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The Bears Defense Will Punch Your Stupid Face


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This is hilarious......Even if it was published 11/28/05, it still applies and is funny!




"What's up NFC? How do you like that? The Chicago Bears own you. That's right, their defense is more awesome than the most awesome of things ever. Even village idiot Sean Salisbury ranks them as the #2 team in the NFC. Of course, they're actually #1, but he's confused because he's legally retarded. He thinks the Seahawks are #1, but that's stupid, because they are just birds and birds can't beat bears. If they were the Seattle Dragons or the Seattle GreatWhiteSharkCrocodileCougars, then maybe it would be a fair fight. But as it stands now, the Bears would eat the Seahawks then punch their wives in the uteri. They would hit Shaun Alexander so hard his teeth would straighten. So would Michael Strahan's. That's how hard they hit.


Furthermore, Alex Brown = maneater. That means he eats men. Sure you can giggle and think "he eats men, that's dirty" but then he'll punch you in the kidney with his oversized supersonic fist. Then you will cry. Ask Chris Smimms. He's currently crying. That's right, I called him Smimms. Why? Why not? He's soft. Ask Steve Young. He's tough as nails. He can tell you all about it. Because when you throw left handed, apparently you're a bad-######, no matter how much gel you use in your hair.


But back to the Bears. Their defense is so awesome, 8 million naked supermodels holding whiskey and midgets wouldn't be as awesome as them. Brian Urlacher and Adewale Ogunleye are like Batman and Robin, that is, if Robin were black and had the strength of 350,000 men. Because that's what it's like when he hits you. You're like, "ow, I think I just got hit by a lot of people." That's because you did, sucka.


So NFC and heck, AFC too, you better watch out. Because the Bears are nastisimo. That's spanish for "gonna getcha". And when you start talking Spanish, that means business. And the Bears business is eating you with their mighty defense, Gary Fencick-style. So, you better cover your faces NFL, because the Bears are coming to town and you're about to get punched like it's 1985. "


Gooooooo Bearsssssssss!






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