Is your spouse on Facebook/Internet?

[Yukon Cornelius]

And all this time I thought I was the only one here who curled.

I used 2

[HowboutthemCowboys]

I would go ballistic if I found her going through my email.

 

 

why?

Ummm...none of your business?

[Scooby]

I really enjoy FB, go there regularly...living 7 hrs away from my hometown where most of my friends and family are at, it definitely helps us all keep in touch with ease, not to mention long lost college friends. Also with organizing class reunions, parties, etc, a one stop shop to get everyone notified very quickly. I am very glad to have met my huddle brothers and sisters there too, nice to be able to put a name with a face, really enjoy these friendships that facebook makes possible in their unique way.

[tazinib1]

I really enjoy FB, go there regularly...living 7 hrs away from my hometown where most of my friends and family are at, it definitely helps us all keep in touch with ease, not to mention long lost college friends. Also with organizing class reunions, parties, etc, a one stop shop to get everyone notified very quickly. I am very glad to have met my huddle brothers and sisters there too, nice to be able to put a name with a face, really enjoy these friendships that facebook makes possible in their unique way.

 

And it allows us to see hot ta-ta's. Not that I'm mentioning anyone in particular..just say'n..hot ta-ta's are HOT!

[matt770]

I guess I just disagree. If you put yourself in bad situations over a long enough period of time almost everyone will do something stupid. I guess in my research and therapy from my marriages issues I learned some things. Anyone is free to disagree but keep in mind that some of this is from professionals who have consulted thousands of marriages. So don't limit this to "square is a little crazy" and close your mind. Here is a link to an article on marriagebuilders titled "Are friends a threat to your marriage?" So I guess when I say snooping I'm saying that I would take take interest in who my spouse is spending a lot of time talking to. Confiding personal and emotional issues to a person of the opposite sex can lead to bad things in a marriage (especially if you hit a rough patch of some kind). FB is a conduit in which this happens more than the real world due to ease of conversation and the ability to find old flames or people they were attracted to. Basically, a lot of people that have cheated did not intend to actually do it. What they didn't do is honor the proper barriers. So while I do agree that trust is a cornerstone of a marriage (as in that is what it is built on) that does not mean that I think that she (or any person) can put themselves into bad situations and expect nothing to happen. Proper barriers are required and I think more guys should be weary of "friends" that their women confide in because after a long enough time it can spark emotions.

Square, good for you for being open about having past issues and going to therapy. I know a stigma still exists and it's a shame because 99% of humans would benefit from therapy, probably a majority would benefit tremendously. No doubt the world would be a more civil place. Sounds like you put in some good work and came out better for it, so bravo.

 

Got some history of my own in this area...About 10 years ago when I hit 30 I decided it was time to stop messing around and settle down. So I picked a woman who was from a good family and could cook, wined and dined her, and we bought a house in the northern suburbs of Atlanta. Got engaged, set the date and started looking at places to get married. There was just a little issue though, I didn't love her and had some sort of odd disconnect from my emotions that prevented me from realizing it. I compensated by just immersing myself in the role and being dutiful in every way. It was her idea to start therapy just to have a forum to communicate. But as time passed and the wedding approached, the cracks in my facade started to show and I started acting out in various ways, including cheating with more women than I can even recall right now. It took a while, but eventually I worked up the guts to break it off. Therapy was a key component of just getting through that crazy time, and I learned tons about myself in the process. It helped me in ways that endure to this day, and it equipped me to have a successful relationship and marriage (knock on wood) this time around. Just trusting my own instincts and feeling confident in my decisions is new territory for me, and it's pretty great I must say.

[Square]

Look, I've said more than I should anyway. You guys can believe what you want. The truth is that statistically 50% of us aren't going to stay married. So I'm sure everyone's chit is perfect and their belief system works well for them. I'm just trying to give a bit of an example of how a slippery slope does sometimes lead to bad things. I'll still stand behind everyone is capable of doing some stupid chit (and people are f-ups in general) and that if you put yourself in compromising situations you are at a higher likelihood of developing feelings you would rather not have.

 

My situation is not unique and we are not some mismatched couple that you would assume this to. In HS I was a captain on the football team and she was voted best personality (total school was about 1700 people). We are far from some couple you would guess that had serious issues in their marriage. When she had a miscarriage trying to have our second child it hit her harder than I expected and I didn't know how to deal with the depression that followed. She ended up kissing some d-bag at work, but that is as far as chit went and we've been stronger since. I hope none of you have to deal with what I did, but believe me that your perceptions before hand, during, and after are far different than whatever you have concluded at this point.

[Puddy]

I was on FB a while before my wife. Actually I think I signed up from a link someone posted here. I visit it daily but post 'statuses' on occasion (probably average less than 1 every couple of days). Now that my wife is on it she's sort of hooked on it. I don't worry about her use of it. She came to me a couple of months ago and asked me if I would be upset if she accepted a friend request from a boyfriend from high school. I knew about the guy years ago. I remarked that I found it a little strange that he would want to be friends but that I wasn't too worried about it. She accepted the friend request and I'm sure he went through all her photos and wondered where he went wrong .

 

I'm as active right now as I've ever been largely because I'm pretty much control freaking the organization of my 25th high school reunion so I spend a lot of time on our page trying to recruit mofo's and collecting their money.

 

As far as cheating...I'm from Unta's school of thought. If someone wants to cheat, they're going to cheat. When I was very young I was the most insecure, jealous Chia Pet out there. I'm surprised my wife didn't break up with me when we were dating. I got over that in due time and chalk it up to being young and stupid.

[matt770]

So...anyone here been on the other side of the equation? Talking to exes online without the SO knowing about it, or worse yet, an old classmate who divulged they had a crush on you back in the day? And they still live close by and just went through a messy breakup?