Groaners

[muck]

1. The roundest knight at King Arthurs Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

 

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

 

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

 

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 

5. The butcher b acked into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

 

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, itll still be stationery.

 

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

 

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

 

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

 

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

 

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

 

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, You stay here, I'll go on a head.

 

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, Keep off the Grass.

 

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, No change yet.

 

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 

19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 

20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

 

21 A backward poet writes inverse.

 

22. In a democracy, its your vote that counts. In feudalism, its your count that votes.

 

23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

 

24. Dont join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!

Edited August 5, 2009 by muck