You know what this place has been missing for years?

[cliaz]

Old School Tailgate Cliaz. I'm bringing him back. For your entertainment tonight, random text messages from Texts from Last Night website. Enjoy and have a laugh:

 

 

(301):

the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"

 

(832):

The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.

 

(907):

There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.

 

(630):

you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.

 

(512):

turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce

 

(412):

She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

 

(760):

You did not just play the dead husband card again.

 

(510):

He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

 

(902):

Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.

 

(413):

I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...

 

(404):

dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere

 

(201):

I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.

 

(401):

My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets". (I want it)

 

(931):

Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

 

(602):

When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.

 

(678):

Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.

 

(224):

i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.

 

(865):

Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.

 

[this is a back and forth one]

 

(203):

Is it bad that I stopped wanting to when I wore my first dress her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?

 

(1-203):

I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.

 

(216):

you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...

 

(724):

his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless

 

(780):

Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.

 

(310):

based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

 

(314):

Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up poopyfaced.

 

[this is a back and forth one]

 

(610):

At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?

 

(856):

Right after we had the just friends talk..

[cliaz]

 

(239):

 

just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one

[cliaz]

 

(908):

 

how was last night?

(1-908):

 

i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

[Egret]

And I, for one, welcome our new tailgate overlord.

[buddahj]

Nice...