Hugh 0ne Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 > > It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have > > turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the > > children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early > > dismissal. > > > > Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can > > leave early today." > > > > Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart > > and will answer the question." > > > > Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" > > > > Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." > > > > Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." > > > > Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. > > > > Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" > > > > Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." > > > > Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." > > > > Johnny is even madder than before. > > > > Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" > > > > Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." > > > > Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave." > > > > Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the > > questions. > > > > When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would > > keep their mouths shut!" > > > > The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?" > > > > Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mucca Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 One More Fox News and CNN have reported that Elin Nordegren-Woods moved to the top of the money list on the PGA Tour yesterday, after 'BEATING' the Worlds #1 golfer. The news came after the Worlds #1 golfer inadvertenltly played the wrong holes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 4 days ago Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Mucca Posted December 18, 2009 Share Posted December 18, 2009 Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one. What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards. Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par. What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing!!! Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron. Ping just offered Elin Woods an endorsement contract pushing her own set of drivers. They said they want to advertise them with the slogan: "clubs you can beat Tiger with." Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family--his new name?: Cheetah Since Tiger drives an Escalade, can he blame the accident on his caddy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackass Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I'm just thinking when Tiger comes back, the hecklers with be screaming "Cheetah". That's gonna piss him off so much. I can almost see him eventually snapping and chasing after fans with a golf club. Ok, maybe not that last part, but still... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 What's the difference between Tiger Woods' house and his Escalade? The white airbag in the Escalade didn't blow up and hit him in the face. Tigers Attorneys issued the following statement: "Mr. Woods would like to take a mulligan." When asked how the recent car accident/beat down had affected his playing ability, tiger said, "well, my long game is still pretty good. i just need to focus on getting my putz down." My Fave: Tiger and Elin have signed a new prenuptual agreement. According to the new contract, the next time Tiger plays a round, Elin will hand him his balls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bpwallace49 Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 I'm just thinking when Tiger comes back, the hecklers with be screaming "Cheetah". That's gonna piss him off so much. I can almost see him eventually snapping and chasing after fans with a golf club. Ok, maybe not that last part, but still... That . Would. Be. AWESOME. See him going "happy Gilmore" and chasing a guy around the golf course . . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted December 19, 2009 Share Posted December 19, 2009 One More Fox News and CNN have reported that Elin Nordegren-Woods moved to the top of the money list on the PGA Tour yesterday, after 'BEATING' the Worlds #1 golfer. The news came after the Worlds #1 golfer inadvertenltly played the wrong holes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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