dabuffbills Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled-up , dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her arse downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard! She better not sh!t in the vegetable garden again!" The silence in the cab was deafening. The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence. At once, they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave." The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked." Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator." A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big John Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Why couldn't he wake himself up at 5? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chester Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Why couldn't he wake himself up at 5? The alarm clock was broken and she worked the late shift and got home at 4:30. duh. Think, John, think! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chappy Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her arse downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard! She better not sh!t in the vegetable garden again!" The silence in the cab was deafening. Now this one had me rolling. The other 2 were just okay but this one was pretty funny. The mental image I got as I read this was hysterical!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxfactor Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 A quickie: What's red and has seven dents? Snow White's cherry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunning Runt Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 A quickie: What's red and has seven dents? Snow White's cherry Pervert. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaxfactor Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Pervert. You must be Grumpy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chappy Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 You must be Grumpy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cunning Runt Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 You must be Grumpy. Wouldn't you be? Sloppy seventh's suck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 You must be Grumpy. I'm Doc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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