Manny Ramirez Trying To Train Birds To Carry His Pop Fly Balls Over Fence

[matt770]

One of the funniest stories from the Onion in a while...

 

OAKLAND, CA—In an apparent attempt to keep himself relevant this season after a year off and a 50-game suspension to come, Manny Ramirez told reporters at an Oakland A's workout Monday he has been hard at work trying to teach birds how to snatch fly balls he hits and fly them over the fence for home runs. "I had a lot of time to think about how to get more home runs and came up with birds," explained Ramirez, pulling a parakeet out of an Athletics duffel bag filled with various birds and taping a baseball to its feet. "Everybody loves it when I hit the home runs, man. Even the birds, the home run birds. If they see they can help me do it, they will help me." Ramirez threw several birds taped to balls from the outfield toward the fence before giving up and taking the remaining animals into Oakland's tape room to show them footage of how sad he gets when he hits pop flies.

[Chief Dick]

The big question is if they are African swallows or European swallows.

[buddahj]

I can actually believe that he'd try something like this.