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The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its


contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for




And the winners are:


1. Coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.


2. Flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one

has gained.


3. Abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. Esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.


5. Willy-Nilly, adj. impotent.


6. Negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing

only a



7. Lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.


8. Gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.


9. Flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has

been run

over by a steamroller.


10. Balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.


11. Testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.


12. Rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by



13. Pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.


14. Oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with



15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies

up onto

the roof and gets stuck there.


16. Circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxers.

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