keggerz Posted July 13, 2006 Author Share Posted July 13, 2006 is he in school still????? Senior this yr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChuckB Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Keggers, good luck with this tough situation, and it speaks volumes towards your character that you are willing to go to the lengths of letting him stay in your home for an extended period of time to help him out Best wishes to you and your family and I hope it works itself out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 recipe for disaster, IMO. and your advice is to "kick his ass out on the streets"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keggerz Posted July 13, 2006 Author Share Posted July 13, 2006 Perhaps family counseling would be a good place to start. he will not go and from what my sister was told he cant be made to go since he is over 15 yo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 get the school in involved asap....... they should be able to help with a counsler/ family stuff ... if nto there ins( if they have some) will be able to set some stuff up also... the opiates are a bad sign... that one needs to be jumped on.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down Goes Frazia Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 and your advice is to "kick his ass out on the streets"? my advice is tough love. do you think for one minute that if he moves in with Keg.... he'll join the youth group @ church & start attending services on sundays ? he needs to hit rock bottom & WANT help before he'll get any better. Besides....... unless he has some "connections" in Williamsburg...... he probably won't want to leave his hood anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 my advice is tough love. do you think for one minute that if he moves in with Keg.... he'll join the youth group @ church & start attending services on sundays ? he needs to hit rock bottom & WANT help before he'll get any better. Besides....... unless he has some "connections" in Williamsburg...... he probably won't want to leave his hood anyway. change of scenery and involvement with different activities could have a great impact on him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChuckB Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 my advice is tough love. do you think for one minute that if he moves in with Keg.... he'll join the youth group @ church & start attending services on sundays ? he needs to hit rock bottom & WANT help before he'll get any better. Besides....... unless he has some "connections" in Williamsburg...... he probably won't want to leave his hood anyway. I hear this all the time "they need to hit rock bottom first", we're dealing with a juvenile here. Not trying to be a dick to you DGF but what are they suppsoed to do, say or do nothing and let him continue on his destructive path until he hits "rock bottom" or worse ends up in pound you in the ass prison or dead. Doing nothing and letting him hit rock bottom is the worst thing they could do IMO. Just my Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I hear this all the time "they need to hit rock bottom first", we're dealing with a juvenile here. Not trying to be a dick to you DGF but what are they suppsoed to do, say or do nothing and let him continue on his destructive path until he hits "rock bottom" or worse ends up in pound you in the ass prison or dead. Doing nothing and letting him hit rock bottom is the worst thing they could do IMO. Just my I don't think that is what he is saying..... The kid needs to see..... And if he has no consequences... he wont Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down Goes Frazia Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I don't think that is what he is saying..... The kid needs to see..... And if he has no consequences... he wont exactly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChuckB Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I don't think that is what he is saying..... The kid needs to see..... And if he has no consequences... he wont So what then? How do you not push too hard but stay involved enough that he won't go too far? I know that's the million dollar question but I think I would rather be too involved than not involved enough. It's just a tough situation and I have limited to no experience with this, I hope it works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Down Goes Frazia Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Doing nothing and letting him hit rock bottom is the worst thing they could do IMO. the threat of booting his ass out is NOT doing nothing. It's sending a message that we will NOT allow this behavior in our household. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 my advice is tough love. do you think for one minute that if he moves in with Keg.... he'll join the youth group @ church & start attending services on sundays ? he needs to hit rock bottom & WANT help before he'll get any better. Besides....... unless he has some "connections" in Williamsburg...... he probably won't want to leave his hood anyway. yeah, got it, you think he "needs to hit rock bottom". by going to jail, as you stated previously. of course, going to jail also requires doing something to get there. so would you recommend something that only lands him there for a few days, like dealing small amounts of dope, or does the situation call for a longer haul and a more serious crime for this youngster to be involved in? see, some people here are still hoping that scenario doesn't have to take place. hoping that his parents don't HAVE to disown him and kick him out on the streets, that he doesn't HAVE to commit a major crime and do time. i know YOU think anything less than that is "wishful thinking" and a "recipe for disaster", but frankly i don't see that your advocated course of abandoning all hope is the greatest constructive advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 (edited) Did not realize we had the in-abler crowd so riled up Edited July 13, 2006 by Yukon Cornelius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 the threat of booting his ass out is NOT doing nothing. It's sending a message that we will NOT allow this behavior in our household. yeah but you didn't say they should threaten to kick him out. you said they SHOULD kick him out. because hitting the streets and ending up in jail is the only way to snap him out of it. that's what you said, and that's what myself and others were saying is a crock of chit. now...should he be made to realize that, if he continues down a certain path, he WILL end up without his parents' roof over his head? absolutely, and it sounds like that's what you're saying now. that fact needs to be made crystal clear to him, to make up for what sounds like possibly some lax parenting in the past. but i am of the opinion that first you give him some opportunities to change his behavior before it gets to that point. staying with keg for a while might do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Did no realize we had the in-abler crowd so riled up i am very supportive of instilling a sense of responsibility/accountability through consequences. just think the "write em off in the name of tough love" is more of a last resort. think we need to take some responsibility as being a parent to try to help (them) correct the coarse before they bottom out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 i am very supportive of instilling a sense of responsibility/accountability through consequences. just think the "write em off in the name of tough love" is more of a last resort. think we need to take some responsibility as being a parent to try to help (them) correct the coarse before they bottom out. :whomper's+1thing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 (edited) i am very supportive of instilling a sense of responsibility/accountability through consequences. just think the "write em off in the name of tough love" is more of a last resort. think we need to take some responsibility as being a parent to try to help (them) correct the coarse before they bottom out. oh i agree.... completely.... but were hes at... its a thin line... a very thin line im( and DGF i think) not saying do kick him out first... but saying he needs to see were he is going and how he got there.... and the rules need to be laid out now ( if not to late) and held to a T..... Edited July 13, 2006 by Yukon Cornelius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clubfoothead Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Send him down to big D for the rest of the summer. He'll still test positive for Josh Gordon, but the opiates and coke will be out of his system and his taste in music will probably improve. You know how to reach me if you ever need to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 oh i agree.... completely.... but were hes at... its a thin line... a very thin line im( and DGF i think) not saying do kick him out first... but saying he needs to see were he is going and how he got there.... and the rules need to be laid out now ( if not to late) and held to a T..... i guess i saw a lot of teens that were doing things way beyond what keg's nephew is doing. i don't see his actions as being "last straw" material yet. still a lot of other things might work first.... i don't think he is a lost cause yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Unless he want to stop using the drugs, he isn't going to. There really isn't much that can be done, until he wants to change his behaviors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yukon Cornelius Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 (edited) i guess i saw a lot of teens that were doing things way beyond what keg's nephew is doing. i don't see his actions as being "last straw" material yet. still a lot of other things might work first.... i don't think he is a lost cause yet. i agree and have seen many myself.... and not nowing the situation i would say hes not at the last straw either... but opium is a no no, meth even worse there can be a very quick end with both of these.... i see these kids every day... the white kids tend to be the worst, i dont know why??... they need to see how there actions will effect them and others and that is the hardest thing to get threw to them... im in the long line school of thought.... give them a long rope but if they need it pull them back in.... Edited July 13, 2006 by Yukon Cornelius Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marauders11 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I think taking him down to live with you for a while could be a very good thing- a lot of times teens are having issues with their parents in one way or another and that leads them to rebel and act like a-holes. Maybe it's something as simple as the parents working all the time and the kid having too much free time- or the parents not listening or "understanding" or disapproving of his friends, his music, his clothes whatever- right or wrong if that's the way the kid perceives it, then that's the reality of it as it pertains to him- as for the drug angle it's not all that uncommon for a kid that age to experiment, I'd bet that most of us did to some degree between the ages of 17-21. Now I would be concerned about the "hard" drugs and maybe if he can chill out away from the fire for a few weeks, and once the initial resentment of being there in the first place wears off you can get that across to him better than his parents can- I think it's a lot easier for someone who is still family, but is a bit disconnected from the situation, to communicate because the kid probably will be a bit more willing to listen to you since you wouldn't be lecturing or punishing you follow? you are only telling him things because you've maybe been there yourself and you care about how he turns out- while in his mind Mom & Dad are just busting his stones and dragging him to drug tests, etc. I think it'd be important to get him to tell you what's up and why he's doing the things he's done and there's very little chance of him opening up like that to Mom & Dad because at home he's just causing trouble for everyone. Bottom line is the kid's family he and your sis both need help and why shouldn't you give it a try? What's he going to do sneak out of your house go find drugs someplace and come back and beat you and your wife up? It doesn't sound from what you've told me that the kid is an addict or a hard core criminal, just a 17 year old trying to find his way, some time away from his temptations and influences can only help IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vinatieri Is God Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 The state and local authorities must have names of kids/adults that have been down the same path and since cleaned up their act. Maybe you can get one of them to sit down with him and give him some perspective. Maybe if he sees what can "really" happen rather than just his parents telling him what will happen, he'll turn it around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nogohawk Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 If they have health insurance, sometimes rehab or treatment facilities are covered. There is an excellent one here in the Reading, PA area (not far from NJ) called the Caron Foundation and they do have an adolescent program. Supposedly one of the best in the US. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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