Teaching Your Kids Manners

[spain]

I was raised in the south, when things were quite different than they are today. When I grew up, everybody answered their elders, especially their teachers and parents, as "Yes sir" or Yes Mam". We also said "please" when we wanted something and "thank you" when something was given us. My mother demanded it and we always obliged or we would face the consequences. I to this day say "yes mam" to my mother, aunt, grandmother, and my mother in law. I say "yes sir" to my stepfather and other folks to. Thats just the way I was raised, and real frankly, even though I grew up in a lower class neighborhood, everybody spoke like that. Thats just the way it was.

 

Scroll foward about 30 years. I have 2 kids, ages 4 and 1/2 and 2 and 1/2. Although my wife is a Yankee and never really adhered to such pleasantries, we are raising our kids to do the "yes Mam", "please", "thank you", etc. We correct them immediately if they dont say it. If my daughter says, "Daddy, I am thirsty". I say, "so?". She will then respond with "Daddy, may I have some chocholate milk, please". And when she gets it she says an immediate "thank you". Heck my 2 year old even knows those basics. And they better not say "yea or no" to me or anyone else in our family or authority figures. She knows manners. I dont see alot of people teaching their kids these 'antiquated' notions of manners anymore.

 

We went up to Chicago for the July 4th. My wife's brother and his wife have 2 kids ages 15 and 11. They are good kids. Very active in sports, scouts, swimming, tennis, etc. I never heard them address anyone, even their 81 year old grandmother as "mam or sir". I never heard either one of them say please or thank you during the 5 days I was there. Their parents were absolutely astonished that our kids said those things without prompting. I did see the 11 year old hang up the phone on her mother when the mother wouldnt take her shopping with her. I almost blew a gasket. The mother simply called back to explain why she couldnt take her shopping. I stuck my big nose into it and said, "you owe an 11 year old child no explanation. You owe her some discipline for thinking she can hang up the phone on her mother". The mother then sort of realized what I was saying, but still didnt do anything but yell. I am not a fan of yelling without some action to back it up. No follow through makes everything you say pointless.

 

Do you really enforce manners with your kids? Do you think the whole "sir"/"mam" thing is stupid like my other brother in law? Is this sort of thing only done in the south, because I sure dont hear it anywhere else. What about other manners such as "please" "thank you" "may I", etc. Am I just way old school for wanting my kids to respect their elders and themselves by having such strict manners?

[Yukon Cornelius]

wai till youre kids are 5... they will forget there manners and get them back at about 8 or 9

[Beaumont]

Yes, we raise our son the same ...

 

Of course they are all products of the South ...

Edited July 7, 2006 by Beaumont

[skylive5]

My kids were raised the same. Good manners are not something that is hard to learn. And showing proper respect to ones elders isn't either.

 

My grandkids... they wouldn't recognize a please or a may I if it trampled them. Not that they aren't good kids.. they are. They just have no understanding of good manners.

 

Different times... different rearing of children.

Edited July 7, 2006 by skylive5

[spain]

wai till youre kids are 5... they will forget there manners

 

Well, you see, its my job as parent to make sure they dont forget their manners. And if they do slip their little minds from time to time, I will be there to throw a penalty on the play. Parents are too lazy or too busy or just dont care enough to enforce these sorts of things today I guess. Our kids will know manners and decorum or they will not like my response to their lack of it.

[keggerz]

will post a reply in about an hour or so...

[spain]

One other thing: my son is only 2 so his english isnt perfect like mine yet! Anyway he cant really say "please" or "thank you" phonetically correct yet, although he knows dang sure better try. It comes out as "peas" and "tank uu"!

Edited July 7, 2006 by spain

[Otis]

Thanks for playing parent to the world -- we need more people like that.

[Vinatieri Is God]

Northerner here and I can say that you are 100% correct (did I really just say that?) Children's manners are directly related to the parents ability/desire to enforce them. Unfortunately, too many parents don't take the time or energy to do just that. People nowadays are lazy and typically choose the easiest way out. As long as the kid isn't killing someone, then they're OK. Obviously times have changed and there are certain things that have become antiquated in their effectiveness, however, there is always room for courtesy and politeness. My daughter never misses a please or thank you, asks to be excused from the dinner table, and calls any adult Mr or Mrs. At 35 yrs old, my friends tell my daughter to call them by their first name to which I have to then explain to her and them that is unacceptable. The question is, then, if everyone's kids call adults by their first name, are we wrong by requiring Mr & Mrs? I'd like to think not. I still call my parents friends Mr & Mrs.

[TimC]

My kids were raised the same. Good manners are not something that is hard to learn. And showing proper respect to ones elders isn't either.

 

My grandkids... they would recognize a please or a may I if it trampled them. Not that they aren't good kids.. they are. They just have no understanding of good manners.

 

Different times... different rearing of children.

 

 

Yep, the children are the same as ever....but the parents are now different. And not for the better.

[Egret]

I teach manners as part of my social skills curriculum to my 5/6th grade students. Once they see the reaction from adults, they do a better job at using them in life. It's not perfect, but it does make a difference.

 

My own son is only 18 months, so talking is still pretty hard... unless you know his language. He's just now starting to learn thank you.

[Big F'n Dave]

I go through the same thing when we visit my sister's family in Ohio. Her kids answer "yeah" and "no" to her. My kids are strictly "ma'am" and "sir," "please" and "thank you" kind of kids. Drives me crazy to see kids who are ill-mannered.

[Brewer]

My kids say please and thank you. If they don't, they don't get what they are asking for. They call adults mr. or mrs. More important then the formality of words though, is teaching them to respect others, which will in itself lead to good manners and appropriate behavior.

[Vinatieri Is God]

More important then the formality of words though, is teaching them to respect others, which will in itself lead to good manners and appropriate behavior.

 

 

Good info here.

[Perchoutofwater]

My children are 5 and 8 and both have exceptional manners. Like Spain, I will sir and mam anyone that is older than me, or that I am working with. My parents taught me to respect my elders and I'm teaching my children the same. My children don't get anything unless they ask for it correctly, and say thank you. My oldest daughter went through a phase a year ago where she would roll her eyes if she disagreed with us. That phase lasted about a week. We just demand respect from our children. At the same time though, when we ask our children to do something for us we say please and thank you to them as well. When ever they address one of their relatives it is uncle so and so or aunt so and so, we don't allow them to just call them by name.

 

Now one thing we do allow that I believe is a product of the South is for them to call our friends by their first names, however there had better be a Mr. or a Miss in front of it. I know I called my best friend's mother Miss Karen from the time I was 3 years old. My kids call my best friend Mr. Russel.

 

Spain, while I agree with you that those that don't have children don't know what they are missing, parenting requires active participation, so maybe it is best that not everyone become one.

[AtomicCEO]

My 6.5 month old never says please or thank you. He just says "gaaaaa" and "ppppttthhththh", and smashes his rattle on his high chair. I'm pretty sure it's his mother's fault.

[i_am_the_swammi]

My kids say please and thank you. If they don't, they don't get what they are asking for. They call adults mr. or mrs. More important then the formality of words though, is teaching them to respect others, which will in itself lead to good manners and appropriate behavior.

 

 

 

+1

[Perchoutofwater]

My kids say please and thank you. If they don't, they don't get what they are asking for. They call adults mr. or mrs. More important then the formality of words though, is teaching them to respect others, which will in itself lead to good manners and appropriate behavior.

 

 

I agree, but I believe this starts in the home. And by that I mean, young children spend 99% of their time at home so this is where it first has to be taught, and teaching the "pleasantries" is just the first step in the process.

[Scoops5150]

You have the convenience of wife that helps you in enforce it. My 7 year old daughter says "sir" to me and "ma'am" to my wife only when I'm in the room. If I am not in the room and I hear her answer "no or yea" she hears me say "no what?" and she adds the ma'am. Not a bad kid mind you, but she knows that mommy doesn't make her say it. I like it when I say ma'am to a older lady and they respond "Son, you don't have to call ma'am". I always tell them "I call everybody ma'am, including my daughter" always gets a smile and a "thank you".

[Perchoutofwater]

You have the convenience of wife that helps you in enforce it. My 7 year old daughter says "sir" to me and "ma'am" to my wife only when I'm in the room. If I am not in the room and I hear her answer "no or yea" she hears me say "no what?" and she adds the ma'am. Not a bad kid mind you, but she knows that mommy doesn't make her say it. I like it when I say ma'am to a older lady and they respond "Son, you don't have to call ma'am". I always tell them "I call everybody ma'am, including my daughter" always gets a smile and a "thank you".

 

 

 

That is true, I hadn't thought about it, but I do call my daughters ma'am.

 

PS. Love your Avy. I can still hear him "Elizabeth, it's the big one, I'm coming."

[Savage Beatings]

My 6.5 month old never says please or thank you. He just says "gaaaaa" and "ppppttthhththh", and smashes his rattle on his high chair. I'm pretty sure it's his mother's fault.

 

 

 

Take away her boobies from him as punishment. That'll learn that punk some manners!

[DKF]

Why is it that I could not ever, ever get the kids to understand that when you call someone, you announce who you are before you ask for a person.

 

It used to pissed them off royally when I would answer one of their calls and insist on knowing who is calling.

 

If they were not home, I would intentionally not ask who is calling. If anyone said 'did anyone call for me?', I would say yes. When they asked: who? I would say 'I would not know, they did not have enough manners to state who they were'.

[Fatman]

My children are 5 and 8 and both have exceptional manners. Like Spain, I will sir and mam anyone that is older than me, or that I am working with. My parents taught me to respect my elders and I'm teaching my children the same. My children don't get anything unless they ask for it correctly, and say thank you. My oldest daughter went through a phase a year ago where she would roll her eyes if she disagreed with us. That phase lasted about a week. We just demand respect from our children. At the same time though, when we ask our children to do something for us we say please and thank you to them as well. When ever they address one of their relatives it is uncle so and so or aunt so and so, we don't allow them to just call them by name.

 

Now one thing we do allow that I believe is a product of the South is for them to call our friends by their first names, however there had better be a Mr. or a Miss in front of it. I know I called my best friend's mother Miss Karen from the time I was 3 years old. My kids call my best friend Mr. Russel.

 

Spain, while I agree with you that those that don't have children don't know what they are missing, parenting requires active participation, so maybe it is best that not everyone become one.

 

 

The ma'am/sir/Mr./Miss things seems regional (is TX its own region?). My family was raised the same way, however - please, thank you or your won't be getting anything.

[Ursa Majoris]

We didn't specifically do the sir or ma'am thing but we insisted on excuse me, please, thank you and may I? We also insisted on basics like not interrupting when others are talking, proper behavior in public, holding doors open for elders and respectful considerate behavior to others.

 

It has worked very well - both our kids are now well adjusted polite adults.

[Easy n Dirty]

I teach them "please" and "thank you", but I'm not hung up on "sir/ma'am" at all - personally I'd rather be called "Daddy" than "sir", and I certainly never called my father "sir". They know to call their elders "Mr./Mrs.", but if the adult says to call them by their first name, I'm OK with that too. But then again, I'm a Yankee and, as Spain is always quick to remind me, a Jets' fan to boot.

 

One think my kids' school does - starting at around age 4 or 5, the kids each morning have to say hello to the teacher as they walk into the classroom, and they are forced to shake the teacher's hand and look the teacher in the eye as they say it. Same thing when they leave in the afternoon. Seems simple, but there are countless kids out there who have trouble looking an adult in the eye when they speak to them.

 

My boys know to hold the door for their mother, including the car door, and they all know to ask around the table before taking the last hot dog, etc. Plenty of other stuff too.

 

I always remember as a kid that my Dad made me open and hold the car door for my mother when we went to church on Sundays, or any other time we were all climbing into the car. I've held onto that one through the years, and I can remember back in my dating days that the ladies were always impressed when you held the car door open for them. I couldn't imagine going on a date and not holding the car door for the girl, that's not only rude, it's flat out stupid, but it seems that enough guys haven't picked up on that one.

Edited July 7, 2006 by Easy n Dirty