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Missoula Griz

Kids pay 1/2 of their day care

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Wife and I both work. I have an 11 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. The 11 year old is old enough to stay at home by himself, but he cannot show the responsibility to watch his sister. She is a drama queen, and he is just like most boys always teasing and being a jerk to her. We pay about $450.00 per month currently for someone to watch them just during the summer.

 

I am sick of footing the bill. I have decided to make them pay for 1/2 the cost. My reasoning is they should be able to get along better and help the family save the money. They are both intelligent kids. They can prepare food, clean house somewhat, and know good or bad.

 

We have neighbors and family close by in case of an emergency. My wife works less then 5 minutes from home in case of an emergency. I can be reached on my cell at all times. We live in a very safe area. Their biggest danger other then each other would be a mean turkey or heat stroke.

 

My son thinks it’s unfair that he cannot just stay home by himself. I am trying to teach them as a family we must each give something in order to make things work best for everyone. As parents we set a good example. We both share housework and bring in fair paychecks.

 

Do you think I am being irrational by having them pay from their savings? I am at my last straw with their fighting and complaining.

 

Any thoughts?

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I think your daughter is too young to expect her to be fine without supervision and your son is too young to expect him to be able to supervise and this seems a lot like punishment. As parents, I feel the burden should be yours and yours alone to protect them until they can take care of themselves. IMO, that time is not yet.

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I think your daughter is too young to expect her to be fine without supervision and your son is too young to expect him to be able to supervise and this seems a lot like punishment. As parents, I feel the burden should be yours and yours alone to protect them until they can take care of themselves. IMO, that time is not yet.

 

Good point. However, my concern is not protection, but them getting along better. We live in one of the safest places in the world.

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I feel guilty taking a shower and leaving my daughter alone in the living room watching TV, I can't imagine leaving her all day.

 

I would not pay $450/month either... thank GOD my sister in law lives in town and has a daughter the same age.

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I have a 13 year boy and 11 year old girl and I can't leave them due to fighting.

 

I can't trust either of them to babysit my 5 year old or 3 year old, either.

 

My 13 year old stays home alone, but they brawl together.

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Good point. However, my concern is not protection, but them getting along better. We live in one of the safest places in the world.

I'm not talking about bad guys. I'm talking about protecting them from doing the types of stupid things that kids do. Obviously there is a threshold at which one can expect them to take care of themselves for hours on end. It just seems that you might be expecting too much right now. If they were 13 and 10 or even 12 and 9...

 

Of course, every kid is different. However, yours don't appear to be any more evolved in this regard than most or you wouldn't be having this dilemma.

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Do you really think an 11 yr old cares if you pay for it out of his savings?

 

 

Mine sure does. He knows his exact balance.

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I'm not talking about bad guys. I'm talking about protecting them from doing the types of stupid things that kids do. Obviously there is a threshold at which one can expect them to take care of themselves for hours on end. It just seems that you might be expecting too much right now. If they were 13 and 10 or even 12 and 9...

 

Of course, every kid is different. However, yours don't appear to be any more evolved in this regard than most or you wouldn't be having this dilemma.

 

 

Thanks for being the devils advocate. You have made some very good points, none of which have not crossed my mind as well.

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Do you really think an 11 yr old cares if you pay for it out of his savings?

I didn't much care about my savings when I was 11, but I sure did 5 years later when I bought my first racing bike. Colnago with all Campy Super Record components... I would have been pissed if my parents decided to start charging me for not being mature enough to take care of a younger sibling when i was 10.

Edited by detlef

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I didn't much care about my savings when I was 11, but I sure did 5 years later when I bought my first racing bike. Colnago with all Campy Super Record components...

 

The wife runs a bank. The kids know money.

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You made the parenting decision to not have at least one parent home to supervise your children. I know you'll come back and say that both parents HAVE to work full time in order to pay the bills. Nevertheless, it is a decision, and its one that you made given the lifestyle that you choose to live. You shouldn't charge your children for your parenting decision to leave them unsupervised before they are ready to be on their own.

 

The fact of the matter is, your children still require supervision. You think that they shouldn't need it but their behavior requires it. It's not the responsibility of minors to pay for their own supervision. Its your responsibility 100% to provide them with the supervision that they still need, whether that's by staying at home yourself, or paying someone else to do it for you.

 

There's no way you can justify stealing your children's savings simply because they haven't grown up fast enough for your liking.

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Thanks for being the devils advocate. You have made some very good points, none of which have not crossed my mind as well.

With all due respect, I'm not being devil's advocate here. I obviously don't know your kids and am, thus, not informed enough to make a truly qualified decision. However, you asked what we all thought and I really think that you are being unfair to your kids. I understand that inflation changes everything, but that's a lot of scratch to a kid. Even if you think your son should be old enough to take care of his sister, you're also penalizing a 7 year old kid for being too much for her brother to handle.

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You made the parenting decision to not have at least one parent home to supervise your children. I know you'll come back and say that both parents HAVE to work full time in order to pay the bills. Nevertheless, it is a decision, and its one that you made given the lifestyle that you choose to live. You shouldn't charge your children for your parenting decision to leave them unsupervised before they are ready to be on their own.

 

The fact of the matter is, your children still require supervision. You think that they shouldn't need it but their behavior requires it. It's not the responsibility of minors to pay for their own supervision. Its your responsibility 100% to provide them with the supervision that they still need, whether that's by staying at home yourself, or paying someone else to do it for you.

 

There's no way you can justify stealing your children's savings simply because they haven't grown up fast enough for your liking.

 

+1

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You made the parenting decision to not have at least one parent home to supervise your children. I know you'll come back and say that both parents HAVE to work full time in order to pay the bills. Nevertheless, it is a decision, and its one that you made given the lifestyle that you choose to live. You shouldn't charge your children for your parenting decision to leave them unsupervised before they are ready to be on their own.

 

The fact of the matter is, your children still require supervision. You think that they shouldn't need it but their behavior requires it. It's not the responsibility of minors to pay for their own supervision. Its your responsibility 100% to provide them with the supervision that they still need, whether that's by staying at home yourself, or paying someone else to do it for you.

 

There's no way you can justify stealing your children's savings simply because they haven't grown up fast enough for your liking.

[/quote

 

Well spoken.

Edited by Missoula Griz

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First off, you may want to check your state laws regarding the age at which you can leave a child unattended for such an extended period of time. In NJ, I believe one of your children would have to be 12 years old.

 

That being said, I believe your motives are good, but I am hard-pressed to believe the $$$ are the best motivator for the yutes. It's only a matter of time, no matter how fiscally precocious you think they are, until they realize "hey, I am not really being punished here". Also, if they are as financially astute as you say they are, they will soon realize that you and your wife are ultimately going to foot the bill for all their needs. :D

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Sounds like its time to let the 11 year old stay at home by himself. Most of his friends stay at home by themselves in our town. The 7 year old still goes to day care.

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First off, you may want to check your state laws regarding the age at which you can leave a child unattended for such an extended period of time. In NJ, I believe one of your children would have to be 12 years old.

 

That being said, I believe your motives are good, but I am hard-pressed to believe the $$$ are the best motivator for the yutes. It's only a matter of time, no matter how fiscally precocious you think they are, until they realize "hey, I am not really being punished here". Also, if they are as financially astute as you say they are, they will soon realize that you and your wife are ultimately going to foot the bill for all their needs. :D

 

 

Braces for both 12K.

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First off, you may want to check your state laws regarding the age at which you can leave a child unattended for such an extended period of time. In NJ, I believe one of your children would have to be 12 years old.

 

That being said, I believe your motives are good, but I am hard-pressed to believe the $$$ are the best motivator for the yutes. It's only a matter of time, no matter how fiscally precocious you think they are, until they realize "hey, I am not really being punished here". Also, if they are as financially astute as you say they are, they will soon realize that you and your wife are ultimately going to foot the bill for all their needs. :D

 

 

Dude this is Montana. We dont have laws yet.

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Braces for both 12K.

 

Now, if they bit their fingernails or sucked their thumb when they were younger, I would certainly charge 'em half! :D

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Now, if they bit their fingernails or sucked their thumb when they were younger, I would certainly charge 'em half! :D

 

 

:D

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11 and 7???? Surely this is a fishing expedition? :D

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There's no way you can justify stealing your children's savings simply because they haven't grown up fast enough for your liking.

 

 

Agree. It's part of being a parent.

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11 and 7???? Surely this is a fishing expedition? :D

 

Rivers are closed to fishing after 2pm here locally because of the heat. Wish I was fishing.

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You only pay $450 a month for 2 kids in childcare and you are complaining? I've been forking out $1400 a month over in Paradise for about a year now for 2 kids...why I had to get the f'k out...

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