This is so hot

[cliaz]

Cliaz will probably rub one out to this.

 

 

66 times

 

 

I remember riding on the Orange line and the train stopped underground. We're sitting there...5 minutes pass, then 10, then 30, then 45 and it keeps getting warmer and warmer in side the train. Then a sharp, piercing cramp hit my tummy. Oh no. I could feel the Wanabi trouts taking hold of my bowels and I was trapped in a train with a million other people and couldn't get it. It was hellish. I'm pretty sure I packed on 3 pounds of butthole muscle that day simply by straining to keep it closed.

[theprofessor]

Spent the day out with some buds watching the games, and enjoying some beverages & wings. I should have been good with the wings, but I had to go ahead and try the house specialty, its Sunday Prime Rib Sandwich, though while spectacular, had a thick cheese on top. I knew it would be trouble.

 

Fast forward to this AM...couple cups of coffee to get things going, kids leave for school, and I troll in to visit my maker, newspaper in hand. I thought sure it would be a quick satisfying visit, especially with the coffee rejuvenating the wing sauce from late yesterday afternoon. 5 minutes, and things begin to stir. I could tell it was going to be larger than usual, as my internal gurgling was north of my sternum. I braced myself. Nothing. I put forth a better effort by leveraging myself on the adjacent wall, feet firmly planted. I could feel the head of the beast push forth. One more strain, I thought, should do the trick. With a mighty effort, I bore down, face red, beads of sweat forming at the brow. After several seconds, an explosion not unlike those described to me by my grandfather who fought in both WWII was experienced. I was frightened to look, as the relieved pressure on my lower abdomen could likely only be matched by the destruction that awaited me in the bowl below. I worked up my courage, feeling a bit like a passerby witnessing a car accident: while I knew it would be bad, I just had to see. I wish I hadn't Below was a softball-sized lump, surrounded by an orangey froth likely made that way from the hot sauce. The odor was more than I could bear..in cartoon-like fashion, I could almost see it emitting from the bowl. I quickly composed myself, as I had to clean-up and get as far away as possible. Knwoing that I couldn't risk a clog by adding paper to the demon already in the bowl, I flushed first. Trouble. A formidable foe, he wasn't going anywhere. As the water slowly made its way beneath the obstruction, the orangey froth was now coating the side of the bowl. I needed to flush again quickly before risking corrosion to the sidewall, but I knew the more I prolonged clean-up the crusiter things would become. I flushed, hoping for the best, and in shocking fashion, the oceans parted, and I waved goodbye to my little friend. While it took several minutes of dedicated scrubbing to get myself back together, I can honestly say it might have been the most satisfying session of my adult life.

 

Had I only allowed myself time for a well-deserved nap, my day would be complete.

 

That, my friends, has a chance to be in the Top 3 posts of the year. Well done. LMFAO!