i_am_the_swammi Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Isn't that why everyone drinks? Um, no, it isn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lennykravitz2004 Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 Sounds like a child who missed a life lesson, or maybe more accurately, hasn't received "their right life lesson(s)" yet. From where I sit, I see the Mrs Ex is a big component of this too. You can blow-hard all you want, but if she underminds you and your message, well... I think you know what I mean. Your story seems almost identical to mine about 20 years ago. After 2 1/2 years and still being a first semester sophomore and taking a few months off, my parents gave me my ultimatum: this is your last chance, and after this, you are are on your own. It was my "come to Jesus" moment. And for the comment about "3 years to build grades up" - don't listen to that, very poor advice IMHO. For my grades which would transfer in (mostly C's) to the second school I went to, and graduated from, I can tell you first-hand how difficult raising a GPA can be for a person. Nothing less than a B-, and Dean's list recognition, lowest GPA was 3.2 in any semester and usually a 3.4, and I still could not bring up my GPA to a 3.0. 2.9 and change is as close as I ever got when I graduated after my "3 years to build up grades". Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nuke'em ttg Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 OR Hey juniors got straight A's this is incredible Mom Dad this is Gregg he works in admissions and we're soul mates just tryin ta cheer ya up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scooby Posted April 20, 2012 Share Posted April 20, 2012 sorry to hear about the struggles..I'm sure your son in a very intelligent person, just like u r...maybe a heartfelt letter would do the trick, for instance, tell him you love him so very much and that you and mom want the best for him. Write that you have concerns especially about the AM drinking and ask for an explanation about that...like u said...maybe he is trying to look cool, etc...if that is not the case, that fish needs to be fried first I would guess before any education concerns can be addressed...maybe you could write all this down in terms of dollars and cents: like you could write down an itemized monthly statement of what yall spend on him...$tuition, $books, $room and board, $ car, $ insurance, $ spending money, etc...ask him what he has shown to yall to justify all that expense?? and that somethings gotta give, you cant keep this status quo any longer, ask him for his own ideas/brainstorm how to correct things or move in a more positive direction from here on out. I have a decade or so to figure all this out with my own kiddos, I know there will be challenges, but I wish u the all the best in this very serious situation. Take care:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ice1 Posted April 21, 2012 Share Posted April 21, 2012 (edited) It is time for a very direct discussion with your son. The simple reality is he may not be mature enough for college at this point and that needs to be addressed. His actions demonstrate that point. A candid discussion about the realities of life is needed. Secondly, I would stay away from discussions centered on silver spoons. The fact that he hasn't had to work makes no difference given it is work just to get through high school. This has no bearing on success at a young age. What does matter is maturity and fortitude to accomplish something. In the end it won't matter because if he doesn't grow up quickly and deal with the responsibility he will flunk out anyway which is not something neither of you really want. A possible solution would be to get an agreement with your EX to have your son get college loans. Having skin in the game matters far more than a free ride. Obviously, it sounds like you two have the financial means to cover these loans but that should be a function of long term performance. The fraternity situation should be discussed centered around a carrot/stick approach. These are expensive and it is obvious he is not paying these dues. Education is important but the gift, as you say is something earned. Graduating college is work, funding that or gifting that expense is something you can do if he makes it. A man needs to learn the reality of responsibility, nothing wrong with paying for his college but simply calling it a gift by semester is probably not doing anyone much good. I will say I paid out of pocket for my daughters first year and grades suffered. When I made her get loans to continue it was amazing the turnaround as she now had an obligation. Paying these loans off by us was fine but either she completed the task or paid back the loans. Maybe I am more strict than most, but as someone who had to work and pay all of my college taught me at a young age that there is no such thing as a free lunch. I believe that lesson can be communicated. Hopefully it can or in another semester it will most likely be learned the hard way. No telling if the drinking or partying is the problem or a symptom but that conversation is between you two and should be had in person. Good Luck Edited April 21, 2012 by Ice1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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