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The All Growed Up Poll

The Man poll  

76 members have voted

  1. 1. At what age do most males become a "Grown Man"?

    • 16-18
      2
    • 19-21
      4
    • 22-25
      18
    • 26-30
      37
    • 31+
      15


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I have been experiencing all the turns and twists of my 14 year old son's life and I was wondering - when do you think most guys become "men" - NOT in the sexual sense. But intellectually, emotionally and physically when do most guys reach the point in their life where their values are settled, they can handle the responsibilities and obligations of their gender and situation and they are who they truly are going to be?

 

I am very sure it is not 14 despite my son's misguided insistence. We send people to war and allow them to vote when they are 18. We let them all legally drink when they are 21. But so far as being able to handle things like "a man", when should it be expected? Obviously some by situation are forced to grow up early and others never really do grow up, but most all of us eventually figure out and get with the program as it were.

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Definitely not 16-18. There is SO much personal growth that happens well after 18.

 

I'm sure some may say 19-21, as you're not only able to drive and vote, but purchase alcohol and other "adult" activities. But like I stated above, there's SO much more that happens well after these years that in my opinion, defines who a man is.

 

I thought about voting 22-25, but after looking back, I realize that when I was at that age, I was still pretty immature and learning about the world and myself.

 

I therefore voted for 26-30. You're well past your "college years" (and those years just after college where you're still pretty wild), and you're most likely thinking about marriage and kids. If you're not a "man" at this point, well then there's something wrong. :D

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I have been experiencing all the turns and twists of my 14 year old son's life and I was wondering - when do you think most guys become "men" - NOT in the sexual sense. But intellectually, emotionally and physically when do most guys reach the point in their life where their values are settled, they can handle the responsibilities and obligations of their gender and situation and they are who they truly are going to be?

 

I am very sure it is not 14 despite my son's misguided insistence. We send people to war and allow them to vote when they are 18. We let them all legally drink when they are 21. But so far as being able to handle things like "a man", when should it be expected? Obviously some by situation are forced to grow up early and others never really do grow up, but most all of us eventually figure out and get with the program as it were.

 

 

 

Didn't you know ALL 8th grade aged kids KNOW EVERYTHING? :D

 

Aside from the terrible 2's, 14 and 15 year olds are the single most aggravating humans for any parent or authority figure to handle or curb. Mine was pretty good though we had our times for sure. Now some of her friends of the same age that I coached found out the hard way whom the adult was as I reminded them constantly while they were running extra laps for being so cool and smart in their advanced age. Thing is those same kids thank me today for not putting up with their sheet.

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I therefore voted for 26-30. You're well past your "college years" (and those years just after college where you're still pretty wild), and you're most likely thinking about marriage and kids. If you're not a "man" at this point, well then there's something wrong. :D

 

+1

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Honestly, there isn't any true answer to this question as you can't put an exact number on it and I feel that, that's not just my opinion but fact.

 

Life's experiences create the individuals we all become. Since you are discussing boys becoming men let's deal with that... If a boy is pampered throughout his childhood, given everything, served everything on a golden platter, doesn't have to pursue, be determined, formulate a plan with goals to achieve because others around him do it all for him, then I would imagine the age at which this person would be all grown up would be severely delayed if they ever achieved it at all. Note: obviously there are exceptions to every rule.

 

Conversely, if a boy is born into a scenerio where he's being raised by a single parent that's just not ready to be a parent, or both parents have passed away, or they have both parents but they are wastes of life... then this individual may be forced out of their childhood stage early on because their survival demands that they support themselves. This individual may end up having to find work at an earlier age, however they can, be forced to juggle, school work, home life and a job. And something like that tends to build character, maturity, a strong will to survive and in general a grown man (mentally) well before normal progression might dictate.

 

So, as I stated before I honestly think it varies and that you absolutely cannot specify an exact age at which a boy becomes a man.

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The process starts at age 16... gets dramatically better at increments along the way... but hell knows I'm still learning. Learning how to be a boss... learning how to be a homeowner... learning how to be a father... By the time you have it figured out at age... oh... 80, your brain slows down and the wisdom no good to you anymore. "Perpetual Change" is more than just a great Yes song.

 

I'd say my most dramatic change happened when I was like 28 and I stopped getting wasted every night... realized that my job owed me nothing and I had to earn my money... and got engaged to my wife.

 

But, moving from high school to college taught me a lot about working hard and taking advantage of your opportunities.

 

Moving off-campus and paying for all my own food and rent taught me a lot about money.

 

Moving away across the country at 25 taught me a lot about who I was as a person.

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I've often said that young people generally don't get their heads out of their asses until around 25 (there are exceptions).

 

Head up ass = not a man.

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Vick became a man as soon as he stood up.

 

You can say that about Chuck Norris too. :D

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"Be a man." Now there is a saying.

 

Physically we are pretty much finished by 20-21. Then the only thing left is keeping the weight off...or on as the case may be. So "a boy in a man's body" seems to apply to most out there that are in their teens.

 

Intellectually and emotionally? My personal opinion is that it all depends on the environment one grows up in. If one grows up in a family that is close, has parents that place responsibility early, educate on life and what it has in store, and is talked to like an adult.... one "matures" earlier than one that has no responsibilities, is talked to like a child, or indifferently, and is unprepared for what life has to offer.

 

Some never attain "being a man". Some achieve it very early. Most, I would say, become almost a complete man in their mid twenties.... when they realize that all those lessons in responsibility are hitting home as they go out on their own, get a job, put the drugs away, take on a family of their own, and start planning for the future.

 

On the other hand.... being shot at can make a man of you real quick...as you instantly think about all the things you are never going to achieve or have.

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I think getting married and having a kid really kicks it off for most guys. You become a husband and father and suddenly realize that you have to get your act together because other people are depending on you. If you never marry or have kids, not sure what the impetus would be really.

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I think getting married and having a kid really kicks it off for most guys. You become a husband and father and suddenly realize that you have to get your act together because other people are depending on you. If you never marry or have kids, not sure what the impetus would be really.

 

 

 

Having kids and getting married doesn't make you a man. Becoming a husband and a father does.

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Post #5 in this thread says it best. No other explanation comes close. :D

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I think getting married and having a kid really kicks it off for most guys. You become a husband and father and suddenly realize that you have to get your act together because other people are depending on you. If you never marry or have kids, not sure what the impetus would be really.

 

:D

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Not a husband and not a father=Not a man. :D

 

 

I wasn't saying that. I was pointing out there was a difference between having a kid and being a father.

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After reading this I was flipping through an old issue of Esquire in the john and the bookmark was on an article somewhat related to this question. I haven't finished it yet (it's pretty long) but figured I'd post it in case you'd like to read it.

 

 

The Problem With Boys

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"Be a man." Now there is a saying.

 

Physically we are pretty much finished by 20-21. Then the only thing left is keeping the weight off...or on as the case may be. So "a boy in a man's body" seems to apply to most out there that are in their teens.

 

Intellectually and emotionally? My personal opinion is that it all depends on the environment one grows up in. If one grows up in a family that is close, has parents that place responsibility early, educate on life and what it has in store, and is talked to like an adult.... one "matures" earlier than one that has no responsibilities, is talked to like a child, or indifferently, and is unprepared for what life has to offer.

 

Some never attain "being a man". Some achieve it very early. Most, I would say, become almost a complete man in their mid twenties.... when they realize that all those lessons in responsibility are hitting home as they go out on their own, get a job, put the drugs away, take on a family of their own, and start planning for the future.

 

On the other hand.... being shot at can make a man of you real quick...as you instantly think about all the things you are never going to achieve or have.

 

 

Agree, but here was my case:

My father was very strict. Early curfews, no smoking (though he did), clothing restrictions, etc.. When I graduated HS, I was 2+months short of 18. I got a full-time job as an apprentice tool & die maker working with the Dept. of the Navy. Side bar.....my Dad gave me 3 options:

1) College (at the time he and I both knew that was laughable)

2) Apprenticeship....no not a job an Apprenticeship!!!

3) The military

He would never have let me "just have a job" and still live at home. That may seem cruel to some, all the choices involved learning and that was his point.

Anyway after working for a few months, the gates to 'heaven' opened. There was no curfew, he respected my opinion on adult matters, he really respected me and let me make my own decisions. If he felt I was not doing something right, he'd question me, but he allowed me to make the decision, as 2.5 years later I decided to quit my apprenticeship and go to college. We sat down, had a long talk and though he wanted me to finish my apprenticeship, he respected my decision to quit and go to college. Sad to say, he never saw me graduate. :D He was a great, intelligent, loving, but strict Dad that I still dream about 35 years later.

Bottom line:

Dad will tell when you reach manhood. No one else can! JMHO

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After reading this I was flipping through an old issue of Esquire in the john and the bookmark was on an article somewhat related to this question. I haven't finished it yet (it's pretty long) but figured I'd post it in case you'd like to read it.

The Problem With Boys

 

 

Interesting article and it talks about mentoring for one, but I wonder what the difference is now from ten or twenty years ago with fathers being involved in their sons lives. Seems to me that fathers are more involved than they were when I was a kid across the board though I could be an exception. In many cases, they are too involved in the sense that they are overbearing particularly in the area of sports (maybe that is exclusively in the area of sports). The author poses some interesting points.

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Interesting article and it talks about mentoring for one, but I wonder what the difference is now from ten or twenty years ago with fathers being involved in their sons lives. Seems to me that fathers are more involved than they were when I was a kid across the board though I could be an exception. In many cases, they are too involved in the sense that they are overbearing particularly in the area of sports (maybe that is exclusively in the area of sports). The author poses some interesting points.

 

 

All good points! The world keeps turning and so does Dad/son/daughter relationships. It's dynamic and what worked even 20 years ago may or may not work today! JMHO.

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I voted 26-30, but in retrospect, I would like to change my answer to 14.

 

(My logic is that DMD's main objection to porn on these boards is that he didn't want the boards to be a place where his son couldn't come visit. But if his son is 14 and 14 is the age at which boys become men, then I think that means porn is now allowed on these boards.

 

Have at it, Chavez.)

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Asking where “most” guys become men, it has to be after 25. Not you necessarily, but the generation Y’s are who we’re talking about. My dad grew up in the depression, and I grew up in California in the 70’s; I guess it would have been 1976 when I was 14. I left home at 17 and joined the military at 18. I had it harder than my son, but my dad had it harder than I did… he was drafted. What do you think your son will remember as a hardship DMD? They have computers, cell phones, cable TV, and life is pretty good in the old US right now. I know some things suck, but all-in-all it’s a pretty fun time.

 

What do we worry about? What do our sons worry about? My son has learned about terrorism and war, but knows something that we don’t… guns in schools. Those loner high school kids are now something you don’t screw with. I don’t remember that in high school. High school was a blast.

 

Anyway, I think someone is defined as a grown man when he starts paying all of his own bills. I'll be giving my kids money until about 25... I don't want them to grow up too fast... they should have some fun first.

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