Big F'n Dave Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Top Four Adult Jokes of 2009 Fourth Place: A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221..' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Third Place : One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Runner Up: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked. 'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?' 'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed. 'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My God, Bill, what happened?' 'I got fired.' 'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Winner: A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.' 'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..' 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times..' Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. 'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.' 'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowboutthemCowboys Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Classics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted February 11, 2010 Share Posted February 11, 2010 Top Four Adult Jokes of the 1980s Fixed Good ones though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buddahj Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 Heard 'em all at one time or another, but they made me chuckle nonetheless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loaf Posted February 12, 2010 Share Posted February 12, 2010 1st time for all of them. loved'em Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duchess Jack Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 Nice collection. Its rare to have so few misses. Ironically, I found the winner to be the worst of them - but it was still 'alright'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matt770 Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of teddy bears, but she was quite impressed by his sensitive side. Of course she did not mention this to him. They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom, where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy, passionate love. She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?" The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says: "Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avernus Posted February 15, 2010 Share Posted February 15, 2010 I'm a sucker for blond jokes if anyone has something new... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.