SteelBunz Posted May 10, 2008 Share Posted May 10, 2008 These were sent by my brother-in-law this morning and MrBunz and I have been chuckling all morning! I NEVER forward stuff in emails....but these are FWD worthy. Enjoy! And......Happy Mother's Day out there to all the moms! ---------------- Church Bulletin Bloopers! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: #1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. #2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: 'The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.' #3. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' #4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. #5. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. #6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. #7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. #8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. #9. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. #10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. #11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. #12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. #13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.' #14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. #15. A bean supper! will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. #16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. #17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. #18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. #19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. #20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. #21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. #22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. #23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. #24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. #25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. #26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. #27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. #28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. #29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. #30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMikeinNY Posted May 10, 2008 Share Posted May 10, 2008 Those are good haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chappy Posted May 10, 2008 Share Posted May 10, 2008 These were sent by my brother-in-law this morning and MrBunz and I have been chuckling all morning! I NEVER forward stuff in emails....but these are FWD worthy. Enjoy! And......Happy Mother's Day out there to all the moms! ---------------- Church Bulletin Bloopers! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: #1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. #2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: 'The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.' #3. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' #4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. #5. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands. #6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. #7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. #8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. #9. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. #10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. #11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. #12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. #13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.' #14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. #15. A bean supper! will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. #16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. #17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. #18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. #19. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. #20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. #21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. #22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. #23. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. #24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. #25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. #26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. #27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. #28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. #29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. #30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.' These were absolutely hysterical!!! The bolded ones above had me going for minutes and I'm sure I'll be sharing this with friends and family. Thanks SteelBunz. Also Happy Mother's Day to all the Mothers we have here at the Huddle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HowboutthemCowboys Posted May 10, 2008 Share Posted May 10, 2008 #29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted May 10, 2008 Share Posted May 10, 2008 (edited) All good, but these 2 are the best: #3. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'#30. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.' Nice hearin' from ya, Bunzie! xxxoooxxx Edited May 10, 2008 by rocknrobn26 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Menudo Posted May 10, 2008 Share Posted May 10, 2008 Those had my in tears, and my dog ran over to make sure I was alright because I was laughing so hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hitman Posted May 11, 2008 Share Posted May 11, 2008 Excellent! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alchico Posted May 11, 2008 Share Posted May 11, 2008 Awesome bunzy, nice to see ya around Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted May 11, 2008 Share Posted May 11, 2008 Thanks, SB! I needed a good laugh today!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kid Cid Posted May 11, 2008 Share Posted May 11, 2008 A right pleasure. I can't wait to show these ot the MIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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