Ursa Majoris Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. _______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you poopyting me? _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.Can I get a new attorney? ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess. ___________________________________________ _ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. _______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. _________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. Oral Roberts University? And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 I was told these are all for real but I'm not so sure. Damn funny though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted March 29, 2009 Share Posted March 29, 2009 I was told these are all for real but I'm not so sure. Damn funny though. 4 years ago? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ursa Majoris Posted March 29, 2009 Author Share Posted March 29, 2009 4 years ago? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Poke my eyes out with sticks! I have posted the same as Polk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylive5 Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 ..... I have posted the same as Polk. You know, or course, that you will absolutely never live this down don't you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Poke my eyes out with sticks! I have posted the same as Polk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheikYerbuti Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Dave: What does your brother do? Jim: He's a lawyer. Dave: Oh. . . Jim: No no, he's the good kind of lawyer. Dave: Well then, I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted March 30, 2009 Share Posted March 30, 2009 Someone tried to make these funnier since Polk posted them. They failed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T_bone65 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Poke my eyes out with sticks! I have posted the same as Polk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Holy Roller Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Poke my eyes out with sticks! I have posted the same as Polk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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