League owner stereotypes

[Riffraff]

Just a fun topic every year.

 

You know some of these guys:

 

1. The "One and Out" owner. May be a one and done in championships, but that's more than most will have in your league. This owner sacrifices youth for production. Probably has "too many old guys" on the squad. Stocked to the hilt this year, but will rebuild for another run a few years down the road. Better to have won at least once than to never have played for the championship mentality.

 

2. The "Steady-Eddy" owner. Has decent depth, steady producers, mixture of vets and youth, but not very many flashy players. You can can count on this guy being in the play-offs but not expected to win it all. However, they will be Champion more times than anyone thinks. Team never looks good on paper except when you look back at the history of the league in terms of wins and losses.

 

3. The "Cool Dude" owner. Must have the flavor of the week, the highest rated rookies, and the sleepers of random messageboard posters. Overpays for "potential" by giving up the producer that the potential guy hopes to be someday. Rinse and repeat every week/month/year. This is the guy you want in your division for the easy wins. Eternally hopeful mentality. This will be the year! This guy is the next stud! If he can say "I told you so" just once, it was ll worth it.

 

4. The "Elder Stud" owner. This is the guy that has all the studs from years past on his squad. Still betting on a repeat performance from them all and wonders why it doesn't happen. Overvalues their current value because he's basing it on previous value. Hard to trade with as he clings to the name value over production value, unless of course you send him a prior stud to make his mouth water.

 

5. The "Trade-a-holic" owner. You know who he is. The guy that shotguns the league with offers. Sometimes they are outrageously bad; other times he just keeps pestering until the other owner says "I give in." Sometimes they give dissertations on why the trade is good for you. They'll say why their players are so good and yours are so bad, yet they want yours instead. Don't really expect them to win it all since they have a perpetual need to tinker. Once they build up a good team, it's time to rebuild. What? Huh?

 

6. The "One Player Away" owner. You look at this guy's roster and see that he's one good player away from winning it all, but never does go for it. Makes you wonder if he sees the glaring need or not. Seems content with finishing 2nd or a semi-finalist every year. Always a threat to win it all, but finishes 1 player short of victory.

 

7. The "Shark" owner. A frequenter of messageboards. Always angling to "win" a trade. Talk of the town and chest thumper. Calls himself a trade master only after asking for other's values of the players in question. Self-proclaimed king of the (yahoo) league. Has won the championship 5 years running in all his leagues, but no links to the other leagues he's in. Doesn't understand that a hero never calls himself a hero and a shark never calls himself a shark.

 

8. The "Lou Holtz" owner. Has a pretty good squad, but not if you ask him. Gives credit to the owner of the team he just trounced by 40 points. Walks away with a championship or two while complimenting the league for all the competition it put forth this past year. Other owners want to hate him, but can't.

 

9. The "Braggart" owner. The opposite of Lou Holtz. Will tell you why you suck while he's pounding you by 40 points. The owner you love to hate, but can't do much about it because he has reason to brag... his team is good. As much as you hate him, he'll win the championship at least once and never let you forget it.

 

10. The "It" owner. Always seems to get the right deal sent his way. Gets that added first round pick as a throw in. Makes moves that don't seem so logical at the time, but events unfold months later that land his way. Sometimes the schedule falls in his favor; other times its just inserting the right back-up player into the line-up. Will win a championship or two because things just seem to fall his way more times than naught. He's good, but you can't exactly explain why.

 

11. The "Meek" owner. May not hear a sound from this guy unless there is a league vote on something. Maybe not even then. Sometimes they are the really bad team and sometimes they are a slice below Lou Holtz. May not trade much or respond to offers. Just seems to be there in the league. Almost an afterthought. If he wins the championship, you'll never have known because they'll never say that he did.

 

12. The "Keeps You Guessing" owner. Not sure what this guy is doing most of the time. Lots of head scratcher trades that didn't really seem to improve anything. Trades from a position of weakness to build up his strongest position. Doesn't seem to know that he's not submitting his best line-up and you know he's not trying to tank. Is either a mad genius or the village idiot, hard to tell.

 

13. The "Schleprock" owner. Lucky number 13. No matter what this guy tries to do to improve his team, it backfires. He'll trade for the player that is guaranteed to be on the IR next week. ACLs and MCLs aren't good enough for him, his players will be knocked out of the league for brain tumors, a penalty flag to the eye, or a staph infection. His players retire early without telling anyone. His team is the league's blogger report.

[piratesownninjas]

Every one of these reminds me of at least one guy in my league.

[Chavez]

You forgot the "whiny b*tch" owner - in my main local, we have one set of owners who whine and cry every time somebody gets the slightest advantage due to a crack in the rules (one year, they made a rule that lineups had to be in by midnight Sat instead of noon Sun "because I have season tickets and miss the late updates and that isn't fair").

 

Generally, at the pre-draft meeting, me and another owner (we would fall under the heading of "drunken yahoo" owners - trot out solid teams most years but FF is mainly an excuse to drink more and talk mess in every direction) seem to ally against these two and have nearly come to blows a time or two.

 

Of course, that's just ff - as soon as league business is concluded, a good time is had by all.

[The Grey Pilgrim]

This was a great read, Riffraff. You pretty much covered it. Well written to boot. Thanks for the laugh this morning.