Sgt. Ryan Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 (edited) Rules to Enter Texas: Applies to each person as they enter Texas. Learn & remember: East Coast and California-types pay particular attention! 1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot. 2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slowly you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 3. They are cattle & oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-20 and I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north. Pick one. 4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only 3 weeks a year. 5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. 9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age. 10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey. 11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes:! meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio! 12. You bring "coke" in to my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 13. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks are where you come from, and a site more fun to watch. 14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish. 15. Colleges? Try Texas, Texas A&M , Texas Tech or Baylor They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come for the holidays. 16. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, than any other state, so "Don't Mess with Texas" If you do, it will get you whipped by the best. 17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States can't make it without Texas Edited March 24, 2006 by Sgt. Ryan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 12. You bring "coke" in to my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.1386243[/snapback] Didn't you guys elect Bush as governor? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt. Ryan Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Didn't you guys elect Bush as governor? 1386248[/snapback] Yeah and the other 49 states elected him as president Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted March 24, 2006 Author Share Posted March 24, 2006 Yeah and the other 49 states elected him as president 1386252[/snapback] So... I guess Texas digs on the columbian marching powder, after all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
driveby Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 So... I guess Texas digs on the columbian marching powder, after all. 1386261[/snapback] wrong president Gotta get some for my brother. He has a nose like a vacuum cleaner." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Like Soup Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 I have lived in 10 different states, one of which was Texas. When I first moved there, I was wary of all the "Texas is the greatest place to live" broohaha and just thought it was some kind of machismo BS. After living there for 7 years, I can safely say...Texas is the best place I've lived. The people are so friendly and to me, the most American place I've been, if that makes any sense. And like I said, I've been all over this great country...not just lived in one or two areas. <Snatch> Now...fu[/bck off. <Snatch> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I Like Soup Posted March 24, 2006 Share Posted March 24, 2006 Oh yeah...and I can't believe they are doing the arrest in the bar thing. What happened to the sport of catching the drunks on the road? And yes, Texas still has dry counties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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