Fathers of young sons

[whomper]

I was going to suggest some kind of age restrictions that you can impliment on your computer to restrict him from those sites. Its true that this is the modern day version of getting caught with a playboy. I dont think a talk is a bad idea at this point. Just try not to make it too embarrasing for the kid and try and let him know he can come to you with any questions he may have and that he shouldnt feel ashamed and that what he is doing is normal .

[PSULions]

I have 3 girls (13, 11 and 9) and my son who is only 6, but I started monitoring computer access several years ago, even though I am not worried about the girls searching out porn. The site I use is from Blue Coat and it is called K9. It allows you to set the type of sites you want to monitor or you can use the various default setting they have. It also had a nice think to monitor when he is at your house. Anytime a site that pops up from the parameters you set it will make a barking sound. This would cause him to quickly leave that site and you would hear the barking dog from the computer so you could check in with him if you are in a different room. The software is free.

 

K9

 

The other thing that this allows you to do is to log the sites that he visits. The administor can use the tool that categorizes the web sites and gives you a log of each site he has visited, so you can visit with him if there are some sites you don't even know about, such as chat rooms, or other things not appropriate for a 10 year old boy. How that helps.

[PSULions]

how do ya check the history......... ....... don't want to ask my 13 year old son

 

There is a icon on the IE 6 or 7 (whatever you use) that looks like a clock / dial that goes backwards. That is the History button. You can go look at that day, that week, etc. If he is smart and wants to hide things from you check the Menu bar at the top and see if he has changed the history setting to be only 0 or 1 day, hence, trying to hide is tracks. Go to Tools, Internet Options and the General tab pops up and see what it says for History days. I would suggest making sure it is a least 2 or 3 weeks.

 

If you also want to see the type of sites he is visiting when on the PC, you can download a free version of K9 using the link I left in the post above.

[AtomicCEO]

have the computer in an area for all to view

 

Oh sure... but then where is Skilly going to go to look at bikinys?

 

I told my son once his week of lost computer privileges is over with either myself or mom would go to the sites with him and explain anything he may not understand.

 

"Well son... sometimes a group of 10-20 japanese men like to get together with just one girl in a latex suit and do things that seem pretty gross, but I assure you it's all natural."

[nuke'em ttg]

There is a icon on the IE 6 or 7 (whatever you use) that looks like a clock / dial that goes backwards. That is the History button. You can go look at that day, that week, etc. If he is smart and wants to hide things from you check the Menu bar at the top and see if he has changed the history setting to be only 0 or 1 day, hence, trying to hide is tracks. Go to Tools, Internet Options and the General tab pops up and see what it says for History days. I would suggest making sure it is a least 2 or 3 weeks.

 

If you also want to see the type of sites he is visiting when on the PC, you can download a free version of K9 using the link I left in the post above.

 

 

Thanks PSU........ ...........

[Skilly]

Oh sure... but then where is Skilly going to go to look at bikinys?

............................................................

 

Thanks for the good replies. I'm going to check out that K9 program, if nothing else than to get a kick out of seeing my kid fly out of the chair when the coumputer starts barking at him.

[darin3]

Thanks PSU........ ...........

Did my link not help?

[McBoog]

I am currently assigned to the Cyber Crimes Center with Homeland Security - C3 . One of my duties is to go out and do some internet safety presentations/strategies with kids, schools and parents. I think there a few things to keep in mind:

 

1- Technology is neutral. The internet and the computers that access them are not bad or good. It is how the users themselves utilize the technology.

 

2- Kids have a proprietary attitude to the I-net and this technology. It has been a part of their whole lives and they often look at our actions toward it as an intrusion to their world and privacy.

 

3- Cutting a kid off from the I-net and this technology is often counterproductive. It is like cutting them off from using a glass to drink from. It is so much a part of the mind-set, that it is more than TV or video games. It is a part of the culture and one that needs to be taught about the benefits and dangers that exist. Cyber cafes, libraries and friends provide ample opportunity to access the I-net even if cut off at home. You could also cause your child to be ostracized by friends and peers during the “cut off” time. A punishment worse than anything you can administer.

 

4- It is more important that we give them the tools to help them protect themselves and be cautious. Look at the I-net as a big public building with lots of public rooms. Some are safe, some are not. It is your job to teach them how to be as safe about where they go and how they behave while in cyberspace, just as you do when they are out on the street. Improper behavior on the i-net can cause physical danger to them or their family as well as a myriad of economic dangers.

 

5- Cyber “spy” types of software are great to let you know what is going on, but when a “violation” does occur, how do you challenge them? Teens are so aware of their newfound desire for “privacy” this could be considered a horrific breech of trust and their privacy from their perspective. Rather, use their desire for privacy as a common ground to help them maintain that privacy while on-line. Teach them about sexual predators and cyber-bullying. The software can be a catch-22. Often the best path is to let them know that you are able to monitor everything they do on their computer without being too specific. Some of my friends/co-workers kids are so computer literate, they can find and disable these programs (what do you expect from kids whose parents are cyber geeks?)

 

Below are some links with great info on the topic:

 

Netsmartz for teens

 

take25

 

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children

 

Internet safety

 

virtual global task force

 

Think U know

 

I cannot stress to you enough that it is your responsibility to get you kid safe on the internet. If you don't do it, chances are nobody will. Read these links thouroughly and look for more. Come up with a strategy and action plan and then figure it out WITH your son. Do not imposre it on him. Rather bring him into the planning on how to make not only him, but the whole family safer by what he personally does on the i-net.

 

The reality is that there are not many places our kids can go to if they get in trouble on the i-net. They tend to discount parents, reject teachers and are scared to report to law enforcement because often they think they have done something wrong to get themselves into their situation.

 

Good luck! It is not an easy topic. It is a new twist to parenting that our folks cannot help us with. It is one we are going to have to figure out for ourselves. I am all into “personal responsibility” and consequences, but my experience is that a heavy hand will drive them further away than closer in this arena. I have already started teaching my 5-year olds about the proper and improper ways to use the computer. The younger you start, the easier it is.

 

i have been trying to keep my posts short these days, so please forgive the length. This is not only my job, but keeping our children safe is a passion as well.

[whoopazz]

I have 2 teenage daughters. I suggest you castrate the sick little bastage.

[McBoog]

I have 2 teenage daughters. I suggest you castrate the sick little bastage.

 

If this is really your attitude. your daughters are at high risk!!!! Get ready for tears, threapy and guilt that will last a lifetime.

 

You are addressing the reality of close to one in a billion threat. The chance that you will ever come face-to-face with these pervs BEFORE they do their damage, is remote. They know what they are doing, talk to each other, and will "groom" your child to the point that they (your child) believe that it was their (your child's) fault!! They won't come to you with their fears, OR, not even realize and will walk right into a molestation (most likely)! We all like to think "our" kids are too smart for this to happen to them. Well, that is what all parents of these kids think!

 

Though lost in the news, some will remember the young girl (15 yers old) that did all the legal documentation, through the mail, to go to Isreal... HERSELF!!! She got on a plane for God's sake! She was headed to a life of sexual slavery! Is this what you want for your girls?

 

Sorry!

 

But to me this is not a funny topic! I deal with this parental "non-shalant" attitude every day I go to work. Parents, beside themselves, in panic and grief because they didn't know, or accept the threat to their children are calling me, asking me what to do! I still don't know what to say to make them feel better. It rarely ever ends up "OK". The truth is.... there is nothing I can say. The only reality is that I can say, "You should have prepared them!", but what good does that do? Why add that helping of guilt to a suffering parent???

 

Sure, I agree.. Castrate, even KILL the bassturds. BUT, finding them BEFORE they do their damage is the hard part!

[whoopazz]

If this is really your attitude. your daughters are at high risk!!!! Get ready for tears, threapy and guilt that will last a lifetime.

 

You are addressing the reality of close to one in a billion threat. The chance that you will ever come face-to-face with these pervs BEFORE they do their damage, is remote. They know what they are doing, talk to each other, and will "groom" your child to the point that they (your child) believe that it was their (your child's) fault!! They won't come to you with their fears, OR, not even realize and will walk right into a molestation (most likely)! We all like to think "our" kids are too smart for this to happen to them. Well, that is what all parents of these kids think!

 

Though lost in the news, some will remember the young girl (15 yers old) that did all the legal documentation, through the mail, to go to Isreal... HERSELF!!! She got on a plane for God's sake! She was headed to a life of sexual slavery! Is this what you want for your girls?

 

Sorry!

 

But to me this is not a funny topic! I deal with this parental "non-shalant" attitude every day I go to work. Parents, beside themselves, in panic and grief because they didn't know, or accept the threat to their children are calling me, asking me what to do! I still don't know what to say to make them feel better. It rarely ever ends up "OK". The truth is.... there is nothing I can say. The only reality is that I can say, "You should have prepared them!", but what good does that do? Why add that helping of guilt to a suffering parent???

 

Sure, I agree.. Castrate, even KILL the bassturds. BUT, finding them BEFORE they do their damage is the hard part!

 

I was only kidding. My girls are well grounded and family oriented. Your right, I should not make light of this issue.