A little levity to ease the tension around here...

[rocknrobn26]

A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"

The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."

The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes."

 

Add more if you wish.

[CowboysDiehard]

A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

 

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

 

Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

 

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!

[buddahj]

This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

 

The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”

 

“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

 

The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

 

“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

 

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

 

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

 

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

[CowboysDiehard]

This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification.

 

The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.”

 

“Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop.

 

The blonde takes out a pocket mirror and says, “I do have this picture of me.”

 

“Let me see it,” says the cop. She holds up the mirror and looks in it. Then she says, “Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have stopped you.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

 

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."

 

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

 

The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

 

DAMN those look familiar!

[buddahj]

How a blonde eats a banana

[SEC=UGA]

Who needs levity. I'm in Vegas Bitches!

[Big Country]

Who needs levity. I'm in Vegas Bitches!

 

You're a week early dumbass

[Double Agent]

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

 

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

 

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch."