Duchess Jack Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 but it makes me laugh every time.... happy Friday Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Cid Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 <Peter>Sweet</Peter> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duchess Jack Posted July 6, 2007 Author Share Posted July 6, 2007 A little old lady wanted to join a biker club. She knocked on the door of a local biker club and a big, hairy, bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door. She proclaimed, "I want to join your biker club." The guy was amused and told her that she needed to meet certain biker requirements before she was allowed to join. So the biker asked her, "You have a bike?" The little old lady said, "Yeah, that's my Harley over there," and points to a Harley parked in the driveway. The biker asked her, "Do you smoke?" The little old lady said, "Yeah, I smoke. I smoke four packs of cigarettes a day and a couple of cigars while I'm shooting pool." The biker was impressed and asked, "Well, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The little old lady said, "No, I've never been picked up by the fuzz, but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duchess Jack Posted July 6, 2007 Author Share Posted July 6, 2007 The Four Ghosts of the White House One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what''s the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away... The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight... The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist... Bush isn''t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?" Lincoln replies, "Go see a play." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duchess Jack Posted July 6, 2007 Author Share Posted July 6, 2007 What did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 What did the leper say to the hooker? Keep the tip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duchess Jack Posted July 6, 2007 Author Share Posted July 6, 2007 Little Johnny's homework assignment is to think of a true story with a moral so he goes home and thinks about it all night and finally has one. The following day the teacher asks the teacher , Little Johnny is in school one day when the teacher is teaching about stories with morals. She asks the class… does anyone here have a story with a moral? All the kids raise their hand… little Johnny raises his hand… but she does not want to pick little Johnny – something is bound to happen – so she picks little Suzy. Little Suzy stands and says. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral to the story and Suzy replies, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." She says “Very good little Suzy… anyone else” the kids raise their hands.. little Johnny raises his hand.. but again… bad idea to pick little Johnny, so she picks little Leroy… Little Leroy stands and says “Well, my dad owns a farm, too, and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched. The moral is, don't count your chicks before they are hatched.'' She congratulates him and moves on to the next kid. Well this keeps on going and going and going until there is only little Johnny left…. So she sighs and says… “Little Johnny?” Little Johnny - the last to speak – stands and says ''My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam War. His plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, with only a parachute, a bottle of bourbon, a machine gun, and a machete. As he floated down he drank the bottle of bourbon. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 North Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade broke on his machete, so he killed the last 10 with his bare hands.'' The teacher looks in shock at Johnny and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Little Johnny replies, "Don't f**k with my Uncle Ted when he's been drinking.'' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duchess Jack Posted July 6, 2007 Author Share Posted July 6, 2007 Little Johnny is in school one day when the teacher is teaching the alphabet. “Okay children” she says “I am going to say a letter and you tell me a word that starts with the letter. I will start… ‘A’ … Apple. Now its your turn” The teacher says “B”. All the kids raise their hand, Little Johnny raises his hand… but she can only imagine the ‘B’ word he’d choose. So she calls on little Leroy… Little Leroy says “B – Ball” Teacher says, very good Leroy…. Next up is ‘C’ All the kids raise their hand, Little Johnny raises his hand… but its pretty clear to her in what direction Little Johnny will go with the ‘C’ So she calls on little Suzy… Little Suzy says “C – Cat” Teacher says, very good Suzy…. Next up is ‘D’ All the kids raise their hand, Little Johnny raises his hand… but once again, it does not take too much imagination to see which way Johnny is going to go with this one. So she calls on little Jackie… Little Jackie says “D – Drawer” Teacher says, very good Jackie…. Well this goes on and on and on until she gets to ‘R’ and the only person left is Johnny. She thinks…. ‘R?”…… “R?”….. How bad could it be? She has to pick him…. And ‘R’ seems harmless enough…. So she sighs and call on him… “Johnny, do you have an ‘R’ word?” Johnny stands and clears his throat. “R… Rat…. A big fat fu**king rat with a c*ck this long!!!” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aqualung Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 Bush isn''t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?" Lincoln replies, "Go see a play." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowboutthemCowboys Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 The Four Ghosts of the White House One night, George W. Bush is tossing restlessly in his White House bed. He awakens to see George Washington standing by him Bush asks him, "George, what''s the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises, and then fades away... The next night, Bush is astir again, and sees the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moving through the darkened bedroom. Bush calls out, "Tom, please! What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Respect the Constitution, as I did," Jefferson advises, and dims from sight... The third night sleep still does not come for Bush. He awakens to see the ghost of FDR hovering over his bed. Bush whispers, "Franklin, What is the best thing I can do to help the country?" "Help the less fortunate, just as I did," FDR replies and fades into the mist... Bush isn''t sleeping well the fourth night when he sees another figure moving in the shadows. It is the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. Bush pleads, "Abe, what is the best thing I can do right now to help the country?" Lincoln replies, "Go see a play." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.