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When breaking up


MojoMan
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Since I'm such an irascible jackass, all of my relationships end up going down the tubes at some point. I'm nearing that point again.

 

Question for the forum, is it better to be the dumpee or dumper? NB: This is solely from the perspective of future relationships. I'm not 16 where a great deal of my self esteem will be lost by being dumped. Been there, done that, and there will be other relationships.

 

Pros for being the dumpee - you're seen as the victim, women are afraid to be dumped so they prefer a dumpee

 

Pros for being the dumper - you're in control, future GFs won't think you were a Veronicawhipped loser

 

What say ye?

 

This one is easy… it doesn’t matter. When a relationship is over it makes no difference who ends it. The way it ends makes all the difference. If you want to end it, just tell the truth and be done with it. If you think it’s going to end and this a pre-emptive strike, then ask for the truth and let it end based on the truth, or, save it based on her response. If you want out, get out now. Whatever happens, one last jab doesn’t do anything but change your options later. Just package it all up, confront the truth, and walk away wishing her all the best. If you decide it’s over, there’s really no point in talking about it once that decision is reached, unless you’re dumping her, because you owe her that. If she breaks up with you when you have the “We need to talk” moment, maintain ending the conversation as quickly as possible and walk away. What goes around comes around, and sometimes things change when a year or two passes. Sometimes they don’t change, but that’s another story. Just drop off the key Lee, and get yourself free.

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Dumper is way easier. All you have to deal with is the guilt of making someone you usually care about feel bad, but otherwise you hold all the power and can move on with life. The dumpee has little power, feels helpless, and often their self worth (rightfully so or not) takes a huge hit for a period of time.

 

I've been on both sides and it's not even close: I'll be the dumper any day of the week over being the dumpee.

Edited by TDFFFreak
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