Traveling

[Hat Trick]

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when East Coasters

and Californians drive across states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana,

Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North

Dakota, and South Dakota, Oklahoma, and Texas, those states' Tourism

Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.

 

 

 

 

 

In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest , the following

list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

 

 

 

 

 

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin likely did more work

before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

 

 

2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're

going to get dust on your car.

 

 

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.

Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

 

 

4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a

flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those

little trout you fish for...bait.

 

 

5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

 

 

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their

final approach, we will shoot it! You might hope you don't have it up

to your ear at the time.

 

 

7. No, there's no 'Vegetarian Special' on the menu. Order steak.

Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two

pounds of ham and turkey.

 

 

8. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served

over ice.

 

 

9. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends?

We're real impressed. We have a quarter-million dollar combine that we

only use two weeks a year.

 

 

10. Let's get this straight - We have one stoplight in town. We stop

when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

 

 

11. Our women hunt,

fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a

feminist........Isn't that cute.

 

 

12. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi

and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

 

 

13. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't

like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates 29, 35, & 69

go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

 

 

 

14. The 'Opener'

refers to the first day of deer season. It's like a religious holiday.

You can get breakfast at the church.

 

 

15. So every person in every pickup waves It's called being friendly.

Understand the concept?

 

 

16. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard, it

spooks our fish.

 

 

17. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving

like an idiot, his name is 'Sir'. No matter how old he is.

 

 

 

18. The

bill on your baseball cap should turn down at the edges to shed the rain

and be centered over your nose to keep the sunlight out of your eyes.

Any other location/orientation makes you look like an idiot.

 

 

19. We also speak ENGLISH here, speak it or go away.

[Big John]

 

Not the same, but taken off this Tennessee guide