Cheating Spouse

[polksalet]

She went back to him over and over with guilt. Which means she wanted what she had but something was not right with that. It's a dog eat dog world. If you don't take care of your woman someone else will. If you can say you loved her with all your heart and always showed her love and attention and never neglected her I would say walk. But you already stated you are the alpha-male. On the other hand. She is neglected by you and you put her attention she wants on the back burner................. I would say this all makes sense. I didn't read all 120 post. So if someone already said this..............then I am sorry for reposting this. If you betrayed her emotionally and mentally, do you think she is wrong for betraying you? Even though as a male it's harder to swallow someone else as another male being in your territory. Or maybe someone has a denial problem and will let this marriage die before admitting it was their fault. Which is more sad then the story this topic was started in. Alpha-Male? I hope pride doesn't get the better of you. Sounds like she loves you alot and really wants this to work. If you put as much effort into this marriage as you do your pride you wouldn't be in this situation. Sad thing is, can you tell your kids the reason for divorce is because daddy neglected momma so much, she went to someone else to make her feel the way he should have and he wasn't man enough to realize he caused all this from the beginning. I feel for your wife more then I do for you. She should have left you before she cheated. I don't blame her for thinking for herself and the kids at the same time. She can do better then you and you think if you are the alpha-male the next marriage will be better. It will turn out the same way. You will neglect her to the point she leaves you or cheats on you. It's not bad luck you have. Maybe you are not challenged enough in your home life. Nothing exciting about a repetitious life. Just sit there and watch TV all night barely know your family exist cuz your wife is doing everything while you tune the world out. Cooks, Cleans, probably mows the yard for you. Probably takes the trash out. Feeds the animals and raises the kids while you play the "alpha-male" role. What would she post on this board about what happened to her prior to her cheating on you? Think about that.

 

From me to you. We all have our ways. I am the same as you in so many ways. I have grown up so much this year. My four month old son has weaken the tough guy in me. I was such a bad arse before he was born. I have treated my wife like she was on the back burner and cheated on her. She has stayed with me. I have never had anybody fight for me like she has. Put up with me on a daily basis. What did I give in return? Nothing. So, I am learning everyday how to be the man she deserves. I will be more then happy to talk in PM if you really want this marriage to work. I just hope the day you realize you need to grow up, she is still there waiting for you. Good Luck.

 

By the way there is a movie called "The Story of US". With Bruce Willis. If you haven't seen it............. It's worth watching.

 

how long have you had the ghey?

[Swampnuts]

She went back to him over and over with guilt. Which means she wanted what she had but something was not right with that. It's a dog eat dog world. If you don't take care of your woman someone else will. If you can say you loved her with all your heart and always showed her love and attention and never neglected her I would say walk. But you already stated you are the alpha-male. On the other hand. She is neglected by you and you put her attention she wants on the back burner................. I would say this all makes sense. I didn't read all 120 post. So if someone already said this..............then I am sorry for reposting this. If you betrayed her emotionally and mentally, do you think she is wrong for betraying you? Even though as a male it's harder to swallow someone else as another male being in your territory. Or maybe someone has a denial problem and will let this marriage die before admitting it was their fault. Which is more sad then the story this topic was started in. Alpha-Male? I hope pride doesn't get the better of you. Sounds like she loves you alot and really wants this to work. If you put as much effort into this marriage as you do your pride you wouldn't be in this situation. Sad thing is, can you tell your kids the reason for divorce is because daddy neglected momma so much, she went to someone else to make her feel the way he should have and he wasn't man enough to realize he caused all this from the beginning. I feel for your wife more then I do for you. She should have left you before she cheated. I don't blame her for thinking for herself and the kids at the same time. She can do better then you and you think if you are the alpha-male the next marriage will be better. It will turn out the same way. You will neglect her to the point she leaves you or cheats on you. It's not bad luck you have. Maybe you are not challenged enough in your home life. Nothing exciting about a repetitious life. Just sit there and watch TV all night barely know your family exist cuz your wife is doing everything while you tune the world out. Cooks, Cleans, probably mows the yard for you. Probably takes the trash out. Feeds the animals and raises the kids while you play the "alpha-male" role. What would she post on this board about what happened to her prior to her cheating on you? Think about that.

 

From me to you. We all have our ways. I am the same as you in so many ways. I have grown up so much this year. My four month old son has weaken the tough guy in me. I was such a bad arse before he was born. I have treated my wife like she was on the back burner and cheated on her. She has stayed with me. I have never had anybody fight for me like she has. Put up with me on a daily basis. What did I give in return? Nothing. So, I am learning everyday how to be the man she deserves. I will be more then happy to talk in PM if you really want this marriage to work. I just hope the day you realize you need to grow up, she is still there waiting for you. Good Luck.

 

By the way there is a movie called "The Story of US". With Bruce Willis. If you haven't seen it............. It's worth watching.

 

These are some pretty strong opinions about someone you don't know, especially since you haven't read the whole thread.

[Thews40]

Dude.... sorry . I’ve seen that movie too, but just sort of different. The bottom line was whether or not I could ever trust her again. The answer was no, and I moved on. If I were to give you any advice, it would be to picture where you and your kids will be 10 years from now. Once they all move out, will you follow them? This is a dealbreaker… it can’t ever be right again IMO. Good luck, but if you stay with her for the kids, they will ultimately suffer.

[Brent]

She went back to him over and over with guilt. Which means she wanted what she had but something was not right with that. It's a dog eat dog world. If you don't take care of your woman someone else will. If you can say you loved her with all your heart and always showed her love and attention and never neglected her I would say walk. But you already stated you are the alpha-male. On the other hand. She is neglected by you and you put her attention she wants on the back burner................. I would say this all makes sense. I didn't read all 120 post. So if someone already said this..............then I am sorry for reposting this. If you betrayed her emotionally and mentally, do you think she is wrong for betraying you? Even though as a male it's harder to swallow someone else as another male being in your territory. Or maybe someone has a denial problem and will let this marriage die before admitting it was their fault. Which is more sad then the story this topic was started in. Alpha-Male? I hope pride doesn't get the better of you. Sounds like she loves you alot and really wants this to work. If you put as much effort into this marriage as you do your pride you wouldn't be in this situation. Sad thing is, can you tell your kids the reason for divorce is because daddy neglected momma so much, she went to someone else to make her feel the way he should have and he wasn't man enough to realize he caused all this from the beginning. I feel for your wife more then I do for you. She should have left you before she cheated. I don't blame her for thinking for herself and the kids at the same time. She can do better then you and you think if you are the alpha-male the next marriage will be better. It will turn out the same way. You will neglect her to the point she leaves you or cheats on you. It's not bad luck you have. Maybe you are not challenged enough in your home life. Nothing exciting about a repetitious life. Just sit there and watch TV all night barely know your family exist cuz your wife is doing everything while you tune the world out. Cooks, Cleans, probably mows the yard for you. Probably takes the trash out. Feeds the animals and raises the kids while you play the "alpha-male" role. What would she post on this board about what happened to her prior to her cheating on you? Think about that.

 

From me to you. We all have our ways. I am the same as you in so many ways. I have grown up so much this year. My four month old son has weaken the tough guy in me. I was such a bad arse before he was born. I have treated my wife like she was on the back burner and cheated on her. She has stayed with me. I have never had anybody fight for me like she has. Put up with me on a daily basis. What did I give in return? Nothing. So, I am learning everyday how to be the man she deserves. I will be more then happy to talk in PM if you really want this marriage to work. I just hope the day you realize you need to grow up, she is still there waiting for you. Good Luck.

 

By the way there is a movie called "The Story of US". With Bruce Willis. If you haven't seen it............. It's worth watching.

 

I agree with alot of what you said above. And to be honest, I am trying to reconcile. But I can tell you this, its hard to seek comfort from the one person who has betrayed you the most. We have fought over this over and over, and really as much as I think I love her, Im not sure she can now fulfill my needs. It seems her affair brought her to a new level of intamacy based on what she told me, and a new level of happiness she says. Those are things I wanted for years, but she didnt seem to want that, and now I can see why. Im not saying that had anything to do with me not wanting to be around all the time, but looking back, it played a roll. I can tell you this, I havent seen any where near any of this yet, and Im not sure I can stay knowing how much she gave of herself to another man, and her unwillingness to show me the same things. She says in time it will come, but Im seeking something alot faster than that. The one thing I dont want to do is get over the affair, and then get over a Divorce later. Id rather deal with them both right now, if that seems to be the most likely option. I could start a new relationship and not have the baggage to deal with, but I wouldnt have my kids in my life every day and that is important to me. But I wont live an existance any longer either, like I have for the past few years, even for my kids. I think it may do more damage on them, if we stay but do not act as a happy couple in front of them. That is something we always did, even though I was away so much.

 

Ive made a few sacrifices, but really the decisions were not very difficult at all. Since this happened, I quit a 2nd job, I quit 8 FF leagues, leaving me with 4, which is more than enough. I may have quit them too, but they are Dynasty Leagues, Ive already paid for them, and the rookie draft is long over. I have decided not to play softball at all this fall, freeing up 3 nights to work on things at home, and Im taking a back seat to coaching my kids activities this fall as well. Im actually looking forward to just being a proud Dad of my kids playing, than managing teams of 5 and 7 year olds.

 

I really put this post up not to have people feel sorry for me. Believe me, Ive done enough of that already for all of us. I wanted to know how people who have gone through this, made out. Were they able to reconcile, or was the pain to hard to overcome.

 

Thanks for everyone who has responded. Im not sure Im any closer to knowing anything about my future as I was when I made this post. But I know how great this fellowship can be, as was the case with Aqua Lung, God rest his soul.

 

Thanks

Brent

Edited August 3, 2008 by Brent

[Cunning Runt]

....but I wouldnt have my kids in my life every day.....

 

Dude.

 

I copied this one thing because it goes right to the heart of my earlier post.

 

This is SO not true.

 

You do. I've been there and done that. It's just that it's different. You will talk every day. You'd be there for their events. You'd still do tons of stuff with them. If you wouldn't do all the above, then that's on you. I'm assuming you would and while yes - it sucks, and yes - it's not quite the hand you expected when they were dealt, it's still a very workable thing. Honestly. I've lived this and I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it's not as bad as you think/ Requires a lot more sacrifice and effort, but it can work. Hell, I've passed on number of fantastic opportunities due to my unwillingness to relocate, but I couldn't imagine having made any other choice.

[theeohiostate]

I went through the exact same thing 6+ years ago.

 

We worked it out, had a child and all is well. Sometimes I think about it, but I don't let it ever consume me. There is enough blame to go around when these things happen, you have to go with your heart. No reason to let pride get in the way, this is your life and family.

 

Do what is best for you. In my case, I wouldn't change anything about taking her back.