Internet and your kids...

[McBoog]

As a great relief to many of you here at The Huddle, you will probably be glad to know that I am no longer in a position where I am dealing with “super secret dark cobra strike force scorpion handshake code” operations.

 

Rather, I have been reassigned to the Cyber Crimes Center – C3. I have been here for six months and the eye opening education I have received has been amazing! I am specifically assigned to the Child Exploitation Section. I have always been hesitant to tell too much about myself to cyber-strangers and have always been aware of the privacy dangers posed by the internet.

 

Not until this assignment did I realize just how much the internet poses a danger to children, emotionally and physically. “They” are out there people… looking for ways to get to your children. Social engineering websites (MySpace etc.) are breeding grounds for predators to get closer to our kids without us even knowing.

 

The problem lies in how much we want to and can monitor their use of the internet, especially once they start hitting the teen years. Even the best kids don’t tell their folks everything. Teens are resistant to go to their parents on many different issues, and it seems as if the Internet and I-net related issues is a bigger generational gap than you may believe. He((, I was excited at 13 to stand in line at Disney Land for 25 minutes to play "Pong".

 

What we need to do is give them the ability to seek help in dealing with some of the internet issues they may encounter by themselves.

 

As I get more experience I will give you all more info.

 

But the first tidbits I can give you are these:

 

For Teens: http://www.netsmartz.org/netteens.htm

 

Send the link in an e-mail and talk to them about the fact that there are many people out there, on-line, that can help them anonymously!

 

For You: http://www.ncmec.org/

 

This second link can be used to enter any sites that you feel may contain child exploitation/pornography or endangerment issues at the "Cybertipline". All of the tips are taken seriously and evaluated.

 

Please help us protect your/our kids.

[cdrudge]

I keep hearing a radio ad about protecting our children and that 1 in 4 (or something like that) children are solicited online. Is the number really that high? What exactly is soliciting? I get my daily spam e-mail from Bambi or Misty about how much she wants me to do some kinky things. Is that the online solicitation? I spend probably more time online then the typical kid and I have only ever seen one time were I saw actual solicitation. I'm not delusional and saying that it doesn't happen, but rather where is it actually happening if 25% of our kids are getting it?

[Savage Beatings]

My 11 year old step-daughter was begging for an e-mail address so that she could send messages to her friends from school, after some searching we set her up at this place http://www.safe2read.com/ which allows you to monitor what comes in and goes out. That was the deal... she had to allow us complete access to all of her communications if she wanted the privilege.

[Bengal Mania]

My 11 year old step-daughter was begging for an e-mail address so that she could send messages to her friends from school, after some searching we set her up at this place http://www.safe2read.com/ which allows you to monitor what comes in and goes out. That was the deal... she had to allow us complete access to all of her communications if she wanted the privilege.

 

This is a great topic! One that I will raise frequently over the coming years (I have three daughters under 10). My wife and I are very worried about how to deal w/ this.

 

Savage - I like the idea, but kids are smarter than adults at computers, and I would guess they'd find a way to set up their own email (MySpace, etc) elsewhere?

 

Other than keeping the computer screen facing the office door (in full sight), I'm not sure yet what we're gonna do. At some point I'll have to learn how much I can check what they do on the internet. Right now I have no idea how to work the technology. I want to be like Reagan (no surprise!). I want to "trust" but "verify".

 

While raised in a "Do what I tell you" household, like many others, I believe (and hope) that being honest w/ our kids about the realities of the horrible elements of society will have an impact. As a dad, you want to plant yourself between your child and anything you wish they didn't have to see/hear/know/etc. I'm gonna have to work at it, because that as an olnly plan is not going to work.

[McBoog]

Other than keeping the computer screen facing the office door (in full sight), I'm not sure yet what we're gonna do. At some point I'll have to learn how much I can check what they do on the internet. Right now I have no idea how to work the technology. I want to be like Reagan (no surprise!). I want to "trust" but "verify".

 

 

Like everything, the way you monitor your kids on-line will evolve as they get older.

 

Much of the solicitation is done in the public chat forums and posting areas, like these here at The Huddle. It is done through PMs and live chat rooms most often. The social engineering sites are the most notorious and live chat particularly. Just like a psychiatrist, having the unknown/non-judgmental person on the other side of the screen to bounce ideas and problems off of is what gives the I-net so much power over our kids. The anonymity itself is a certain comfort. Unless you are actually standing there, you may not know what your kid is doing, even with the screen facing public view. Very few of the major problems are encounters from e-mail. It is too slow and the communication is not free flow. Spamming a kid some porno site in e-Mail is not even closely related to the "grooming" that real pervs are doing on-line.

 

You can be anyone you want to be on the I-net, just look at the avatars people use here at The Huddle. Mine can be interpreted in a bunch of ways. I started a new FF league about the same time I joined The Huddle. The League had a "doom and disease" theme and my team was the Boogie Men (Not Bogey), named after my dog (Boog) but twisted to have the "bogey man nightmare" theme. I used the same av because I made the FF connection between new league and new pay site (not to mention my computer skills were not near what they are today ) . At the same time, someone could look at that and think I want to be a big, scary guy who is not to be messed with, doing red-face rants and daring anyone to cross me. Actually, I leave it there because of the personal history and a tribute to an old friend who is no longer with me . That image is about as far from who I really am as you can get!

 

Why did I mention that? It goes to show that you never really know who is on the other keyboard unless you know them personally. Remind your kids that sharing pictures or video with an unknown person is ALWAYS a bad idea and can be used against them. As "private" as teens like to try to be, reminding them that they can have their lives very much made public on the I-net and they can be powerless to stop it. If they choose to meet someone they have spoken with on-line, they should always go with someone else and to a VERY public area. If the other person refuses to accept this, time to call the police or report it through the links I provided above.

 

The most important thing to do is to let your children know what to do and that the danger exists. At 11, a child is usually not worried about looking for porn or fishing for a sexual encounter with a 45-year-old loser still living at home with mommy. Most of the "homework" surfing is just that. Putting web-access restrictions on "hot words" and other types of criteria can be done through software. There is even a "shadow" program that you can run that is not apparent while the computer is on, but it monitors everything the computer does/receives and then sends a keystroke by keystroke report to your e-Mail for every log-in session. A program like this is all well and good, until you challenge your child about something done or said on-line, and then they know that you know, will feel like you are "spying" on them (privacy theme again) and will use their friend's or library's computers!

 

The key is giving them the tools to know where to turn and who to turn to if they are having problems on-line. Internet bullying is a BIG problem right now. You see some of that right here on these very boards, but is bush league compared to how brutal some people can be. Kids have killed themselves over postings, thinking they will never live the humiliation down! With digital cameras, the threat of posting an embarrassing pic of someone stuffing a banana in their face at lunch can be a nightmare to overly-sensitive teens.

 

Many kids don't realize how easy it is to "capture/record" a video chat session. Flashing your boobies at an I-net stranger can end up on posting boards all over the world. Making sure they understand the technology and what it can do is as important as knowing how to work it. I suggest that you take a course that really teaches you about browsers, cache, history, cookies and on-line interface programs. This will give you a starting point by which to help you teach you kids how to use the computer and access the information on the I-net, and give you a great base from where to start in terms of monitoring activity in a non-intrusive way.

 

As I get more resources, I will post them for the concerned parents. At almost five years old, my twins already know how to get signed-on and find their favorite sites and run their favorite games. Thank God it is all Disney and Nic and Discovery right now. I know that will change, and though I work in the area and as a parent, I am just as concerned as you. Kids of LEOs tend to be a little more rebellious at times, and I know one of mine already pushes the line at almost 5.

 

Most areas have what is known as an ICAC (Internet Crimes Against Children) task force. These are always a good first step if you, or your kids think there is a problem. Giving them the tools to survive on-line is just as important as the tools to survive in real life. The internet and computers are here to stay, and it is just not practical to not let them use and learn to dominate the technology!

[Savage Beatings]

Hey McBoog... my kids are always on the Webkinz site. Have there been any reports of predators there that you know of?

[dmarc117]

you can monitor everything that happens on your pc.....

 

http://www.spectorsoft.com/

 

emails, chat, web browsing, etc

[tonorator]

Hey McBoog... my kids are always on the Webkinz site. Have there been any reports of predators there that you know of?

 

mine are on there as well. it is very secure because you can only speak to others in set phrases and the only way to communicate with someone is to get their personal id and then grant them access. we can easily see who is in bryan's room (he's 8) and we clear it with the other kid's parents. all has been fine so far.

 

the 11-year old is asking for an IM account to talk to other kids at school. i told him that he could use the family account, but he doesn't think our boring family ID is cool enough and wants his own. anyone dealt with this?

[McBoog]

Hey McBoog... my kids are always on the Webkinz site. Have there been any reports of predators there that you know of?

 

Webkinz ... Very Cute

 

I have not heard of it until now, if that means anything

 

I just looked at it and it seems pretty benign. Unless there are real people on the other side of those animals, I don't see a threat. I actually am thinking of showing it to my little ones! Thanx.

 

Once again, the live posting and chat rooms with other real people are where the majority of problems occur for our kids.

 

I have even seen cases where adults start stalking kids they are trying to "groom" on there cell phones through text messages!

 

I don't mean to be alarmist. There are millions of awsome things to do and learn on the I-net, and the social aspect of it is soooo important to our kids, it cannot be denied. We put them at a disadvantage and they can be treated as outcasts if we deny them access.

 

Once again, it is trying to earn their trust and giving them the knowledge they need to stay safe, inside and outside!

[McBoog]

mine are on there as well. it is very secure because you can only speak to others in set phrases and the only way to communicate with someone is to get their personal id and then grant them access. we can easily see who is in bryan's room (he's 8) and we clear it with the other kid's parents. all has been fine so far.

 

the 11-year old is asking for an IM account to talk to other kids at school. i told him that he could use the family account, but he doesn't think our boring family ID is cool enough and wants his own. anyone dealt with this?

 

 

I would say it is cool to let him have his own "cool ID".Sooner or later, he will figure out that myspace or yahoo or any of the bagillion places are free and easy to set this up himself. Don't "make" him go behind your back. Do it together! Help him, teach him how. You guide and let him do the keystrokes. As they get older and more independent, it seems like it gets harder to find things to do together! Here is a perfect excuse for some great one-on-one time! Also, this sounds like a good place to start with privacy lesson #1. Don't do anything that can be used against you later (just ask me and The Tailgate ). Ask him a few questions like...

 

Would you talk crap about other kids at school on-line? What would you do if someone was to threaten you or bully you or a friend? Do you plan on posting pics or vids? If yes, why, if no, why not?

 

Then remind him that... the text/pics can be saved and used against him. The way kids change "best friends" he could be on the outs with a kid two weeks from now who today is his best bud! The telephone or face-to-face is a better place for that!

 

The monitoring software I talked about s a good thing at this point. You can use it and see where this whole thing is going. Craft your approach to have a sit down and ask him about what he thinks of the whole internet thingy on a regular basis. Maybe even take a class together at Circuit City (or the like).

[tonorator]

The monitoring software I talked about s a good thing at this point. You can use it and see where this whole thing is going. Craft your approach to have a sit down and ask him about what he thinks of the whole internet thingy on a regular basis. Maybe even take a class together at Circuit City (or the like).

 

 

does the software monitor IMs?

[McBoog]

does the software monitor IMs?

 

 

 

I have not looked into this recently. The last software I saw that did this recorded everything coming in and going out and translated it all to a readable format. Let me talk to one of the software/forensic guys and I'll get back to you with maybe a product name. They have a lot of cool toys in their section!

[TheGrunt]

This is a great topic! One that I will raise frequently over the coming years (I have three daughters under 10). My wife and I are very worried about how to deal w/ this.

 

Savage - I like the idea, but kids are smarter than adults at computers, and I would guess they'd find a way to set up their own email (MySpace, etc) elsewhere?

 

Other than keeping the computer screen facing the office door (in full sight), I'm not sure yet what we're gonna do. At some point I'll have to learn how much I can check what they do on the internet. Right now I have no idea how to work the technology. I want to be like Reagan (no surprise!). I want to "trust" but "verify".

 

While raised in a "Do what I tell you" household, like many others, I believe (and hope) that being honest w/ our kids about the realities of the horrible elements of society will have an impact. As a dad, you want to plant yourself between your child and anything you wish they didn't have to see/hear/know/etc. I'm gonna have to work at it, because that as an olnly plan is not going to work.

 

I'm surprised nobody else has mentioned anything about PureNetworks Monitoring Software. You can even see a sample report here of the exact information you'll receive on a daily basis. Plus, you get the added bonus of having all of the other home network support you'll ever need.