Friday funnies

[Thews40]

Anger Management

 

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to

take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take

it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten

to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying 'Hello.'

I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn

Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing

number!' and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe

that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that

I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number

again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an a hole!'

and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'a hole' next to it, and put

it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad

day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an a hole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'a hole'

calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the

telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our

Caller ID Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, 'That's because you're an

a hole!'

and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking

Spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had

patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting

for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote down his

number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first a hole (I had

his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW

a hole, too.

I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said, 'Yes, it is.'

I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?' He said, 'Yes, I live

at

34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax . It's a yellow rambler, and the car's

parked right out in front.'

I asked, 'What's your name?'

He said, 'My name is Don Hansen,'

I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said, 'Yes?'

I said, 'Don, you're an a hole!'

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when

I had a problem, I had two a holes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called a hole #1.

He said, 'Hello.'

I said, 'You're an a hole!' (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, 'Are you still there?'

I said, 'Yeah,'

He screamed, 'Stop calling me.'

I said, 'Make me,'

He asked, 'Who are you?'

I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'

He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said, 'A hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, a yellow

rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start

saying your prayers.'

I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, a hole.' and hung up.

Then I called A hole #2.

He said, 'Hello?'

I said, 'Hello, a hole.'

He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said, 'You'll what?'

He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass.'

I answered, 'Well, a hole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right

now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived

at

34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way over there to

kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree

Blvd. in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two a holes beating the crap out

of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter

and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

[MikesVikes]

I've seen this before but it's still funny.

[Big John]

I've seen this before but it's still funny.

So have I