whitem0nkey Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" She replied: a can of peaches. The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6. The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail." Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. He said, " What is it?" The husband said "She also stole a can of peas." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 24 inches A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe whose men all had thingiees 24 inches long. When males reach a certain age, a string is tied around their thingiees. And on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the thingie to 24 inches. Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked down at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?" The husband agreed and they tied a string and weight to his thingie. A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?" "Well, it looks like we're about half way there" he replied. "Wow, you've grown to 12 inches??" "No...it's turned black." Blonde on the Sun A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Who's The Father? A lady was in the delivery room starting to deliver her baby. As it made its appearance it was dark and had an afro. The doctor said, "Ma'am, have you ever slept with a black man?" She said, "Well, yes, but only once." "Once is all it takes" he replied. Then the torso appeared and it was yellow. "Ma'am, have you ever slept with an Asian man?" the doctor asked. "Well, yes" she said, "but only once." "Once is all it takes," he said. When the legs appeared they were red. The doctor asked her if she had ever slept with an Native American and she said, "only once," and he replied that that was all it took. Then the doctor held it upside down and slapped its bottom to make it cry. "Oh, thank God," she exclaimed "at least it doesn't bark!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheezhed Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 Two cannibals are eating a comedian......one cannibal turns to the other and says, does this taste funny to you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crispirons Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 a couple goes to the husbands christmas party. he gets stinking drunk and can't remember anything about it. he asks his wife the next day what happened. she responds, you got into a fight with your boss. husband says "well piss on him!" she says that he did and that he got fired for it. husband then says "well screw him!" wife says i did........you got your job back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 a couple goes to the husbands christmas party. he gets stinking drunk and can't remember anything about it. he asks his wife the next day what happened. she responds, you got into a fight with your boss. husband says "well piss on him!" she says that he did and that he got fired for it. husband then says "well screw him!" wife says i did........you got your job back. 1314612[/snapback] How's Vegas my friend???? Hope all is well. When i come to your bar I want: Cold Ice Good scotch Nice lookin' hookers to talk to (where's Mrs. RR ) And the location of Hot machines at your bar Nice seein' you posting again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crispirons Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 How's Vegas my friend???? Hope all is well. When i come to your bar I want: Cold Ice Good scotch Nice lookin' hookers to talk to (where's Mrs. RR ) And the location of Hot machines at your bar Nice seein' you posting again! 1314617[/snapback] vegas is cool. we live in a nice area close to summerlin, about 20 minutes from the strip. durango and alta are the major cross streets. haven't done a whole heck of alot yet. did walk around the venetian one night and really wanted to get together with one of the sista hookers. omg, skinny, big fake boobs, round bottom, big lips, white girl hair-not that nappy looking black hair. she was fine. if i had had an extra 300 laying around, i might have procured her services. maybe in the future, but in all honesty, i have never payed for sex. besides an overpriced meal and some booze. not sure if i could bring myself to do it. who am i kidding, of course i could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
darin3 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 vegas is cool. we live in a nice area close to summerlin, about 20 minutes from the strip. durango and alta are the major cross streets. haven't done a whole heck of alot yet. did walk around the venetian one night and really wanted to get together with one of the sista hookers. omg, skinny, big fake boobs, round bottom, big lips, white girl hair-not that nappy looking black hair. she was fine. if i had had an extra 300 laying around, i might have procured her services. maybe in the future, but in all honesty, i have never payed for sex. besides an overpriced meal and some booze. not sure if i could bring myself to do it. who am i kidding, of course i could. 1314689[/snapback] ah, vegas... you workin at a bar? we'll have to venture out there in september... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocknrobn26 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 vegas is cool. we live in a nice area close to summerlin, about 20 minutes from the strip. durango and alta are the major cross streets. haven't done a whole heck of alot yet. did walk around the venetian one night and really wanted to get together with one of the sista hookers. omg, skinny, big fake boobs, round bottom, big lips, white girl hair-not that nappy looking black hair. she was fine. if i had had an extra 300 laying around, i might have procured her services. maybe in the future, but in all honesty, i have never payed for sex. besides an overpriced meal and some booze. not sure if i could bring myself to do it. who am i kidding, of course i could. 1314689[/snapback] Glad you're enjoyin' yourself. NOW GET BACK TO WORK! Can't wait to meet you my friend! I hope all goes well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.