Another Nephew With Drug Problems

[Easy n Dirty]

Just got back from a family vacation in the Hamptons - it was a good time, but I learned about some drug problems my nephew has been having which are pretty serious, and which my sister has been keeping from us until now. Seems like my nephew, who is 17, has gotten hooked on some drugs - seems like the real problem is oxycontin (sp?), although he also smokes some dope and takes some other prescription painkillers as well. He came to my sister (his mother) a couple weeks ago saying he had some problems and wanted some help - they got him hooked up with a doctor as well as a local drug rehab group. The doctor prescribed him some drug that he takes every morning which supposedly eases some of the withdrawal pain and also negates the buzz he would otherwise feel from some of these prescription painkillers, I forget the name of the drug. He's been on that for about three weeks now, and also attending meetings at the drug rehab center maybe two or three times a week.

 

For a variety of reasons, my sister suspected he was still using even though his urine tests were coming up clean - she shared her fears with the doctor, who sprung a surprise blood test on him. While we on vacation, the doctor called with the results, and sure enough he tested positive for oxy-c as well as codeine. The doc said he couldn't be getting a high given that he's on the other drug, but he still feels some sort of psychological dependence. The doctor is saying the next step would typically be a 4-week stay at a rehab center, but that in my nephew's case, he's recommending a much more drastic regimen - he says my nephew should be sent to a boot camp type center for several months, he recommended two such facilities, one in Utah and one in vermont (we are on Long Island).

 

From talking to my sister and my folks, things have been pretty bad - my nephew has apparently stolen from his brother and his parents on a couple of occasions, and was also recently fired from his job, although we're not sure exactly why. He seems to have abandoned some of the buddies he hung out with for years and is running now with a bad crowd. He's a junior in high school and a very bright kid, but he shows no interest at all in going to college - which is the least of his problems right now anyway.

 

Unlike Keg' situation, I'm not especially close to this nephew - he's kind of a tough kid to grow a fondness for. I am very fond of my sister though - she's really a great person, but she's not the strongest person in the world. She's especially fragile right now, kind of prone to depression (it runs in the family, I've been lucky to be spared so far), and she's an absolute mess right now. Her husband is a jackass who's really not very helpful, he doesn't even wanna' recognize the gravity of what they're dealing with here, so I think my sister feels kind of alone right now in trying to deal with this.

 

I guess I'm just sort of getting this off my chest by posting it here - I've never really been one to post personal stuff here, but I just feel so Oprahkin' helpless right now - I really don't know what I can do to help this kid or, more importantly to me, help my sister. She doesn't have much money, and I would gladly help out on that end 'cause I gotta' believe the Utah/Vermont solution is gonna' cost an arm and a leg, but last I heard her husband was taking the stance of "noone's taking my son away from me", and I cannot imagine my nephew is gonna' go willingly even if his parents come to agreement on that option. Anyway, my sister has always been stubbornly proud about taking financial assistance from my parents or I, so I don't know how that's gonna' play out.

 

Anyone know anything about oxy-c? That stuff was never around when I went through my drug phase - I'll research it a little on the web, but I'd be curious if anyone here knew about it and was comfortable talking about it. One thing I'm curious about - how expensive is it? How much would it cost to get enough to get a buzz, and then how long would the buzz last?

 

This whole thing sucks, and I realy feel for my sister right now - as helpless as I might feel now, I know she feels ten times that. Part of me just wants to go out there and beat some sense into this kid and his father, but that's probably not gonna' help. And given what I know about this situation, I really feel like this is gonna' end badly, with this kid in prison or worse. I hate saying that, but it's real hard to be optimistic right now.

 

It just sucks - thanks for listening.

[AtomicCEO]

Oxycodone is an opiate (like heroin, morphine, and the most addictive drugs on earth). It's medical, but the time-release functionality of it can be easily thwarted to get people high.

 

It can be quite a serious addiction. Apparently, more and more kids are getting into the pills in the medicine cabinet. It's dangerous... but when I think about it, I probably have some, as well as some muscle relaxers and who knows what in the cabinet. Everyone probably does.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxycodone

 

I wish the best to your family.

Edited July 22, 2006 by AtomicCEO

[wiegie]

If there is anything encouraging here it is at least that your nephew tried to get some help. I have no advice to give, but it seems there might be some hope here. I hope.

[Chavez]

First off, I been drinkin'; secondly, I don't think that has much to do with truth.

 

 

But since ya asked, I'm giving advice, and it's probably gonna be harsh:

 

He's a junior in high school and a very bright kid, but he shows no interest at all in going to college - which is the least of his problems right now anyway.

 

Unlike Keg' situation, I'm not especially close to this nephew - he's kind of a tough kid to grow a fondness for. I am very fond of my sister though - she's really a great person, but she's not the strongest person in the world. She's especially fragile right now, kind of prone to depression (it runs in the family, I've been lucky to be spared so far), and she's an absolute mess right now. Her husband is a jackass who's really not very helpful, he doesn't even wanna' recognize the gravity of what they're dealing with here, so I think my sister feels kind of alone right now in trying to deal with this.

 

I guess I'm just sort of getting this off my chest by posting it here - I've never really been one to post personal stuff here, but I just feel so Oprahkin' helpless right now - I really don't know what I can do to help this kid or, more importantly to me, help my sister. She doesn't have much money, and I would gladly help out on that end 'cause I gotta' believe the Utah/Vermont solution is gonna' cost an arm and a leg, but last I heard her husband was taking the stance of "noone's taking my son away from me", and I cannot imagine my nephew is gonna' go willingly even if his parents come to agreement on that option. Anyway, my sister has always been stubbornly proud about taking financial assistance from my parents or I, so I don't know how that's gonna' play out.

 

Anyone know anything about oxy-c? That stuff was never around when I went through my drug phase - I'll research it a little on the web, but I'd be curious if anyone here knew about it and was comfortable talking about it. One thing I'm curious about - how expensive is it? How much would it cost to get enough to get a buzz, and then how long would the buzz last?

 

This whole thing sucks, and I realy feel for my sister right now - as helpless as I might feel now, I know she feels ten times that. Part of me just wants to go out there and beat some sense into this kid and his father, but that's probably not gonna' help. And given what I know about this situation, I really feel like this is gonna' end badly, with this kid in prison or worse. I hate saying that, but it's real hard to be optimistic right now.

 

First-

 

- the kid needs help; you CAN help (at this point) and are willing to do so. IMO best to let his mom, him, and piece of junk dad know this

 

- dad needs to get his head out of his ass - no father likes to hear anything resembling he's "failed" his kid - and I'm not saying bro-in-law has; just what he appears ready/willing to offer isn't what Jr needs at this point. Nothing implying failure is going on here. But Oxy boy needs to get the f off the pills, and dad isn't equipped to help him do so

 

- by the same token, sis needs to realize that a parent's kid(s) going off the track isn't any sort of direct reflection of a bad/good parent; the best-raised kids can go off track, and the worst-raised kids can be doctors. Not that it's something she's worried about, but it doesn't hurt to hear this.

 

- Um, that's enough advice for tonight on subjects I don't know junk about. However it ends up, best of luck - sounds like the kid knows he need help, which is 75% of the battle.

[Hugh B Tool]

My daughter is 18 and just graduated. She says "pharming" is a very popular for teenagers to get high nowadays. Claims the more affluent the school/vicinity the more kids "pharm" becuase of the cost etc. I guess. She also says kids that are pharmers are usually in the upper half on the on the grade scale and slip very fast once hooked. Went on to say it's tragic and cited a couple of athletes that I used to coach that dropped out of sports, school everything for the pharms they need in the second half of their senior years!. Not unlike most any drugs I guess, but the hook is as bad as crack or meth from what I'm being told. Good luck and stay on top of it, tough love is good love more often than not.

Edited July 22, 2006 by Hugh B Tool

[keggerz]

first and foremost GOOD LUCK....

 

2nd there was just an article in the local paper here about 2 kids they found dead in a hotel room and Oxy C was the culprit...of course family is quoted as saying they were good kids etc...evidently this drug(and many others know no boundries)...

 

my nephew just got here today and i have yet to talk to him about his failed drug test but I will...EnD if you need anything just ask(not sure what I could do but let me know anyway)....hey maybe we can have the 2 17 yr olds talk via a conf call or something like that....maybe their underlying issues are the same thing....if i find out what the issue is on this end i will let you know(maybe it will help)

 

also my sister is starting counselling next week...if she finds out something pertinent I will let you know

 

again GOOD LUCK

[whomper]

If there is anything encouraging here it is at least that your nephew tried to get some help. I have no advice to give, but it seems there might be some hope here. I hope.

 

 

That was my exact thought too..He sought help. Thats a good sign..Best wishes to him

[keggerz]

http://www.vagazette.com/search/dispatcher...&target=article

 

link to the 2 articles on the 2 that died here in williamsburg

 

Police identify bodies found in local motel

 

By Amanda Kerr

The Virginia Gazette

 

Published July 19, 2006

 

WILLIAMSBURG — Angela Bouchard hardly fit the stereotype of a drug user. The 19-year-old Danvers, Mass., native was an honor roll student at a private Catholic high school in 2004, and made the dean's list this spring at North Shore Community College.

 

Bouchard and 20-year-old Benjamin Bishop of neighboring Peabody were found dead in the Bassett Motel on York Street last Friday, apparently from a drug overdose.

While police are still waiting on autopsy results to confirm the cause of death, an OxyContin pill was found in the room.

 

The medication is typically prescribed for patients with chronic pain. Its time-release formula allows the drug to be taken safely, but recreational abusers swallow it whole, dissolve it in water, or grind it and snort the powder to achieve a heroin-like high.

 

“It's certainly addictive,” noted Sandy my sweetan, director of Bacon Street, a treatment center for adolescents. “It's here. Not a lot of it, but it's here.”

 

my sweetan said local recreational use of OxyContin is relatively new. He estimated that 10% or less of Bacon Street's patients list OxyContin among the drugs they've used, but one 16-year-old treated there in the last year said it was his primary drug.

 

“Like an opiate, it feels really good,” my sweetan said. “But it's a central nervous system depressant. You never know how the body will react to it.”

 

An editor at the Danvers Herald said Bouchard's mother declined to discuss her daughter's death. The nearby Salem News had only academic information about Bouchard, and nothing on Bishop. An editor there said if the two had had any brushes with the law, it would have surfaced in an archive search of the paper's police reports.

 

The Salem News listed Bouchard as an honor roll student at St. Mary's High School in Lynn, Mass.

 

 

2 found dead at motel

 

By Amanda Kerr

The Virginia Gazette

 

Published July 15, 2006

 

WILLIAMSBURG — The bodies of a 20-year-old man and a 19-year-old woman were discovered Friday afternoon at the Bassett Motel on York Street. A drug overdose is suspected.

 

The pair had been staying at the motel for a couple of days, said the motel owner, who declined to be named. They were scheduled to check out on Friday.

Workers at the motel became concerned when the couple didn't check out at their scheduled time. Someone called the police, who found the bodies in Room 21 at around 11:30 a.m.

 

The state of the bodies and some suspicious substances led police to call in a Virginia State Hazardous Materials officer to make sure there were no dangerous chemicals in the room, said deputy police chief Dave Sloggie.

 

HazMat officer Raymond E. Haring tested the air in the room and cleared it of any noxious gases. He also tested a liquid found in a bucket that was next to the man's body on the bed.

 

Sloggie said police wanted to test the liquid because of its bizarre placement next to the man's body.

 

Preliminary testing showed the liquid to be water. Additional tests will be done in a state lab to confirm that.

 

A search of the room turned up little. Sloggie said no weapons were found and there was no sign of a struggle.

 

Police did find a bottle of OxyContin with only one tablet left. No other drug paraphernalia was found.

 

OxyContin is a prescription narcotic pain reliever that is long acting and highly addictive.

 

In 2004, according to the Office of National Drug Control Policy, 2.5% of college students and 3.1% of young adults ages 19-28 reported using OxyContin at least once during the past year.

 

As of November 2001, medical examiner offices in 31 states reported 1,096 overdose deaths involving oxycodone, 117 of which were related to OxyContin.

 

A preliminary examination of the bodies by a medical examiner revealed the pair had been dead around 30 hours, Sloggie said.

 

“It appears they suffered from some kind of asphyxia,” he said. “There is no evidence of foul play, but we will not completely rule it out until we have completed the investigation.

 

The woman's black Jeep Grand Cherokee with a Massachusetts license plate was parked outside the room.

 

Sloggie said investigators have not yet determined whether the pair were romantically involved. Autopsies will be performed in Richmond on Saturday.

Edited July 22, 2006 by keggerz

[SteelBunz]

Sorry to hear all this EnD. I have one question....was your nephew prescribed pain killers at one time for an accident or ailment? If not....it seems to me this is not a 'normal' road to addiction and he got a lot of this info from the kids he's hanging out with.

 

Since you aren't very close to the nephew....my one piece of advice is to support and help your sister out directly....not offering anything like taking the nephew in for a few weeks, etc. Sounds like SHE needs your support to be able to make the hard decisions coming up.

 

Personally....I think the boot camp idea is a bit extreme...at least until they've gone the livein rehab route. The stealing sounds like something stemming directly from his need to acquire cash for the drugs....clear up the initial addiction first and see if some of the behaviors change. The rehab will get him the counseling he needs, detox his body and get him away from those friends for a while......then go from there and build on recovery. And I'd make it known to him that reverting to this behavior after rehab will get him an instant trip to boot camp.

[Chavez]

...again conscious of the fact his may sound twattish:

 

My daughter is 18 and just graduated. She says "pharming" is a very popular for teenagers to get high nowadays. Claims the more affluent the school/vicinity the more kids "pharm" becuase of the cost etc.

 

...more affluent kids "pharm" most likely because kids' parents and friend's parents are rollin' on prescription drugs - i.e. easier and less risk to scam them than buying illegal drugs on the street.

 

Seems pretty obvious to me - and when a parent is hooked on whatever is the hep choice these days, it's MUCH harder to take any sort of moral high ground against a kid who uses.

[Hugh B Tool]

...again conscious of the fact his may sound twattish:

...more affluent kids "pharm" most likely because kids' parents and friend's parents are rollin' on prescription drugs - i.e. easier and less risk to scam them than buying illegal drugs on the street.

 

Seems pretty obvious to me - and when a parent is hooked on whatever is the hep choice these days, it's MUCH harder to take any sort of moral high ground against a kid who uses.

 

 

 

Correcto mundo, but as a parent you have to be honest yet somewhat of a hyporcrit if you "experimented" in your younger years. My daughter knows I tried just about everything, I told her so, She also knows the end consequences(at least so far). I tell her just cause I did it doesn't give her carte blanche to F around. Rather she should listen and learn and make decisions based on that. Then again I am brutally honest with her and her friends, always have been

[Chief Dick]

Can't really add anything else as far as advice goes, but just know my thoughts are with your family.

[Chavez]

Correcto mundo, but as a parent you have to be honest yet somewhat of a hyporcrit if you "experimented" in your younger years. My daughter knows I tried just about everything, I told her so, She also knows the end consequences(at least so far). I tell her just cause I did it doesn't give her carte blanche to F around. Rather she should listen and learn and make decisions based on that. Then again I am brutally honest with her and her friends, always have been

 

You sound like you might be dangerously close to being classified as a "good parent"

[SuperBalla]

I have Oxycotin in my desk...tough times I see for the kid. He needs some under "drug" wrestlsted stimulants. Take him to shoot skeet or anything outside his normal deal.m His reality is what hurts him.

Edited July 22, 2006 by SuperBalla

[Chief Dick]

Let me add: your nephew asking for help is a HUGE deal. And this means your family MUST do everything in their power to provide him that help. And if that means YOU come down hard on his family, you must do it. Because at the end of the day, the kid NEEDS help and has ASKED for it. And if his parents aren't going to do it properly, you (or someone else in the family) needs to step in. And if it comes down to money, who F'n cares about the money. Hell, I'll send $50 bucks to help the kid.

 

The bottom line is: Help your nephew. Nothing else matters. And if feelings get hurt, so be it. Your family will thank you later.

[Chavez]

Let me add: your nephew asking for help is a HUGE deal. And this means your family MUST do everything in their power to provide him that help. And if that means YOU come down hard on his family, you must do it. Because at the end of the day, the kid NEEDS help and has ASKED for it. And if his parents aren't going to do it properly, you (or someone else in the family) needs to step in. And if it comes down to money, who F'n cares about the money. Hell, I'll send $50 bucks to help the kid.

 

Good stuff here.

The bottom line is: Help your nephew. Nothing else matters. And if feelings get hurt, so be it. Your family will thank you later.

 

...and the line below the bottom line is "if you do all you can for the kid and they don't, f em"

[SteelBunz]

I hear ya Chavez....agreed. Probably not the case here.......but I can see this in general.

 

It's a good thing I don't have kids....as good a mom as I'd be....the first time I ever caught my kid with a drug or caught them stealing would be the time their room would get stripped and cleared out of everything but a bed and dresser. No computer....no TV...no stereo...homework at the kitchen table while I'm watching.....and clever security camera all over the house taping their every move 24/7. No after school activities...no going out with friends....nothing......LOL. Grades slip and it's not for a lack of trying? Pack them off to a military school.....LOL.

 

Truly....I believe in very few rules for kids growing up (some of the usual ones....lol), but if you disrespect the authority and abuse the freedoms you've been given......you're toast.

 

Kids need to be able to make some mistakes and learn from them.....but there are SOME things you never have to actually DO to understand they are GOING to be BIG mistakes. The typical teenage responses such as "I'm invincible" or "It won't happen to me" or "I can handle it" just don't wash with me.

 

Yeah.....it's probably a good thing I wasn't a parent.

[SteelBunz]

Let me add: your nephew asking for help is a HUGE deal. And this means your family MUST do everything in their power to provide him that help. And if that means YOU come down hard on his family, you must do it. Because at the end of the day, the kid NEEDS help and has ASKED for it. And if his parents aren't going to do it properly, you (or someone else in the family) needs to step in. And if it comes down to money, who F'n cares about the money. Hell, I'll send $50 bucks to help the kid.

 

The bottom line is: Help your nephew. Nothing else matters. And if feelings get hurt, so be it. Your family will thank you later.

 

Agreed......if he asked for help......that's half the battle right there. Get it for him!

[Chavez]

I hear ya Chavez....agreed. Probably not the case here.......but I can see this in general.

 

It's a good thing I don't have kids....as good a mom as I'd be....the first time I ever caught my kid with a drug or caught them stealing would be the time their room would get stripped and cleared out of everything but a bed and dresser. No computer....no TV...no stereo...homework at the kitchen table while I'm watching.....and clever security camera all over the house taping their every move 24/7. No after school activities...no going out with friends....nothing......LOL. Grades slip and it's not for a lack of trying? Pack them off to a military school.....LOL.

 

Truly....I believe in very few rules for kids growing up (some of the usual ones....lol), but if you disrespect the authority and abuse the freedoms you've been given......you're toast.

 

Kids need to be able to make some mistakes and learn from them.....but there are SOME things you never have to actually DO to understand they are GOING to be BIG mistakes. The typical teenage responses such as "I'm invincible" or "It won't happen to me" or "I can handle it" just don't wash with me.

 

Yeah.....it's probably a good thing I wasn't a parent.

 

I'd disagree...to the last sentence, that is.

[SteelBunz]

I'd disagree...to the last sentence, that is.

 

[Easy n Dirty]

Thanks to all for the kind thoughts.

 

I hear what everyone says about the hopefulness of him taking the first step - but this kid is and always has been very manipulative, and his actions since that day seem to bely his initial initiative to seek help (i.e., the stealing, and some other things, as well as continuing to use but doing it in such a way as to beat the urine tests). The thing that scares me alot is that he continues to use despite the fact that he's taking this other drug which supposedly negates any high he would otherwise experience - so why use? I don't know, too much stuff here that I don't understand yet. The other thing is that my sister knows from checking his cellphone that he is in constant contact with this bad apple from their town who is a 22-year old dealer. This and other events makes her suspect that he may be seeling as well as using.

 

The father is a heavy drinker, most likely an alcoholic, and he's been minimizing everything that's happened so far - which in turn has led my sister to start questioning her own judgment, when in fact her judgment has been spot on as near as I can tell so far. Their's is a pretty lousy marriage, but my sister cannot bring herself to get away from it, at least so far, and certainly not at a time like this. My sis has been a good Mom in terms of unconditional love and making tremendous sacrifices for her kids, but she was never good at setting limits for the kids, and I think that's coming back to bite her now. She's kinda' hard to talk to right now because she's very weepy, pretty much collapses into tears whenever we try to talk about this situation. A whole bunch of sh*t is just weighing on her real heavy right now, and she doesn't see a way out, she's in a tough spot.

 

Thanks again for the good wishes, and Keg I'd definitely be interested in anything you pick up as you go through this.

[keggerz]

Thanks again for the good wishes, and Keg I'd definitely be interested in anything you pick up as you go through this.

 

you got it

[Chavez]

Okay, again with the caveat I have NO experience raising kids:

 

- your sister seems to have the correct instincts and should tell drinky-boy hubbie to f-off; one substance abuser enabling another is NOT a good situation to be in

 

- drinky-boy hubbie needs to realize that whether or not he wants to admit to HIS problem really has little-to-no-effect on his kid's problem (well, it does, but that's not an argument that necessarily needs to be made at this point); this ain't a referendum on him, it's about his F*CKING SON

 

- the physical side of addiction may actually be less of an issue than the mental side

[SteelBunz]

Oh yeah.....the cellphone goes too.

 

Hang in there EnD.....get your sis some help too. Sounds like she needs an impartial party (counselor) to help her see she has the right idea. She's hitting bottom too, it sounds like. She needs a good dose of anger...anger about letting others influence her to doubt herself. Anger can be a good thing.....especially in her case. Not that irrational, fly off the handle kind of anger.....the good kind that gives you resolve and backbone and helps you attack the problems head on.

 

She should have gotten mad about her family dynamic years ago.....but she can NOT blame herself now for it. She just needs to go from here with a new energy and a new strategy......and for that.....she needs you.

[ChuckB]

I've read through this whole thread and as far as advice goes I have nothing more to add than has already been said, but I do want to say good luck with this situation EnD, I'm hoping for a very positive outcome.