Azazello1313 Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Third-shift electronics cashier Lena Johnston first noticed Spears rifling through the country CD section and filling a grocery cart with at least 100 discs before leaving the department. She thought he was just a rabid music fan until he returned 15 minutes later with the same cart and began slipping CDs back onto the shelves while looking around suspiciously. Johnston walked over to Spears and asked if he’d decided not to make the massive music purchase. Spears responded “Yeah, yeah uh, yes ma’am” and began sweating profusely. He became spooked shortly afterwards and haphazardly threw the remainder of his CDs on the shelf before walking away. Johnston investigated the country section and noticed that it was full of unwrapped, well-worn CDs that Spears had apparently brought from his home. Spears was apprehended by security, mostly without incident, before leaving the store. “I looked on the shelf and where Rascal Flatts was supposed to be, that scruffy looking man had put Flatt & Smugs or something like that… and where Taylor Swift had been, he’d replaced it with Tanya Tucker. I guess he’d stole all them new CDs and tried to replace ‘em with his old junk,” said a perplexed Johnston. Fresh out on bail, Mr. Spears had a far different story. “I didn’t shoplift nothin’. I told the cops they could find all that country pop bullsh*t in the Rubbermaid garbage cans in home wares… where that crap belongs,” said Spears. “I was just trying to give the people around here some damn culture, so I brought my whole collection up here to give away for free. Of course, I’ve got it all ripped on my laptop. My alphabetizing skills might be lacking, but I ain’t stupid.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clubfoothead Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Flatt & Smuggs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azazello1313 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 Flatt & Smuggs that's when I knew it was a fake story, but it didn't really dull my amusement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clubfoothead Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 that's when I knew it was a fake story, but it didn't really dull my amusement. RNC should trademark that on the off chance Bachman and Pawlenty are the ticket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loaf Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I forwarded that to a few folks in the office this morning. hilarious Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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