SpinalTapp Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 I stumbled upon this on another web site...I thought it was hilarious...hope you enjoy... If you haven't heard Bud Light's "Real Men of Genius" radio ads by now, you must be going all Henry David Thoreau on us. My personal favorite is "Mr. Over-the-Top Carb Counter" just because of the lines, "Was that artichoke you ate 13.5 carbs or 13.6? Better look it up while you help yourself to another package of bacon." The ads have been a joy to listen to, so I've written some of my own that apply to fantasy strategies that grate on my nerves, kind of like "Mr. Loud Cell Phone Talker Guy" does. Today, we salute you Mr. Three Running Back Drafter. (High-pitched singer): Mister Three Running Back Dra-af-ter! (Deep voice): You believe in drafting your third back, before getting your first wide receiver. (HPS) Gotta be ready for the bye weeks. (HPS) Mister Three Running Back Dra-af-ter! (DV) You make it miserable for the rest of us, because you just keep drafting backs. (HPS) Gonna use them all as trade bait. (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Three Running Back Drafter. You'll never get burned by taking Terrell Owens, because you're too busy drafting Tatum Bell. (Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.) Today, we salute you Mr. Two Defense Hoarder. (HPS) Mister Two Defense Hoar-der! (DV) After all, why waste one pick on a defense, when you can waste two? (HPS) Don't wanna burn my waiver claim. (HPS) Mister Two Defense Hoar-der! (DV) You believe defense wins fantasy championships, even though the Cardinals just returned another one against the 49ers. (HPS) Could have waited till the last round. (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Two Defense Hoarder. While the rest of us are still drafting offensive players, you're set up perfectly for when Cleveland scores in Week 8. (Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.) Today, we salute you Mr. Uncontrollable Homer. (HPS) Mister Uncontrollable Ho-o-mer! (DV) Why make draft rankings, when you can just pick players from your favorite team? (HPS) It worked in '99 with Az Ha-kee-eem. (HPS) Mister Uncontrollable Ho-o-mer! (DV) When the clock ticks down on your pick, the home team's No. 2 tight end suddenly doesn't look so bad, does he? (HPS) Must be the team-colored glass-es. (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Uncontrollable Homer. Let's hope you live in Indianapolis, or your fantasy team is going to really suck. (Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.) Today, we salute you Mr. Flashy First Rookie Picker. (HPS) Mister Flashy First Rookie Pi-icker! (DV) What's the quickest way to show you mean business? By yelling out the name of the top rookie in the second round. (HPS) Love to hear the crowd oooh and ahh-ha. (HPS) Mister Flashy First Rookie Pi-icker! (DV) Look at me, I'm smarter than you. There's no way that old horse you took is going to keep my young stud down. (HPS) I've uncovered the next best thi-ing. (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Flashy First Rookie Picker. Your rookie might not make an impact until 2008, but for those 15 seconds in the draft room, you were a star. (Fantasy Source website, St. Louis, Missouri.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhippens Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 that's some pretty funny stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ralph Furley Posted June 3, 2006 Share Posted June 3, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chargerz Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Love it!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loyalboyd Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazysight Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 (edited) What about my favorite, "Mr. Refuses-to-consider-trading-under-any-circumstances?" Edited June 5, 2006 by Crazysight Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazysight Posted June 4, 2006 Share Posted June 4, 2006 We've got a few of those in my league. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpinalTapp Posted June 5, 2006 Author Share Posted June 5, 2006 I took a weak stab at the "Mister Refuses to Trade Under Any Circumstance" jingle (HPS) Mister Refuses to Trade Under Any Circumstance (DV) Who needs a to make a trade to replace Culpepper when you drafted Kyle Boller as a money backup (HPS) Mister No Trade For Any Reason... (DV) Who feels like counting votes, hitting the accept trade button, or improving their team? (HPS) Trade glass is always half empty.... (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Refuse To Trade Under Any Circumstance. While you ensure you never get "suckered" into a bad deal....you will also keep your streak of 10 season with no playoff appearances alive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazysight Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 I took a weak stab at the "Mister Refuses to Trade Under Any Circumstance" jingle (HPS) Mister Refuses to Trade Under Any Circumstance (DV) Who needs a to make a trade to replace Culpepper when you drafted Kyle Boller as a money backup (HPS) Mister No Trade For Any Reason... (DV) Who feels like counting votes, hitting the accept trade button, or improving their team? (HPS) Trade glass is always half empty.... (DV) So here's to you, Mr. Refuse To Trade Under Any Circumstance. While you ensure you never get "suckered" into a bad deal....you will also keep your streak of 10 season with no playoff appearances alive. lol....yeah sounds like some guys in my league. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fatman Posted June 5, 2006 Share Posted June 5, 2006 That's good stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kung-fu Midgets Posted June 6, 2006 Share Posted June 6, 2006 very amusing... nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sacosud Posted June 9, 2006 Share Posted June 9, 2006 Here's to you "get really drunk before the draft drafter guy" (DV) Who needs cheetsheets and VBD board after a six pack and 3 shots you can draft a championship team from off the top of your head. (HSP) I'll take Marino with my first pick (How about them apples). (DV) Who needs to keep track of the picks already made you have done a million mocks and you know Who has been taken by what round it is. (HSP) I'll take Matt Hasselbeck..(the other 11 owners yell He was taken 3 rounds ago) but its rd 4 ?????? (DV) Who needs this stinking league when you can just have another beer and make rude comments about the commish's wife. (HSP) I don't know what you guys are laughing at my team's in the championship "baby" speaking of baby you see the coconuts on the commish's wife I would love to milk those babies SO SIT BACK AND RELAX HAVE ANOTHER COLD ONE BECAUSE THIS ONE IS FOR YOU "GET REALLY DRUNK BEFORE THE DRAFT DRAFTER GUY BECAUSE YOU PLAN ON SPENDING THE NIGHT IN THE DRUNK TANK THINKING ABOUT YOUR TEAM REFUSING TO GIVE UP YOUR KEYS AGAIN ON YOUR WAY TO YOUR 4TH DUI BUT HEY IT'S FANTASY BOWEL TIME. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fitzkek Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 What about my favorite, "Mr. Refuses-to-consider-trading-under-any-circumstances?" God, I hate those guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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