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Professional Animosity


spain
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Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."

 

"No problem," says the attorney, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you."

 

While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe and spits in it. When he returns with the coke, the other physician says, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

 

Again, the attorney obligingly fetches the drink. While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe and spits in it.

 

The lawyer comes back and they all sit back and enjoy the flight. As the plane is landing, however, the attorney slips his feet into his shoes and realizes immediately what has happened.

 

"How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

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There's no animosity, but:

 

A rich man, who was very close to his money, got together with his closest friends one day, who happened to be a priest, a doctor, and a lawyer.

 

The rich man was very old, and getting older, and was thinking about his approaching death. He despised his family, and wanted to screw them out of inheritance money. He told his three friends this, and asked them to do a favor for him.

 

"Here are three envelopes, each contain $100,000, one for each of you. I don't want to go to the afterlife without my money, and I sure in the hell don't want my family to have it. Please, when I am buried, would each of you throw your envelopes into the grave on top of my coffin?"

 

The three friends agreed, and took the envelopes. Sure enough the rich man died. At his funeral, the doctor, the priest and the lawyer threw their envelopes on his coffin.

 

As they were leaving the funeral, the priest said to the others, "I have a confession to make. The church needed a new altar badly, so I . . . I took $5000 out of the envelope to buy it," and looked at his feet.

 

The doctor said, "Well, since you've admitted it, I too must confess that I took money. The children's hospital where I work needed a new, expensive X-ray machine, so I took $30,000 out of the envelope to buy

it."

 

The doctor and the priest both turned to the lawyer, expecting a similar confession. Instead, he said "I cannot tell you how shocked, appalled and disappointed I am with the both of you. I deposited the money in my account for safe keeping, and the envelope that I threw in the coffin contained my personal check for the entire $100,000, plus interest."

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