Skilly

Fathers of young sons

Recommended Posts

I have entered a new era in fatherhood. My 10 year old son has discovered internet porn. My kids don't live with me full-time, and when they come over on the weekends, I allow them to use the computer. I thought I was monitoring them fairly closely, mostly it was just Nickalodian and cartoon network.com stuff.

However...... I came accross a google search of "Bikiny Girls" :D (that's my son's spelling)

Then I checked the history file, and there were a few questionable sites that he went to......nothing hard core, but more like Maximonline and some youtube videos.

I know he's curious, and I don't want to make a big scene that will embarrass or hurt him, but I definately need to talk to him about this stuff.

 

Have any of you dealt with this situation before, and how did you handle it?

 

My thoughts are:

1. Grounded from the computer for a month.

2. Door to room must be kept open when on computer.

3. I will enable the login - password.

4. A good talk about all the "bad internet stuff" out there.

 

To me, it seems that 10 is a bit young for the sex talk, but now I'm starting to wonder. I remember at a young age sneaking behind the backyard fence with my best friend who hijacked his dad's Playboys. It seems innocent enough now--I mean, I knew that I liked what I was looking at, even if I didn't know what to do with it! :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm not the father of a young son, nor a father at all... but the way I'd handle it would be doing 2-4 and eliminating the grounding from the computer. I mean, without him knowing about #4 - or "sex" in general, I don't necessarily think grounding will do anything more than the talk and extra security (2, 3) you're already planning. :D But that's just a non-parent talking. :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I barely talked my wife out of going over each and every site with my son. That would have shriveled it until he was 23.

 

I felt he had been punished enough, since he had typed in "hairy pussily". :D

 

We locked him out of the computers for a month for each site he visited.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would not ground him for this. However, I would speak to him about what you saw, have the computer in an area for all to view and have the computer set up to where it would be very hard to enter this type of site. I know it can be done, I am just not a computer type guy though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I would not ground him for this. However, I would speak to him about what you saw, have the computer in an area for all to view and have the computer set up to where it would be very hard to enter this type of site. I know it can be done, I am just not a computer type guy though.

 

Agree with this. I've thought about this a long time on how I will handle it when my boy gets older.

 

I already have a box of old playboys stashed on a high shelf in the garage, because I know at some point that little bugger is going to go looking for something. That will be his "reward" for thinking he's pulling a fast one over on the old man. I figure at that point, if he's looking, it's time to sit down and talk about it. Same thing about internet porn.

 

I think if you make a big deal about how "bad" it is, you create a barrier between you and he over how forthcoming he will be when times get tough. My plan is to be as honest and informational as possible so he will feel comfortable coming to me when he has some real questions/issues.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Agree with this. I've thought about this a long time on how I will handle it when my boy gets older.

 

I already have a box of old playboys stashed on a high shelf in the garage, because I know at some point that little bugger is going to go looking for something. That will be his "reward" for thinking he's pulling a fast one over on the old man. I figure at that point, if he's looking, it's time to sit down and talk about it. Same thing about internet porn.

 

I think if you make a big deal about how "bad" it is, you create a barrier between you and he over how forthcoming he will be when times get tough. My plan is to be as honest and informational as possible so he will feel comfortable coming to me when he has some real questions/issues.

 

Not a question of "bad" or "good", but "safe" and "unsafe". My boy's background of abuse means we must go to larger measures to keep him safe from everyone, including himself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Haven't gotten to this point yet (my boys are 8 and 5,) but will soon. Re: #2, is there any way to have the PC out in a common room? That takes a lot of the secrecy element away even as a temptation.

 

At this point its likely more about information/curiosity, and/or checking out something a squirrely friend suggested on a 'dare', not 'spankin it'.

 

Be as low key as possible....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I have entered a new era in fatherhood. My 10 year old son has discovered internet porn. My kids don't live with me full-time, and when they come over on the weekends, I allow them to use the computer. I thought I was monitoring them fairly closely, mostly it was just Nickalodian and cartoon network.com stuff.

However...... I came accross a google search of "Bikiny Girls" :D (that's my son's spelling)

Then I checked the history file, and there were a few questionable sites that he went to......nothing hard core, but more like Maximonline and some youtube videos.

I know he's curious, and I don't want to make a big scene that will embarrass or hurt him, but I definately need to talk to him about this stuff.

 

Have any of you dealt with this situation before, and how did you handle it?

 

My thoughts are:

1. Grounded from the computer for a month.

2. Door to room must be kept open when on computer.

3. I will enable the login - password.

4. A good talk about all the "bad internet stuff" out there.

 

To me, it seems that 10 is a bit young for the sex talk, but now I'm starting to wonder. I remember at a young age sneaking behind the backyard fence with my best friend who hijacked his dad's Playboys. It seems innocent enough now--I mean, I knew that I liked what I was looking at, even if I didn't know what to do with it! :D

 

Two weeks ago, I got a call from a parent with whom my son hangs out with their 11 year old. Both kids are 11. He checked history on his computer and found they were going to some pretty pornographic sites. He called me, and we discussed. We both agreed both of them would be grounded for one week from both the computer and hanging out with each other.

 

I discussed with my son the problem with him looking at things he may not understand. I was also openly honest with him, telling him I used to go to a friend’s house when I was close to his age to look at his hustler collection( it was very good). My parents always ignored the sex thing so I had no one other then my friends to ask questions( poor answers).

 

I told my son once his week of lost computer privileges is over with either myself or mom would go to the sites with him and explain anything he may not understand. He wanted to go that night. “ Gotta wait a week son”, I reaffirmed.

 

I will never hide information from my children. Some will disagree, but that is the way I am going to raise my kids.

 

When your 11 year old son asks you how to get girls to like him more, you know if you continue to be open he will tell you many things in his teenage years which otherwise would be hidden from you. Drugs, sex, drinking, ect...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Not a question of "bad" or "good", but "safe" and "unsafe". My boy's background of abuse means we must go to larger measures to keep him safe from everyone, including himself.

 

Bad was probably not the best choice of words: but I put it in parenthesis to imply potentially inappropriate for his age.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Two weeks ago, I got a call from a parent with whom my son hangs out with their 11 year old. Both kids are 11. He checked history on his computer and found they were going to some pretty pornographic sites. He called me, and we discussed. We both agreed both of them would be grounded for one week from both the computer and hanging out with each other.

 

I discussed with my son the problem with him looking at things he may not understand. I was also openly honest with him, telling him I used to go to a friend’s house when I was close to his age to look at his hustler collection( it was very good). My parents always ignored the sex thing so I had no one other then my friends to ask questions( poor answers).

 

I told my son once his week of lost computer privileges is over with either myself or mom would go to the sites with him and explain anything he may not understand. He wanted to go that night. “ Gotta wait a week son”, I reaffirmed.

 

I will never hide information from my children. Some will disagree, but that is the way I am going to raise my kids.

 

When your 11 year old son asks you how to get girls to like him more, you know if you continue to be open he will tell you many things in his teenage years which otherwise would be hidden from you. Drugs, sex, drinking, ect...

 

I kind of like this idea, as it will prove to him that I know where he's been online.

 

Unfortunately, there's no way for me to put the computer in the common room. It's just not practical for us. One reason I want to ground him from the computer is that it is not his computer that this happened on---he was deliberately sneaky and was using somebody elses property to do this. Perhaps a month is too long.

 

I appreciate the responses. I'll be seeing him again in a few weeks and I'll update with the results (if anyone cares!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

10 isn't too young to talk about sex. It's certainly way too young to be *having* sex, but I think you'd be making a mistake by punishing his natural curiosity. Frankly, I'd be more concerned about his spelling.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1. Open talk with him

2. Computer out in the open

3. If #2 not possible, use Surf Patrol or something similar.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

what fbj said

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell him that looking at these sorts of sites is the work of the devil. It means that he is a queer and will be meeting strange men in truck stops for the rest of his life. He will grow hair on his palms and be the object of scorn and derision forever. Then when he dies, he will spend eternity in he11. That ought to cure him for a while...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

how do ya check the history......... :D....... don't want to ask my 13 year old son :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Agree with this. I've thought about this a long time on how I will handle it when my boy gets older.

 

I already have a box of old playboys stashed on a high shelf in the garage, because I know at some point that little bugger is going to go looking for something. That will be his "reward" for thinking he's pulling a fast one over on the old man. I figure at that point, if he's looking, it's time to sit down and talk about it. Same thing about internet porn.

 

I think if you make a big deal about how "bad" it is, you create a barrier between you and he over how forthcoming he will be when times get tough. My plan is to be as honest and informational as possible so he will feel comfortable coming to me when he has some real questions/issues.

 

Not that i'ts really any help, but here's what I've started doing with our 3.5 yo son...

 

He sees a pretty girl, and from time to time, he'll stare. When it's safe (i.e., the girl is out of ear shot), I'll ask him if he though she was pretty. He'll either grunt, shake his head or, if she was really pretty, he'll quietely say, "yeah".

 

Then I'll tell him that it's good to think that girls are pretty and that God made them to look that way for a reason, and that when he gets older, I'll explain more about why his tummy and his heart feel wierd. He says, "ok". And that's that.

 

But, these observations have led to some HILARIOUS comments from my son.

 

Situation: My sister is nursing her 3mo old daughter. My son is observing her up-close. Son looks at sister and says, "Yeah, my mom can do that."

 

Five minutes go by, and my sister changes sides during feeding, whereby my son notices this and my sons' nonchalant response (said with a tone of voice of "my dad is bigger than your dad") ... "Oh yeah? Well, my mom has two of those, too." :D Gotta love little kids.

 

Later on, I'll be frank and open about what my eyeballs have seen if/when he asks ... no reason not to. I'm just not sure I want to be putting anything more outrageous than the Sears catalog out there for him to get his hands on...

 

PS - To the point at hand ... there is a very good chance that he got the bug in his ear on this from a kid who has an older brother or a VERY open household ... If you're able, find out how he got the idea in the first place ... that may help you decide the appropriate punishment.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Not that i'ts really any help, but here's what I've started doing with our 3.5 yo son...

 

He sees a pretty girl, and from time to time, he'll stare. When it's safe (i.e., the girl is out of ear shot), I'll ask him if he though she was pretty. He'll either grunt, shake his head or, if she was really pretty, he'll quietely say, "yeah".

 

Then I'll tell him that it's good to think that girls are pretty and that God made them to look that way for a reason, and that when he gets older, I'll explain more about why his tummy and his heart feel wierd. He says, "ok". And that's that.

 

But, these observations have led to some HILARIOUS comments from my son.

 

Situation: My sister is nursing her 3mo old daughter. My son is observing her up-close. Son looks at sister and says, "Yeah, my mom can do that."

 

Five minutes go by, and my sister changes sides during feeding, whereby my son notices this and my sons' nonchalant response (said with a tone of voice of "my dad is bigger than your dad") ... "Oh yeah? Well, my mom has two of those, too." :D Gotta love little kids.

 

Later on, I'll be frank and open about what my eyeballs have seen if/when he asks ... no reason not to. I'm just not sure I want to be putting anything more outrageous than the Sears catalog out there for him to get his hands on...

 

PS - To the point at hand ... there is a very good chance that he got the bug in his ear on this from a kid who has an older brother or a VERY open household ... If you're able, find out how he got the idea in the first place ... that may help you decide the appropriate punishment.

Lil Muck in a few years? :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Much good advice in this thread. Reminds me of a song I once heard...

 

Mama, don't let your babies

Grow up to be homos.

Don't lett'em wear earrings

and carry a purse.

Lett'em drink whiskey, chase women

and curse.

 

You get the idea.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well let me put it to you this way. I was busted with playboy when i was 10 and my parents went orbital on me and grounded me and the whole 9 yards. Remember I find trash cans, bird crap and fungus erotic. Be warned.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

CyberSitter

 

You can control what they see and get a log emailed to you every day.

 

Downside - doesn't keep up with MySpace IM stuff

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well let me put it to you this way. I was busted with playboy when i was 10 and my parents went orbital on me and grounded me and the whole 9 yards. Remember I find trash cans, bird crap and fungus erotic. Be warned.

 

 

you really tuned out ok Cliaz ... midgets , wrestling turkies dressed like vincent price , baked beans , cats licking, eating bananas with no shirts ...all very common and normal behavior / dialogue :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CyberSitter

 

You can control what they see and get a log emailed to you every day.

 

Downside - doesn't keep up with MySpace IM stuff

 

 

Also if he is a little bit handy with DL software cracks he can bypass it very easy.

 

Honestly if you want you can PM me and speak to my wife about it. She has to talk with parents of her kids when she finds them doing stuff or looking at pron. She has a whole thing she goes through provided to her by the state that is very affective and saves the kid and you face. I joke but this issue can be very hard on a kid.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
CyberSitter

 

You can control what they see and get a log emailed to you every day.

 

Downside - doesn't keep up with MySpace IM stuff

 

:D ........all those Alarming Facts happen daily here

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.