Some jokes

[DMD]

Three bucks

Three bucks are in a mountain meadow complaining. They've heard a rumor that a huge buck has entered their area, and they aren't happy about sharing any of their does.

 

The Alpha buck says, "You know, since we settled our differences and split up the does, I've been pretty happy with MY 30 does. I am not about to share any of MY does with this new buck."

 

The second toughest buck says, "Yeah, well I ended up with only 20 does, so I can't afford to share any of MY does."

 

The youngest buck says, "I may only be half as big as you guys, but I'm not going to give up any of My 10 does."

 

Suddenly the biggest, baddest buck they had ever seen appeared at the edge of the meadow. He must have weighed close to 375 pounds and with huge sweeping antlers. As the huge buck trotted towards the three other bucks the ground seemed to shake.

 

Suddenly the former Alpha buck is a bit more flexible, "Well, maybe I could spare a FEW does."

 

The second toughest buck says, "Maybe if I hide in the bushes, he'll leave me alone."

 

But the small, young buck is snorting, raking the brush and shaking his fledgling antlers in an extremely confrontational way.

 

Worried about the reckless youngster, the two older bucks trot over to the young buck and say, "Listen, son. It's not worth dying for. Just give the new buck your 10 does."

 

"He can HAVE my 10 does," replies the young buck, raking the brush and shaking his fledgling antlers again. "I'm just making sure he knows I'm a BUCK!"

 

 

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Two men go hunting

 

Two men from the states were very excited about a 3 day hunting trip. They were going to Canada to hunt some big game animals, since they were just used to hunting small deer, rabbit, and squirrel in the states. The first day the game warden wished them luck cause it hadn't been a good season and no one had killed anything in two weeks.

 

The two men left to go hunting and when they came back that night the warden greeted them by saying, "Have any luck?" The men pulled up a huge buck that they had killed which had a bullet hole right between the eyes. The warden congratulated them and said, "That was one heck of a shot."

 

The next day the warden greeted the two men again before they left and again wished them luck. This night the men came back with an even bigger buck and the buck also had a bullet hole right between the eyes. The warden was amazed at their success and also the good aim the hunters had.

 

The last day went about the same as the first two and on the last night the two hunters came back with a huge grizzly bear. The bear also had a bullet hole right between the eyes but it also had a hole in each paw. The warden noticed this and questioned the two men how that happened. One of the hunters replied with, "That's where he tried to cover his eyes from the spot light."

 

 

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A man was recently stopped by a game warden in northern Missouri. The fellow carrying two buckets of fish, was leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asks the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish? If you don't, I'm going too have to impound them and arrest you." The man replied to the game warden, "No sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" the warden replied. "Yes sir. Every night I bring these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. Then I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and we go home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you it really works." "OK I've got to see this" (he was really curious now) The man poured the fish into the lake and stood there waiting. "When are you going to call them back?" the warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The fish" the warden said. "What fish?" the man asked

 

 

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed. "You lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me." "But grandpa, I really don't like guns. Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead." "Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man. Whadda you gonna do then......pointa to you watch and a say, Times Up?" "

 

A tough old Montana cowboy once told his grandson that, if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren ... and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. "

 

Ten reasons why a gun is better than a wife

 

#10 - YOU CAN TRADE AN OLD 44 FOR A NEW 22.

#9 - YOU CAN KEEP ONE HANDGUN AT HOME, AND HAVE ANOTHER FOR WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD.

#8 - IF YOU ADMIRE A FRIEND'S HANDGUN, AND TELL HIM SO, HE WILL PROBABLY LET YOU TRY IT OUT A FEW TIMES.

#7 - YOUR PRIMARY HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU KEEP ANOTHER HANDGUN FOR A BACK UP.

#6 - YOUR HANDGUN WILL STAY WITH YOU EVEN IF YOU RUN OUT OF AMMO.

#5 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T TAKE UP A LOT OF CLOSET SPACE.

#4 - HANDGUNS FUNCTION NORMALLY EVERY DAY OF THE MONTH.

#3 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T ASK, "DO THESE NEW GRIPS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

#2 - A HANDGUN DOESN'T MIND IF YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU USE IT.

And, the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman... #1 - YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN !!! "

 

2 deer hunters

 

Two hunters went deer hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female deer costume and learned the mating call of a female deer.

 

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the buck, then come out of the costume and shoot the buck. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the deer love call.

 

Before long, their call was answered as a huge buck came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

 

When the buck was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him." After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"

 

The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."

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4 deer hunters

 

Four friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an ten-point buck.

 

"Where's Billy Bob?"

 

"Billy Bob had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."

 

"You left Billy Bob laying out there and carried the deer back?"

 

"A tough call," nodded the hunter "but I figured no one, in their right mind, is going to steal Billy Bob."

[darin3]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[nuke'em ttg]

just read the 1st one ............ ....... little dude is hilarious .. ...