spain Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. "When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as ! I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. "I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Dave and I'm going to a Halloween party." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spain Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 Why some men wear earrings A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings!." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," the co-worker replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my truck." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spain Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." Taking the advice, he takes a swing, and POW! He hits the Ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and Says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing and THUMP-- the ball skips down the fairway about 15 feet. "You know, that was a lot better than I expected," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Spain has invented a new way to post pad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 The man raised the apple to his lips and took a bite. He then spewed it out, shouting, "This tastes like Sega!!" OK Khloe, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian with "Sega" - what it tasted like a video game? Is this like....what was that other hip word you kids use nowdays......some "strange" ? I like the old days when we just called it what it was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bengal Mania Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 (edited) On a chilly November morning in Tennessee back when Spain was an adolescent...... Spain Sr. tells the wife "Wife, I'm gonna hunt us a bird for Thanksgiving Dinner". And so he goes out to the fields, shoots a nice turkey and brings it home. Mamma Spain gutted and cooked the bird for Thanksgiving dinner. About a half hour after dinner, Spain's littlest sister goes meekly up to her dad w/ a worried expression. "Daddy, Daddy, I pee'd beebees!" Spain Sr, figuring the problem out, says, "Your mom must not've cleaned all the buckshot outta that bird! Don't worry, honey, you'll be ok". Another half hour later, Spains other little sister goes up to her dad and says "Daddy, I just pee'd beebees!". Dad exclaims "Geez, your mom didn't clean out that bird at all...Go on, dear, you'll be fine". Another half hour later, Spain comes sheepishly (ha ha that's part of many Spain jokes, isn't it) into the room. "Don't tell me," guesses Spain's dad, "but I bet you pee'd bee bees, didn't you." Spain said "No, worse. I was in my room playing with myself and I accidently shot the dog!" Edited March 7, 2007 by Bengal Mania Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 OK Khloe, Kim and Kourtney Kardashian with "Sega" - what it tasted like a video game? Is this like....what was that other hip word you kids use nowdays......some "strange" ? I like the old days when we just called it what it was. Try typing in manure genius. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bengal Mania Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Try typing in manure genius. So Sega is the filter replacement for "Sh.t-Genius"? is Nintendo the filter for sh.t-novice? Is Spain the filter for "Sheep-Genius"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeR Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 (edited) yeah what Bengal said. whatevah Edited March 7, 2007 by BeeR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh 0ne Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 We need an "over your head" graemlin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bengal Mania Posted March 7, 2007 Share Posted March 7, 2007 Bumper sticker on a Hydrogen Bomb: "I'd rather be fission" Hello!? Is this thing on? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGrunt Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 Try typing in manure genius. manure Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AtomicCEO Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 My friends tells this joke at bars: I'm going to rape you. It's a joke... get it? No seriously... I'm going to rape you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGrunt Posted March 8, 2007 Share Posted March 8, 2007 My friends tells this joke at bars: I'm going to rape you. It's a joke... get it? No seriously... I'm going to rape you. I'm not sure if this one can be topped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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