/c unit goes out and you need a new one. So I’m always stressing over our emergency fund. They say to at least have 6 months worth of bills set aside but I’m so worried about stuff that I make sure we also have enough to cover stuff like I mentioned above BUT when we have to dip into it for other reason I eat a hole in my stomach worry about getting money back into the fund just incase something else happens.

 

It’s not like I put these things ahead of my kids or anything but I just don’t want my family to ever have hard times.

 

Money has been a stress point for me for years. I guess it’s because when I was growing up my step-father (the firefighter) was hit in his back by a 50lb container of fire gel used to put out chemical fires and then fell 3 stories to the ground. It put him in bed for a year. During that time we were so poor waiting for all the lawyers to hash out crap that we went grocery shopping at church and had what we called “The Utility of the Week”

 

Very rough times. And I remember kids teasing me in 2nd grade about my clothes and shoes, etc. Normal kid crap but I think because I remember that stuff and would not want that to happen to my kids that I stress too much about stuff that really shouldn’t matter.

 

What does all of this mean? Well my draft day is this Saturday and I think I’ve decided on something. Why should I keep up with the Jones or at least worrying that my family isn’t getting the best of stuff or is set up good for the emergencies that will come anyways so why worry about it? Does it matter if my shoes are 6 months old or 1 year old as long as they are in good shape?

 

All that matters is that our children get the best we can provide them. After that just make sure that the bills are paid and money is saved.

 

I wish I could just say that and I would feel better.

 

What to know just how hardcore I am about making sure my family is taken care of? I spent a month putting together a death packet for my wife. In the event that I die out of the blue I have three folders in a safety deposit box at her bank that have every account user name/password, every password to anything I have, how to pay the bills, which bills are due when, all of my retirement accounts, life insurance policies anything you can think of to run the house detailed and laid out for her so she wont miss a beat if I die. And to take it further those account passwords are coded and she knows how to decoded them. Anal huh? But it gave me some peace of mind knowing that she wont have to struggle to get any of the information she needs.

 

We had a friend of our good friends die and his wife was screwed over because he did all the finances and she didn’t know where to go or what to do. It was a mess for her for months until she just got everything together.

 

I think all of the above compounded with my current work situation has caused this issue I’m having with my health.

 

How do I just let go so I don’t stress. I can’t not think about things like this. Maybe there is some wonder drug out there that the Dr can give you to just dull life a bit for me to calm down. I don’t know but I do know that I will never seen 60 if I keep at what I’m doing right now.

 

Okay well that’s it guys. If you’ve read this to completion then good for you because I am not re-reading this long rant. Thanks for listening.