Tell a Joke Thread

[rocknrobn26]

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he

needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to

take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to

use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will

allow you to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight,

but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

[gerry.harris]

Disclaimer: This is in no way intended to be a racist joke, but rather a joke against the two people involved only.

 

 

A teacher invited The Reverend Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton to visit with her classroom and talk to the children. When they arrived, Reverend Jackson asked the teacher what they were learning. The teacher said that they were studying vocabulary and today's word was "tragedy".

 

Al Sharpton said, "O.K. class, who can tell me an example of a tragedy?"

A little boy raised his hand and said, "If my dad took me hunting and he walked in front of me as I was shooting at a deer and he was shot and killed, that would be a tragedy."

 

Reverend Jackson replied, "Well, we would not call that a tragedy, that would be an accident."

So, a little girl raised her hand and said, "If a bus full of children ran off of a cliff and they all were killed, that would be a tragedy."

 

Al Sharpton said, "No, not a tragedy. We would call that a great loss."

 

So, little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Reverend Jackson, if you and Al Sharpton were in a plane and it got shot down buy a missle and you both died, that would be a tragedy."

 

Rev. Jackson said, "Yes, exactly. That would be a tragedy. Johnny, could you tell the class why that would be a tragedy?"

 

Little Johnny replied, "Because it probally wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell would not be a great loss!"

[spain]

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"

 

The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde.

 

The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

 

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

[spain]

A middle aged man walks into the bank and says to the young teller, "I want to open a f@cking checking account".

 

"Please sir", she replies, "we can't have language like that in here."

 

"Why the F@ck not?" he asked. "Sir," Came her retort, "I must ask you to refrain from swearing."

 

"I don't give a sh1t what you want," he answers, "I just want to open a f@cking checking account."

 

With this the teller leaves and returns in a moment with her branch manager. The manager asks if he might be able to help the gentleman. "Sh1t! yes",

 

came the reply, "I just won 14 million dollars in the lottery and want to open a f@cking checking account."

 

The branch manager says, "I see, and this stupid, f@cking, bi@tch is giving you a hard time?"

Edited June 16, 2007 by spain

[spain]

A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club.

 

One day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoo's all over his arms answers. She proclaims, "I want to join your club." The guy was amused, but says she need to meet certain biker requirements in order to join.

 

The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"

 

The little old lady replies, "Yep, my bike's parked over there." and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.

 

The biker asks, "Do you drink?"

 

The little old lady replies, "Yep, drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."

 

The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"

 

The little old lady replies, "Yep, smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigs and 3 joints a day and a couple of cigars in the evening while I'm shooting pool."

 

The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

 

The little old lady thinks for a minutes and says, "Nope, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."

[PantherDave]

The Panthers 2006 season......best joke in quite awhile from where I was sitting.....what a laugher.