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Disfunction Junction

My girlfriend likes to call me Daddy,,,a little to much!

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I had some dude want to fight me at a party cause I had my girl calling me daddy.

 

Yeah, I'm sure that was it, not the fact that you just smashed his coffee table with your face. :D

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I'd dump her ass. You've already gotten her in the sack and since she sounds mentally-unstable, she's probably not a long-term prospect.

fixed

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So you've got a girl who likes to get a little freaky. I seriously doubt she's envisioning you as her real Dad. Enjoy it...at least she's not a cold fish who just lies there. If it weirds you out try changing the roles...

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that chick is about to kill you

 

+1

 

If you have a pet rabbit, I'd put it in the witness relocation program.

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:D pics?

 

LOL, Not of Skippy getting strapn'ed, but you know, the little lady....

 

:D I love the use of the contraction. That has rto be a huddlism now. :tup:

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She's really been getting into this for about the last month. It's escalating to the point of bending her over my knee and spanking her. She wears a blindfold and tells me how she's been such a bad girl. Kind of bizzarre behavior for a 32 year old woman. I've been going along with the role play. Last night I kind of took it to a new level and when we were in the middle of it I slapped her on her cheek a couple of times and said "don't tell your mother!" The lights were out, but I'm sure her face was like :D It's a pretty funny situation but I'm starting to think maybe she needs some professional help.

 

My dear boy you have no idea what kind of gold mine you have stumbled on.

 

First thing is first. Keep up with the spanking stuff. If she gets into, great. Use that to your advantage. After a few weeks slip in something along the lines of “So, since you’ve been getting your rocks off with this whole spanking/daddy deal I think it’s about time you return the favor.”

 

She should be more than willing. If now tell her that she needs to soak her right butt cheek in a bath of Vaseline for the next three weeks so its nice and tender and soft and you will spank her harder and longer if she complies.

 

Okay now you should have all the stars lined up. Trust me on this my son you are about to reach a level of physical pleasure that is equal to none…

 

Go to the pet store and buy twenty of those 10 lbs cedar chips they use to line hamster cages with. Grab an aquarium air pump and then swing by an arts and craft store and pick up a hot glue gun, some blue and purple sequence and a bunch of fake flowers. Then head over to a party store and grab some fake teeth.

 

What you want to do here is convince her that she has to do whatever you ask. Shouldn’t be hard since she likes the spanking deal.

 

Pour the cedar chips all over the bed and lay out all the items around you. You need to be naked [of course]. Put the fake teeth in your mouth and ask her to decorate your balls with the sequence using the glue gun and then to shove the hose in your [edit] and turn it on all the while you will be singing “Shadow Dancing” by the Bee-Gees and throwing fake flowers at her feet.

 

If she agrees to any part of that at all then you have a keeper. Marry that chick. One of the worse things about marriage is being married to a chick who wont step on you anymore or let you dress up like Count Chocula and run around pouring sour milk on her nipples. You need to have a freak.

Edited by cliaz

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Most men try their entire lives to meet a girl that f'ed up.

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Most men try their entire lives to meet a girl that f'ed up.

 

 

I did have one but she was into a rape fantasy and wanted me to break in and rape her. No f'cking way :D

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I did have one but she was into a rape fantasy and wanted me to break in and rape her. No f'cking way :D

 

 

What if she were a midget? How about then? :D

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I did have one but she was into a rape fantasy and wanted me to break in and rape her. No f'cking way :D

:D What the fark??? :tup:

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Most men try their entire lives to meet a girl that f'ed up.

 

 

I heard Vincent Gallo on Howard Stern one time and he said he loves meeting women that are Fed up in the head..Stern asked him if the reason was that Gallo wanted to save them and Gallo said no he wanted to be the last straw.

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What if she were a midget? How about then? :D

 

 

Even I have rules. She would have to have one of the fattest midget bubble butts ever on record in order for me to even re-think it.

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Even I have rules. She would have to have one of the fattest midget bubble butts ever on record in order for me to even re-think it.

What if it was Amy Roloff??

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I've dated a number of chicks that liked to be choaked while doing the dirty. I didnt like it.

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What if it was Amy Roloff??

 

 

No. She is too normal looking.

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Pour the cedar chips all over the bed and lay out all the items around you. You need to be naked [of course]. Put the fake teeth in your mouth and ask her to decorate your balls with the sequence using the glue gun and then to shove the hose in your [edit] and turn it on all the while you will be singing “Shadow Dancing” by the Bee-Gees and throwing fake flowers at her feet.

 

If she agrees to any part of that at all then you have a keeper. Marry that chick.

 

I'm beginning to think cliaz = bloodninja. You forgot to mention the wizard's hat.....

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Most men try their entire lives to meet a girl that f'ed up.

 

 

I hooked up with a girl in college that didnt actually go to my school..She lived in NY and was friends with someone at our college..She seemed a little spacy but nothing that could scare me off until we decided we were going to fool around. We were out drinking and she alluded to the fact taht we were going to get busy later that night. When we got to the room and shananigans began she requested that I take a leak on her :D Eventhough I had about 15 keystones in me I declined and never saw her again.

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I hooked up with a girl in college that didnt actually go to my school..She lived in NY and was friends with someone at our college..She seemed a little spacy but nothing that could scare me off until we decided we were going to fool around. We were out drinking and she alluded to the fact taht we were going to get busy later that night. When we got to the room and shananigans began she requested that I take a leak on her :D Eventhough I had about 15 keystones in me I declined and never saw her again.

 

Same thing happened to me, but I am happy to report I am much more of a gentleman than you, whomp. :D

 

I never saw her again, either.

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I hooked up with a girl in college that didnt actually go to my school..She lived in NY and was friends with someone at our college..She seemed a little spacy but nothing that could scare me off until we decided we were going to fool around. We were out drinking and she alluded to the fact taht we were going to get busy later that night. When we got to the room and shananigans began she requested that I take a leak on her :D Eventhough I had about 15 keystones in me I declined and never saw her again.

If I'd have had 15 keystones in me, I would have been pissing on everything

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I hooked up with a girl in college that didnt actually go to my school..She lived in NY and was friends with someone at our college..She seemed a little spacy but nothing that could scare me off until we decided we were going to fool around. We were out drinking and she alluded to the fact taht we were going to get busy later that night. When we got to the room and shananigans began she requested that I take a leak on her :D Eventhough I had about 15 keystones in me I declined and never saw her again.

 

 

Same thing happened to me, but I am happy to report I am much more of a gentleman than you, whomp. :D

 

I never saw her again, either.

 

 

 

Did you extra decline ?

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If I'd have had 15 keystones in me, I would have been pissing on everything

 

 

:D

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I hooked up with a girl in college that didnt actually go to my school..She lived in NY and was friends with someone at our college..She seemed a little spacy but nothing that could scare me off until we decided we were going to fool around. We were out drinking and she alluded to the fact taht we were going to get busy later that night. When we got to the room and shananigans began she requested that I take a leak on her :D Eventhough I had about 15 keystones in me I declined and never saw her again.

 

that is truly disgusting. keystone ?? :D

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