Cyclones Posted December 1, 2009 Share Posted December 1, 2009 So, just a little background - I've been posting here for a long time and most of the regulars probably know me and know that I'm Mormon (or was.) Over the course of the last year I've stopped going to Church and as a result my wife and I have been separated for about 7 months. It has been very bitter - at first we agreed to move on but over the last 3-4 months I have dealt with daily threats from her about saying things to my employer to try and get me fired, moving away with my son if I don't start going back to Church, etc. She calls and texts me dozens of times a day whether I am at work, home (we live in separate apartments now) or somewhere else. Its getting difficult to function at my job with all the stress - I have tried to reason with her but she won't back off at all. We have a verbal agreement on custody right now but many times she will drop him off and then text me a few minutes later stating that I'm keeping him for longer than we agreed on and that its up to me to figure out how to get him to school, pick him up, etc. (I work about 60-70 hours a week and she hasnt worked for 7 years.) Her latest tactic is to ask for a higher maintenance payment and if I disagree, she threatens to move or keep my son away from me. I'm really at the end of my rope here - is there anything I can do legally to stop the calls and texts? My boss has started asking me recently if anything is going on with me because my performance at work has been suffering due to this. The thing that most perplexes me is that if I lose my job it means no money for her or my son either as I am the only one of us working and my child support and maintenance payments are the only thing that will sustain them until she gets a job. I'd appreciate any feedback here...I'm about at the end of my rope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Footballjoe Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Talk to the elders in the Church about what she is doing. Maybe they will help. If not see an attorney. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skilly Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 This is advice from my girlfriend, who works at a local police department: 1. File a police report for harassment, and keep the text messages and voice mails for the officer to view and listen to. You can ask for a restraining or protective order, and if the judge grants it then she will be notifed that any continued harassment can result in her being arrested. 2. Go to your local courthouse apply for some kind of custody order, to include visitation rights, child support, etc. This kind of situation is obviously something that in the best of worlds can be handled by both ot you without outside intervention, but it sounds like you may need to initiate some action, if only to stop her dissruptive behavior. It's stressful trying to deal with all of this at once: I would be honest and forthwright with your employer, and explain the circumstances and let them know how you plan to deal with it. If you can get the calls and texts to stop, you should at least be able to focus on your work, while you are at work. Best of luck to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bier Meister Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Talk to the elders in the Church about what she is doing. Maybe they will help. If not see an attorney. reverse the order of that. start documenting and saving the threats (texts, email, and messages) as soon as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duchess Jack Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) agreed on keeping the text and messages, they will might prove invaluable some day. do not tell her you are doing this though because you don't want to lose a good tool if you need one. I like the idea of talking to the elders too, but wonder if you think they are getting involved on her end - with her making you going to church a good sticking point. whatever the case - document everything dates, times, etc. keep a journal on your visits with your son and be sure to record any changes of plans your wife might throw in. It might not only help you on a factual basis, but it also might help show you as the responsible party here. how old is your son? Edited December 2, 2009 by Duchess Jack Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheikYerbuti Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I :heart: god people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmarc117 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 stop the texts? you want to save every single thing she texts you. every one and use them as evidence of harrasement, lies, threats, etc. do not tell her you are using them, let her keep texting you. and dont ever incriminate yourself with a text, voicemail, or email! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 so very sorry you have to go thru this, and sorry she's using religion to con you into doing what she wants. Yes document all dialogue like they say, and always take the high road & bite your tongue even when it seems so very hard--that way she (and the legal system) can never hold anything against you, plus it's best for your son. Prayers sent for you and your precious son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Czarina Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 So sorry you're going through this. You absolutely have to get those threatening texts and messages printed and shown to your lawyer. It's despicable behavior. Keep thoughts of your child first and foremost. Do you have any support at this time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
untateve Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Get a good divorce attorney. Now. I could not be more serious. Your wife is threatening a move away. She is threatening to keep your son from you. You are too close to the situation and you don't see how serious this is. Get a good divorce attorney. Now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclones Posted December 2, 2009 Author Share Posted December 2, 2009 So sorry you're going through this. You absolutely have to get those threatening texts and messages printed and shown to your lawyer. It's despicable behavior. Keep thoughts of your child first and foremost. Do you have any support at this time? I have some friends, but my entire family still lives up in Northern Ontario and I'm here in Kentucky. Its been a really tough thing. A few months ago I met a woman who was going through a divorce too, but my wife found out about her and harassed her too to the point where she won't talk to me anymore because of it. I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Most nights I sit at home by myself and just work or watch TV. I just want it all to be over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isleseeya Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Get a good divorce attorney. Now. I could not be more serious. Your wife is threatening a move away. She is threatening to keep your son from you. You are too close to the situation and you don't see how serious this is. Get a good divorce attorney. Now. I agree with this and believe this is the best recourse for you while holding on to every text , email , etc you get from her Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpwallace49 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Get a good divorce attorney. Now. I could not be more serious. Your wife is threatening a move away. She is threatening to keep your son from you. You are too close to the situation and you don't see how serious this is. Get a good divorce attorney. Now. +1 Prayers sent to you and your son . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perchoutofwater Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Dude your wife sounds like she is crazy. I would talk to an attorney first but I would talk to the bishop as well. He can probably get you more immediate relief than your attorney can. I'm a Mormon and did just about the opposite of you. I was away from the church for about 10 years and just recently got back involved. My wife kept going the whole time. She never acted like yours though. I don't think this has much if anything to do with church, but more to do with your wife having a screw lose. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaP'N GRuNGe Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I have some friends, but my entire family still lives up in Northern Ontario and I'm here in Kentucky. Its been a really tough thing. A few months ago I met a woman who was going through a divorce too, but my wife found out about her and harassed her too to the point where she won't talk to me anymore because of it. I just don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Most nights I sit at home by myself and just work or watch TV. I just want it all to be over. Lots of good advice already. You think she might use this woman you met against you somehow in custody/divorce proceedings? You might want to think that one through too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaP'N GRuNGe Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 You might want to get in touch with KevinL. He's gone through alot of what you're facing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 also, don't know about your state laws, but I think here in TX one parent can't just take a kid so far away as to impede the other parent from regularly being in contact with that child, unless that parent is crazy or a criminal/drug user etc...I think her threats of removing your son and taking him away cannot happen, family courts would want to maintain all parent/child relationships Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
masterwing Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Ask Jesus... All she does is text you a lot? Get a grip man. If shes crazy, take your kid and go to the police. Otherwise deal with it. I still cant believe people think the earth is 10-12 thousand years old... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tazinib1 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Whatever you do, dont get in your car at 2 in the morning if you have a bag of golf clubs at your front door. seriously though...best of luck to ya man. Been there done that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riffraff Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Hasn't been said yet, but start hoarding the $$$. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrTed46 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) kill her eta: jus kidding Edited December 2, 2009 by MrTed46 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 This is advice from my girlfriend, who works at a local police department:1. File a police report for harassment, and keep the text messages and voice mails for the officer to view and listen to. You can ask for a restraining or protective order, and if the judge grants it then she will be notifed that any continued harassment can result in her being arrested. 2. Go to your local courthouse apply for some kind of custody order, to include visitation rights, child support, etc. This kind of situation is obviously something that in the best of worlds can be handled by both ot you without outside intervention, but it sounds like you may need to initiate some action, if only to stop her dissruptive behavior. It's stressful trying to deal with all of this at once: I would be honest and forthwright with your employer, and explain the circumstances and let them know how you plan to deal with it. If you can get the calls and texts to stop, you should at least be able to focus on your work, while you are at work. Best of luck to you. Get a good divorce attorney. Now. I could not be more serious. Your wife is threatening a move away. She is threatening to keep your son from you. You are too close to the situation and you don't see how serious this is. Get a good divorce attorney. Now. I like both these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevinL Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 Get a good divorce attorney. Now. I could not be more serious. Your wife is threatening a move away. She is threatening to keep your son from you. You are too close to the situation and you don't see how serious this is. Get a good divorce attorney. Now. This is where you start. You need arrangements for custody, visitation, & support. Anything you give her now may or may not be considered a gift. You will owe her alimony / spousal support for a # of months/years, and this clock hasn't started until the courts are made aware. And get it in writing that neither of you can move out of the county (or whatever area range you agree on) without giving up custody to the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorcher Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) The first thing you need to do is remove your son from this equation. It sounds like your son is being used as the reason for the differences between you and your wife, and he doesn't deserve that. Remove your son from this situation and then think about how you would deal with this situation. Don't make your son a pawn in the differences between you and your wife. Your son deserves to be loved as a human being and for what he truly is, and not to be treated as the prize in this war with your wife! Your son should not be any part of this situation! Edited December 2, 2009 by Scorcher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rajncajn Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 There's some great advice posted here already so all I can do is send my prayers. You may want to end this peacefully, but it doesn't sound like she will allow that. Get a good lawyer & talk to the church elders as has been suggested. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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