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cliaz

farts

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Being completely serious on a topic about farts. I am so happy they exist. They are so damn entertaining. Think of all the funny things that have happened around farts through your life, farting on someone, leaving a SBDF in an elevator and fart jokes in movies. Playing fart tennis in the summer of 94 was a serious thing between me and 4 of my friends - think about the times in your life when you first start dating someone and you hold in your farts. I bet you just smiled. See, farts are awesome. And they're powerful. Sometimes, you can make people leave a room just because of a fart that comes out of you. Farts are just fun, funny, entertaining, useful and even the word, 'fart' is a fun to say. Plus let us not forget they feel good, too. God Bless farts.

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I come from a long line of farters and I agree with your post 100%

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Funny you should post this. Me and the kids were playing "pull my finger" tonight.

 

They were amazed that "pulling a finger" actually produced a fart.

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It's been a little over 8 years and I am still proud of the fart that literally made my wife throw up a bit in her mouth.

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It's been a little over 8 years and I am still proud of the fart that literally made my wife throw up a bit in her mouth.

 

....and she stayed married to you. Now THAT'S love!

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...think about the times in your life when you first start dating someone and you hold in your farts

 

 

I always felt that the sure indicator that the relationship was serious was when you could openly fart in front of her.

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I always felt that the sure indicator that the relationship was serious was when you could openly fart in front of her.

 

truth :lol:

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I always felt that the sure indicator that the relationship was serious was when you could openly fart in front of her.

 

 

Or when she feels comfortable enough to fart in front of you.

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I was on a date with a girl that I really liked. I had to fart really bad, but I had held it for a while so I was about ready to burst. I got out of the car and thought I would release it while I walked around the back of the car on the way to opening the car door for her. I couldn't get that fart out fast enough. It released just after I opened the car door for her. The sound and stench were incredible.

 

I'll never forget that day. Needless to say that was my last date with her.

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Anyone else here even been at a new girlfriend or acquaintance's place and had to take a dump (thank goodness for sprays and bathroom fans), and tried to ease it out to keep a massive fart from blaring out? It is an entirely futile effort that only results in an even louder pressurized explosion.

 

Not that big of deal, but it is rather emasculating when you walk out to an awkward look over you letting off a loud warning signal, and erasing any doubt of what you were doing in there...

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Anyone else here even been at a new girlfriend or acquaintance's place and had to take a dump (thank goodness for sprays and bathroom fans), and tried to ease it out to keep a massive fart from blaring out? It is an entirely futile effort that only results in an even louder pressurized explosion.

 

I had such a bad case one night at a hot chicks apt. that I actually forfeited a sure fire layin', excused myself, and went home :what:

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My little boy calls farting "spray"

 

 

Farting in company is called "crop dusting".

 

I also agree with you Cliaz, I owned the Fart Machine that i heard about through the Howard Stern show that brought about many hysterical moments. One year on a vacation to Florida, I was sitting outside my room at Caribbean Beach Resort and I planted the machine behind a bench and under a decorative garbage cover but where it could still be heard clearly. I waited for couple to sit with their arms around one another and I would press the button. One woman actually slapped her husband after hearing the fart. Great times. I also have a farting app on my phone that can be used in a motion sensor setting, which creates some really funny moments.

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Anyone else here even been at a new girlfriend or acquaintance's place and had to take a dump (thank goodness for sprays and bathroom fans), and tried to ease it out to keep a massive fart from blaring out? It is an entirely futile effort that only results in an even louder pressurized explosion.

 

Not that big of deal, but it is rather emasculating when you walk out to an awkward look over you letting off a loud warning signal, and erasing any doubt of what you were doing in there...

 

 

I remember one of the first nights I stayed at a girls house, and the next morning had to take a massive dump. Ended up telling her I had to go gas up the car and went to the McDonalds down the street and took care of business.

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I remember one of the first nights I stayed at a girls house, and the next morning had to take a massive dump. Ended up telling her I had to go gas up the car and went to the McDonalds down the street and took care of business.

 

Like a boss

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I've sneezed in a meeting which forced out a loud bang one

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I remember taking the Presidential Fitness test (or whatever it was called--doubt they still do it) back in 6th or 7th grade and doing the sit-up part of it. I was in great shape at that age and could pound out sit-ups all day long faster than you could count. Some nerd drew the unlucky straw to hold my feet while I performed the test. I literally farted every single sit-up during the entire test. The whole class was laughing watching this. I was laughing so hard the whole time --- not so much from the farts --- but the nerd that was holding my feet never let go and didn't even flinch once. I can still see his face while I bobbed up and down rhythmically farting and laughing my head off at each one. I don't know what the world record was for consecutive quick farting, but I coulda been a contender.

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I won a farting contest with Tom Arnold on set of a movie. My flatulism ability in the industry is second to none.

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My flatulism ability in the industry is second to none.

 

 

You should re-brand yourself.

 

Call yourself:

 

The Fartist Previously Known As Taz.

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