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Things You'd Like To Say Outloud at Work


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THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

 

 

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shucks.

 

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

 

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

 

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

 

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

 

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

 

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

 

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

 

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a darn word you're saying.

 

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

 

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

 

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

 

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give darn.

 

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

 

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

 

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of

view.

 

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

 

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

 

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

 

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

 

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

 

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

 

23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

 

24. Do I look like a people person?

 

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

 

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

 

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

 

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

 

29. Error have been made. Others will be blamed.

 

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

 

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

 

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

 

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

 

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

 

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

 

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

 

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

 

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

 

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

 

40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

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1. You piece of worthless Athena management. How in the hell did you managed to live this long in the world without falling down and breaking your neck? Is it too much to ask for all of you to climb up on the roof and take swan dive into the asphalt? Percentage? Oh, I guess receiving a 3% raise is great in the eye of you upper management c0ck gobblers. Let me ask you, 3% of Athena is still Athena, isn’t it? I mean, I should be grateful that I am getting 3% after you took away my 10% shift differential and my bonus making me loose $15,000 in my salary but hell that 3% is going to be fantastic. You little Athenas with your golden parachutes and your built in bonus structure that gives you a 10% bonus over the course of the year make me sick to my f(_)cking stomach. Sure, I mean, let’s just merge the company into a “Strategic alliance” that will cost the jobs of 500 people just so you can get that extra 3% in your bonus and then get an 8% raise the following year because you save the company just that much more in salaries.

 

Oh I would love to take all of you all outside and line you up again the wall, take a bucket of frozen paint balls and shoot each and every one of you in the genitals. Hell I know what would be fun, take that ankle grabbing anal monk we call our C.E.O. and put him in a closet. Then, start injecting him with heroin over the course of a month and deprive him of food and water. Oh this is the good point, he’ll be so doped up on the smack that we can start feeding him his own body parts without him knowing what is going on, I think starting with his toes.

 

I’ve seen a better collection of human beings on death row than in my corporate boardroom. Freaking CFO is most likely sucking the champagne off of the CEO’s nut sack and asking for more. Then they get to go home to their 6 million dollar home and bang their nanny while their wife is tossing some pool boy’s salad. All of them smiling from ear to ear knowing that they could give a Greek blue f(_)ck on how we, the employees are doing.

 

2. I hate mondays.

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1. You piece of worthless Athena management.  How in the hell did you managed to live this long in the world without falling down and breaking your neck?  Is it too much to ask for all of you to climb up on the roof and take swan dive into the asphalt?  Percentage?  Oh, I guess receiving a 3% raise is great in the eye of you upper management c0ck gobblers.  Let me ask you, 3% of Athena is still Athena, isn’t it?  I mean, I should be grateful that I am getting 3% after you took away my 10% shift differential and my bonus making me loose $15,000 in my salary but hell that 3% is going to be fantastic.  You little Athenas with your golden parachutes and your built in bonus structure that gives you a 10% bonus over the course of the year make me sick to my f(_)cking stomach.  Sure, I mean, let’s just merge the company into a “Strategic alliance” that will cost the jobs of 500 people just so you can get that extra 3% in your bonus and then get an 8% raise the following year because you save the company just that much more in salaries. 

 

Oh I would love to take all of you all outside and line you up again the wall, take a bucket of frozen paint balls and shoot each and every one of you in the genitals.  Hell I know what would be fun, take that ankle grabbing anal monk we call our C.E.O. and put him in a closet.  Then, start injecting him with heroin over the course of a month and deprive him of food and water.  Oh this is the good point, he’ll be so doped up on the smack that we can start feeding him his own body parts without him knowing what is going on, I think starting with his toes.

 

I’ve seen a better collection of human beings on death row than in my corporate boardroom.  Freaking CFO is most likely sucking the champagne off of the CEO’s nut sack and asking for more.  Then they get to go home to their 6 million dollar home and bang their nanny while their wife is tossing some pool boy’s salad.  All of them smiling from ear to ear knowing that they could give a Greek blue f(_)ck on how we, the employees are doing. 

 

2. I hate mondays.

1282869[/snapback]

 

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:huh:;)

 

I used to work for people like that. :D No, not by choice.

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Oh I would love to take all of you all outside......not wanting to repeat the rest of this sentence....  Hell I know what would be fun, take that ankle grabbing anal monk we call our C.E.O. and put him in a closet.  Then, start injecting him with heroin over the course of a month and deprive him of food and water.  Oh this is the good point, he’ll be so doped up on the smack that we can start feeding him his own body parts without him knowing what is going on, I think starting with his toes.

1282869[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

 

:D

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GGG   OO    BBB   RRR    OO   N  N   CCC   OO    SSS  !!!  G     O  O   B  B  R  R  O  O  NN N  CC    O  O  S     !!!G GG  O  O   BBB   RRR   O  O  N N   C     O  O   SS    !G  G  O  O   B  B  R R   O  O  N  N  CC    O  O     S.GG    OO    BBB   R  R   OO   N  N   CCC   OO   SSS   !!!

 

1282939[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

I'm thinking you could probably lose that sig now ... they are going, home.

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Oh, I guess receiving a 3% raise is great in the eye of you upper management c0ck gobblers.  Let me ask you, 3% of Athena is still Athena, isn’t it?  I mean, I should be grateful that I am getting 3% after you took away my 10% shift differential and my bonus making me loose $15,000 in my salary but hell that 3% is going to be fantastic. 

 

 

1282869[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

Cliaz, did they really screw you out of this much $? :D

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"See this face,  this is my I DON'T GIVE A F#@K FACE!!"

Hey boss,  I'm suffering from ANAL GLAUCOMA.  I just don't see my ass doing anything today!!

 

1285891[/snapback]

 

 

 

 

:D:D

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