Double Agent Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 a 13 year old? In 2008? not likely I don't buy it. I would guess that most divorces aren't caused by infidelity...so it's not that big of a stretch to say they're just not in love any more. And it's not a lie either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 my buddy's lawyer said to go buy gift cards. from everywhere. walgreens and your grocery stores too. and then hide them. if they ask, just say it was for groceries. most gift cards expire after 90 days, your lawyer is a moran Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiefjay Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 most gift cards expire after 90 days, your lawyer is a moran i was thinking a year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yo mama Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 (edited) my buddy's lawyer said to go buy gift cards. from everywhere. walgreens and your grocery stores too. and then hide them. if they ask, just say it was for groceries. I feel compelled to point out that if you get caught hiding money there can be negative repercussions. Yes, you need to position yourself defensively. Yes, taking stock of all your accounts' current balances and coming to an agreement regarding interim finances is absolutely required. But I wouldn't advise doing anything that might hurt you chances for custody. Preemptively hiding assets from your spouse in contemplation of divorce - so that there is less to divide among you upon divorce - is tantamount to stealing. And that's all your ex's lawyer will need to paint you as a deceptive thief if you get caught, which she might do in order to paint you both as bad actors. Since "Brent" has the cleaner hands it will be easier for his wife to try and tear him down in the eyes of the family court judge than it will be to build herself up. I'd recommend taking the high road. However, if you have any separate accounts (like from an inheritance, gift, or assets from before marriage) I'd take great pains to protect it and not commingle it with joint assets. My recommendation would be to pay bills together, balance check books together, and keep everything out in the open. Secret credit cards and stuff like that can present problems, especially if you're in a community property state. So running a credit check on the Mrs. might not be a bad idea because you'll smoke out stuff you might not otherwise be aware of. Edited July 31, 2008 by yo mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KSUChiefsTarheelFan Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I don't buy it. I would guess that most divorces aren't caused by infidelity...so it's not that big of a stretch to say they're just not in love any more. And it's not a lie either. yeah, but what you are doing is chancing the fact that the kid may already know or not know. I knew a lot of shyt my mother was doing at 13, that she had no idea that I knew. So in a sense, it isn't lying, but it is withholding information to a kid that is prolly a lot smarter than one would think. Now the younger kids, I would take a different route. Most likely yours if I had a road to take. But the 13 year old? Most likely already knows... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 my buddy's lawyer said to go buy gift cards. from everywhere. walgreens and your grocery stores too. and then hide them. if they ask, just say it was for groceries. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlanta Cracker Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Okay, but if you think the kid should know, it has to come from the parent that did the cheating. It's a no-win situation for the non-cheating parent as the kid will think it's some form of manipulation or betrayal. I could be wrong, but just somethign to consider. My parents got divorced when I was 15 due to my dad cheating on my mom. My mom was the one who told me since dad wasn't in the house for a few days. It was pretty F'n obvious he was the one at fault and didn't seem like manipulation at all. I'll never forget the day he came and packed up his poopye and moved out. The only thing I wanted in the world was for them to figure out a way to make it work or give it one more try. Now, 20 years hence, I'm really glad that it worked out the way it did. I ended up having a great relationship with both of them though I still hold a little grudge against my father. I can see that they both ended up happier being divorced than they would have been staying married though and they were at least civil regarding me and my sister so that helped. My mother in law is the woman he cheated with and I still don't really care for her but somehow she puts up with my dad so I'll give her credit for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 My mother in law is the woman he cheated with and I still don't really care for her but somehow she puts up with my dad so I'll give her credit for that. Whoa...you married her daughter? Or did you mean step-mother? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Country Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 most gift cards expire after 90 days, your lawyer is a moran In california, it is illegal for gift cards or gift certificates to expire..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I guess I have some experience here with my parents as well. my mom and dad met when they were like 20, she got pregnant with me, they got married to "do the right thing". before I was a year or two old he was cheating on her, they got divorced (never should've gotten married in the first place)...so I have no memory of them together, their divorce was always just a fact of life for me, not something I had to "come to grips" with. fast forward to when I'm about 12. apparently, my mom (who remarried when I was 3) was involved with some infidelity against my stepdad. no one exactly told me why they were separating, I just had to put two and two together. for 2-3 years they were separated, but never divorced. my stepdad was the impetus behind them getting back together. he dated a little during the separation, but he remained constant in thinking they needed to get back together. he also remained constant to me, something I shared a bit about here when he died earlier this year they got back together my freshman year of high school, and they were completely happy together until he was taken from us. his example, like savage's dad, is one I believe all of us should give a little more respect to. it's an example of love, family, and forgiveness being stronger than pride and jealousy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I guess I have some experience here with my parents as well. my mom and dad met when they were like 20, she got pregnant with me, they got married to "do the right thing". before I was a year or two old he was cheating on her, they got divorced (never should've gotten married in the first place)...so I have no memory of them together, their divorce was always just a fact of life for me, not something I had to "come to grips" with. fast forward to when I'm about 12. apparently, my mom (who remarried when I was 3) was involved with some infidelity against my stepdad. no one exactly told me why they were separating, I just had to put two and two together. for 2-3 years they were separated, but never divorced. my stepdad was the impetus behind them getting back together. he dated a little during the separation, but he remained constant in thinking they needed to get back together. he also remained constant to me, something I shared a bit about here when he died earlier this year they got back together my freshman year of high school, and they were completely happy together until he was taken from us. his example, like savage's dad, is one I believe all of us should give a little more respect to. it's an example of love, family, and forgiveness being stronger than pride and jealousy. Well said. Most dads say they would do anything for their kids. So I don't fault anyone for staying in a marriage for the kids. Obviously the marriage which they knew is gone. It's something different now. Can she remain faithful?...no one knows at this point. But I can certainly understand why someone with babies would want to explore every option. Not sure I could stay. But I'd really have to think and pray over an extended time before making that decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whomper Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 my buddy's lawyer said to go buy gift cards. from everywhere. walgreens and your grocery stores too. and then hide them. if they ask, just say it was for groceries. Gift cards expire so dont hold on to them too long Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double Agent Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I'd be more inclined to get cash back at the grocery store than buy gift cards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Country Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Gift cards expire so dont hold on to them too long As noted in my reply, in california this is not true. In Jersey, it is a minimum of two yers before it can expire. This site lists the laws for many states regarding gift cards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Another thing to consider is age. Right now, presumably, she is young and feeling hot and sexy. She wanted to screw around enough so that she was willing to risk everything. You are more than understandably ticked off. But what happens when you guys are 60, 70, 80 years old? Sometimes having someone there with you when your days become numbered is more important than being right, but being alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 But what happens when you guys are 60, 70, 80 years old? they are still screwing at this age, trying to continue to be young and sexy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 they are still screwing at this age, trying to continue to be young and sexy. Yeah maybe... I'm just saying that it is something to consider. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonorator Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Yeah maybe... I'm just saying that it is something to consider. i know what you are saying ... i have relatives well into the 70's cheating like there's no tomorrow, along with their friends, who are into their 80s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiegie Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 But what happens when you guys are 60, 70, 80 years old? Sometimes having someone there with you when your days become numbered is more important than being right, but being alone. uh, there are other fish in the sea Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 i know what you are saying ... i have relatives well into the 70's cheating like there's no tomorrow, along with their friends, who are into their 80s. uh, there are other fish in the sea please don't bring your freaky lemon parties with rr and sky into this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Another thing to consider is age. Right now, presumably, she is young and feeling hot and sexy. She wanted to screw around enough so that she was willing to risk everything. You are more than understandably ticked off. But what happens when you guys are 60, 70, 80 years old? Sometimes having someone there with you when your days become numbered is more important than being right, but being alone. I'll burn in hell first Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Savage Beatings Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I'll burn in hell first Or, you know, just don't get back together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
westvirginia Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I've heard a saying that I've come to live by - would I rather be right or would I rather be happy? Don't let wounded feelings/pride get in the way of what would make you happy. The flip side of this is, you are responsible for your own happiness. I'd let my emotions die down a little, though, before even thinking about a decision. You can live apart for a while, if need be. In the great scheme of things, a few months apart won't decide a thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
polksalet Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I've heard a saying that I've come to live by - would I rather be right or would I rather be happy? Don't let wounded feelings/pride get in the way of what would make you happy. The flip side of this is, you are responsible for your own happiness. I'd let my emotions die down a little, though, before even thinking about a decision. You can live apart for a while, if need be. In the great scheme of things, a few months apart won't decide a thing. Ive heard a saying also it it something like "fool me once...." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Yeah...at some point when the kids are adults I'm sure they'll figure it out. But if this happened to me I'd never tell the kids that their mom banged some other guy. Yeah... but Dad tells Uncle Marty. Cousin Fred hears Uncle Marty telling Bowling Buddy Larry. And we all know that Cousin Fred is a dumbass, and he'll tell the kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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